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Ledinai · Dec 28, 2009, 10:47 PM

Or is there a difference between an affair and a one night stand. He is my husband of 14 years. And he had a one night stand or so he says, with his workmate.

Jake2008 · Dec 28, 2009, 11:56 PM

If you are married, one time is enough to break the marriage vow of fidelity. After the first time, you can add as many as you want, and it all boils down to the same thing.

That he chose to do that, and presuming it was a one night stand, and he confessed to you, if you are willing, you can both work through this to try to re-establish trust, and rebuild your relationship.

Marriage counselling is probably a good idea. That will give you both a place to express your disappointment and all that the 'one night stand' has caused you, and he can explain how and why it happened, and why he says it won't happen again. Getting to the truth, past the affair itself, will not be easy, but, if truth is a goal for each of you, it is probably a good place to start.

Barbie Girl · Dec 29, 2009, 01:49 AM

Well congratulations on 14 years. And you, I know how you feel, even though you have done nothing wrong. I'd be like I didn't have to know this. You know your family, friends and co-workers are there for support Don't go this alone, lean on some shoulders. I'm single, but I know every guy I've dated has been googly eyed every time they spot an attractive chic or reveling dress. I've had two boyfriends that had sex on the side while we were in a committed relationship. One of them did it with my sister, who just turned 18 in August So you the trust issue really takes a hit, but he promised never again, and was true to his word, we split because his pay always went in the bank, and mine paid for everything we did. I have single and married girlfriends, and it's pathetic to say but their men have had sex on the side to. Other than that they are excellent family guys,and loved dearly by their women. I seek an honest man, not necessarily a perfect one, admit your failures, and let's get on with living. Many women could not do this, and I agree there are plenty of reasons not to. My humble bit of advice would be to remain together and work this out. 14 years seems a lot to through away. Good Luck Honey!

Bless U

Ledinai · Dec 29, 2009, 06:04 PM

Thank you Jake2008 and Barbie Girl. Bless you both.
Yeah, the trust is the real here. I hate it when he answers a question with a question.
Married in the Catholic Church with all the works, I am a Catholic. Thank you for congratulations Barbie Girl.
He said it was a one night stand, when the actual stories came from people/friends seeing them at night clubs and on the playing fields, he is a rugby player. I actually came upon them one day in a shopping mall and she just took off before I came upon them but I saw them already. Here in PNG we just walk up and start beating the living out of the other women but most women would be afraid of the Husband.
Anyway, thank you again the both of you. God bless and a Happy New Year 2010.

Gemini54 · Dec 29, 2009, 06:21 PM

I say trust your intuition on this one. If you feel as if he's had more than one affair, and after all he is a 'player' in the true sense of the word, then trust your gut feelings.

You may beat the living crap out of cheating females in PNG, but what about the husbands? Why do they get away scott free?

I also say tell him what you've seen, and that you know what has taken place. If you're both RC then he's breaking his sacred vows. Is he going to end it or not? That is the question you need to ask him - he can't answer that with a question surely?

Fourteen years is a long time to just throw away - he needs to make a choice, but so do you. Don't let yourself be dis-empowered by his infidelity.

Ledinai · Dec 29, 2009, 07:58 PM

Hi there Gemini54, thank you for the input.
What about the husbands? Because we beat the other women up in public. Everyone now knows about the affair and that's the humiliation the man gets. But sometimes the other women might be stronger than you so look out.

Thank you also for "Don't let yourself be this empowered by his infidelity.'

We both have a daughter of 13 years, his son of 18 from his previous relationship and I adopted a boy of 15 from his big brothers widow wife, whom the brother left behind with 5 kids all under 20 now. That was 5 years ago.

Beautiful kids, but I think the son left home because he maybe knows something about the father that I don't. (shrug! ) He just up left the house one day. I know where he is but I don't know what to say or ask.

Ledinai · Dec 29, 2009, 07:59 PM

Hi there Gemini54, thank you for the input.
What about the husbands? Because we beat the other women up in public. Everyone now knows about the affair and that's the humiliation the man gets. But sometimes the other women might be stronger than you so look out.

Thank you also for "Don't let yourself be this empowered by his infidelity.'

We both have a daughter of 13 years, his son of 18 from his previous relationship and I adopted a boy of 15 from his big brothers widow wife, whom the brother left behind with 5 kids all under 20 now. That was 5 years ago.

Beautiful kids, but I think the son left home because he maybe knows something about the father that I don't. (shrug! ) He just up left the house one day. I know where he is but I don't know what to say or ask.