[innocentgal]

Well , now where do I start... There's like so much to say.. well I really need some help regarding the relationship with my exboyfriend.. cause I still do not understand what happened, what went wrong, and what to do now... Here goes the story -

Well, my ex-boyfriend(yikes! It still hurts to call him my ex).. well lets call him chandler.. Well yeah.. so chandler and I met through a common friend... we got to smsing which proceeded to long conversations over the phone for a very very long time... We got real close and he proposed to me over the phone.We then met up after that and everythin worked out well... We were totally in love, we loved each other's company.. things were lovely... Then I went out of town, he would call me everyday even though it was an international call and speak to me for 2 minutes not caring about the fact that he's a student... I came back after my holiday and things were again great for a few weeks...

Then began the trouble... I don't know what happened... but it seemed like all we ever did was go to his place, have fun, make out and that's it... I just told him that I love being with you but I would like to do other stuff too... I have a feeling he misunderstood this... HE said that I would have to wait for him to get a job cause neither does he want to be stuck with me between the 4 walls of a room... A week later... HE told me that he needs a break from us... He told me that he can't be in a relationship rite now and he needs to be alone... I persisted and he got upset.. he said that people fall out of love its very natural... it happens to everybody and it happened to him too... Wen I asked him the reason he wasn't clear... he said that there are many things.. he can't get attracted to other women when he is with me... that was one thing which he said... then I asked him... "Are u sure u will never fall in love with me again?.." He then said "no....I am not sure...If my feelings change i will let u know...I then will leave it upto u whether u want to take me back or not..I will live with the regret if u say no also...However if you are dating somebody else i will not tell u if i love u cause i want to see u happy.."

For a month we were friends... Then he began acting weird... he said he needed space... that I neednt call him up often... if I sms he will reply.. and not to push myself over him etc... I met up with him and asked him if he wanted my friendship or does he want to end things forever... he said "do what makes u happy..i am not saying anything..i dont want to remove u from my life cause i dont do tht to people." I hesitated... He then said.. "This is not supposed to be so hard..its not hard for others.I dont know why it is so hard for "US"

Now that got me thinking and confused... so is it hard for him too?. If I don't call him or sms him in a week he sms's me saying goodnite.. now what am I supposed to do.. I don't want to make hasty decisions of cancelling out of my life cause he did not put a fullstop to our future together... he said he needed space... but I miss him so much... My one and only true love... I care about himso much... WHat do I do to get him back... What should be my next step..

Please help me out..

[shygrneyzs]

You should do nothing to get him back. You SHOULD do nothing. Let him have his space and respect that. You need your space also to get your own head together. You fell in love with him before even meeting - this sounds more like an infatuation than love. It was fast and furious in the beginning and fizzled out. You were asking for more than what he was prepared to give - the sexual part of the relationship. He was telling you that getting THAT involved carries consequences of life lasting porportions - the being stuck within four walls. The feeling of no future.
What was the rush of being so serious so fast? Are you done with college? Got a start on your career? It does not sound like it from your posting. Pull yourself together. Go forward with your OWN life and work on being healthy, positive, and taking care of yourself. If you have another relationship - do not push so hard and so fast. That is the kiss of death. Remember, you can like someone as a friend and have a great relationship without it turning sexual.

[innocentgal]

We actually didn't fall in love in the phone... yes.. its true he asked me out... After we saw each other we gradually fell in love and went around for 3 months...

[Sentra]

I think it is time you figure out what basis this friendship you want with him will be built on. If all contact with him is based on asking questions that are mixed with uncertain decisions, then there is really nothing you can do about it. Give him his space and take your space as well, by asking him all of these questions its doing a lot of nothing good but bringing a reminder to the 'bad' that happened before.

He may have his reasons for the breakup, and it sounds like they are very personal. It would be wise for you to give him that respect and not drill him with question after question, that will just make him upset and make you frustrated.

He probably wanted a job so that he could provide for himself and you as well, but when he saw that it would be tougher and involve a lot more he felt unready and unprepared. Love isn't something to toy with, nor should it be mistaken for lust and infatution.

Your next step should be taking time out for loving yourself and finding that you CAN depend on yourself; you gain independence by taking chances alone without a safety net, and it sounds like this 'love' was exactly that.

I hope things get smoothed over, and its not easy being apart from someone you care about. The best thing is to hope for their happiness as well as your own, separately. Take care:).

