[jay7375]

I was with my boyfriend for 10 years and throughout the past 4 years I have been wanting to move on and get married with him. He would tell me that one day we will but at that time, he had a lot of responsibilities such as his job (that was stressing him) and taking care of his family (his mother was not working) His family needed him to help out with the expenses which stressed him out even more. We argued a lot and it got to the point where I was just not happy in the relationship.I would nag him and argue with him everyday. I started to go on vacations with my friends and started to have a good time. I even met someone else, but my heart was always with my boyfriend. We broke up after 10 years because I was so unhappy and I wanted him to change. He lost his job and is collecting unemployment now. He has been hanging out with his friends and meeting new people. He looks happy. It has been 4 months since we broke up and throughout the 4 months I realized how much I really miss and love him. The past 4 months I have called him almost everyday. He tells me he doesn't want to be with me or anybody right now because he wants to "fix" himself. (find a job, go back to school etc) Occasionally I will see him only because he would come to pick up my cousin since they have become good friends. We talk for a few minutes and I tell him I miss him. He says he misses me too, but he doesn't want to be in a relationship. He looks at me like he still feels for me, but Im not sure if he feels love or pity. I have given up on calling him because I am always getting rejected. How do I get him back?

[Wildcat21]

Hi Jay7375, I got your nice e-mail, thanks. Hope you got my response?. anyway...

Ughhhhhhhhhh... this happens a lot when people are together so long without marriage.

What do I always say...

Rule #1 - "People want what they can't have" Always! For ever.

Ok - see you guys were together so long you started to get laxed in TRUE relationship principles. You took each other totally for granted - AND I am sure TRUST and RESPECT were broken.

You MUST always have trust and respect. Always.

"The past 4 months I have called him almost everyday." Ughhhhhhhhhhhh NO! Wrong!! He knows he has you still. Always.

See - you need to cut off ALL contact now!! It may be too late to fix this. But, don't contact him - AND PLEASE DON'T answer his calls AND NO TEXT AND NO E-MAILS!! NONE!! END IT!!

YOU CAN NEVER change someone, ask them to change - EVER. THEY have to want to change. You can never convince someoen to like you - staying in contact WILL NOT help his heart grow fonder - ever at this point. ABSENCE, JEALOUSY, SHOWING YOU HAVE A LIFE, CHANGE ETC. WORKS.

He never wanted to marry because why should he? He already had you. He was happy and comfortable - you were way too available to him and he had no need for further commitment.

Then you nag and fought? - it was an easy out for him. WHY did you nag him? No guy wants a nag - EVER!! Ok? You think a guy will marry a nag? Seriously, I know that's harsh, but it true.

Ughhhhhhhhhh!! So many mistakes.

I am sorry - but he is being nice - 'fix himself' means seeing other people.

See being Too avaialbe to someone for 10 years is a bad idea. You needed to pull-back a lot. It sounds like you came on even strong and made demnads - never works.

STOP talking to him. And for the love of god stop telling him you misses him. You're a busy woman, do other things, friends, family, workout etc. You share your feelings now and he is repulsed inside.

He pittys you because you come across as needy - no one wants needy and desperate.

1. NO contact what so ever - even if you see him. Just say hi ay most. No info. For at leats 3 full months - MORE if you can wait. I fear though you're too needy to do this.

2. Work on improving yourself. Make a better self. Workout! YOU haveto change - remember to fun and care free. He doesn't want the pressure.

3. DATE!! Please date. He will hear about if he is friends with your cousin. Don't you tell him yourself though. You may find someone new?

4. Learn about how relationships actually work. Go to this site and read all the free articles: http://www.lovetactics.com/ - this site will tell you how to turn the tables. There are some good books out there are well. It seems woman like : "he's just not that into you" - you can turn the tables. Also - it's older - some good advice for woman - The rules.

5. He wants a gal who has a life. You seem to have made him your life and tha tcreated this heartache.

6. Try to remember some of things he was attracted to when things went well. He WANTS they gal - NOT the Nag. All he remembers is the nag.

See - he should be calling you!! You contacted him WAY too much.

Please understand - you've made a lot of mistakes here. Especially after the break. SImple things like cutting him off, being less available, not returning his calls right away while dating, GOING OUT WITH friends while dating, being busy. I am sure you always answered his calls - always there for him. YUCK! You have a life SHOW IT!!

[Wildcat21]

Paul - that's creepy. No one wantsa your preaching. And that advice would do NOTHING in the real world. Please stop and go to the religion page - if people want to read you preaching they ca ngo there.

We're dealing in real world stuff. Not hiding behind the bibble. OK? Seriously. No has reponded to you positively.

Jesus won't bring her man back.

[fredg]

Hi,
For the person posting an answer involved with prayer, I can only say this:
If two or more people pray for each other, and have others pray for you, Prayer is the Most Powerful Force in the World.
If you haven't tried it, then you would never know that.
For prayer to get your boyfriend back, would mean many people praying for you that it will happen... and I don't think that many people will pray for this.
But to your question, love does hurt.
To be with someone for 10 yrs, and listen to his excuses for not getting married, means that you really do love him. Many, many women would have given up on this jerk.
Yes, jerk... he wants you as a friend possibly, but he doesn't want to get married to anybody.
Get out a meet new people, try having some fun with others. In time, you will learn to be without this person. You probably will never forget him altogether, but your pain will gradually decrease.
I do wish you the best of