[innocentgal]

Sentra... Your words make a lot of sense to me... I have let him know that I will be there for him... I guess both of us need time... I miss him like crazy cause as you said... I love him and I care about him so much... I realised that I loved him deeply only after we broke up...

I will be going out of town for like a month on December... I guess that's for the best as we won't be able to contact each other too much... It will give us both time to give space to each other which I suppose the two of us need...

Things are getting out of hand... I with a very good intention of just putting a smile on his face and my other friend's face posted a pic in orkut of the two of them standing and smiling... He messages me saying "Please remove the pic from the album. Neither of us are too fond of it. Thanks"... no hi no bye nothing... those words were like a slap on my face... I couldn't control my anger and I told him that he can be more friendly next time... He told me to stop crying about everything... I told him that he lives in a world of his own and what makes him think I am crying... I told him that I have a life besides him... To which he said, then stop posting pics and messagin me about it... I told him to get lost and told him that I had messagd our common friend also and that in no way is he more special to me than our common friend and to get that into his head and be more friendlyif he wants to sms me...
He didn't reply to that for some time... After a wile he replied saying that he has no intention of making himself special to me... I asked him why the hell does he get affected by everythin I do and that if he has such a problem with me why doenst he tell me to geetaway from his life... He didn't reply for that neither did I contact him... At night he sms's me saying goodnight.. sleep well... god bless you... I mean what's wrong with him?? Why would a guy sms after all that happened?.
2 days later I come to know from our common friend that he doesn't know about the pic... I assume that my ex lied to me and I ask him that... he says that our common friend knows it and that all that matters is that my ex didn't like the photo in the community... I told him that I have already removed it, to go and check and stop throwing so much of attitude with me... He then said I have a rite to throw attitude after all the crap you gave me... I told him that maybe its better that we don't talk for a wile as things are not working out as of now between us even as friends... he doesn't respond to that and says goodnight god blesss...
When I call him back he doesn't reply... he picks up the phone and says I don't feel like talking please don't call goodnight... and hangs up on my face.. he switches off his cell after that...
What the hell do I do? :(:(:( The guy is driving me crazyl... Neither is he telling me to get lost from his life nor is he behaving properly with me... What the hell does he want?. What should I do if he has a misunderstanding?. If its about the fact that I said that he's not more special than our coommon friend then that shouldn't matter to him... and he has made even more painful statements before... didnt I take that?? >.. I am thinking of having a conversation with our common friend cause my ex and him are like brother.s...
I don't know what's on my ex's mind... what does he want from me... what do I do...

[Sentra]

Problem: Buggery from someone outside of your situation, tolerance of that from the other involved person in this dilemma.

Solution: Ignore him; there have been no good times or happy moments since the breakup, I am assuming.

[innocentgal]

Hmm... well I am not ready to give up on what we shared... I have this gut feeling that things will work out between us... So as of now, I am not contacting him but if he does contact me, I will sms in short and brief... Do u think that's OK?. Will playing hard to get help?. Or will he forget me in the process?. I am confused... As of now I am doing this...

I sent an sms to him explaining to him the reason why I got pissed at him... I told him that my only intention of posting that pic in the community was to get a smile on your mutual friends face and him... to basically give them a pleasant surprise... and that when he replied to me like a cold stranger I was immensely hurt and it was like a slap on my face... I also wrote to him that whatever I said after that was because I was immensely hurt and that I am sorry if I hurt him in any way cause that wasn't my intention... I wrote him that I want to start afresh because I can't move on in my life at this rate... Then I wrote that I don't want him to be upset that's why I smsd him cause I didn't hut him intentionally... Then I wrote that I have said what I wanted to say and for him to reply... He hasn't replied as yet... I sent him the sms last night... I basically wanted to end this whole thing with my head held high... I can't avoid him knowing that there is a communication gap or a misunderstanding... Now that that's done with I shall not contact him until he does... And when he does I shall be polite but on guard... Its damn difficult on my part to do this but I have faith in god... My birthday is on the 5th of next month... I am not expecting anything but I am kind of sure he will contact me in some way to wish me... Advise/ comments anyone?. Please help me get through with this...

[mnaznguy]

Man... let go. He doesn't want to be with you. And if you really did love him, you'd let go of him. Because real love is about making the other person happy... not yourself.
And if he affects you so much, I would not talk to him anymore, or at least not for several months.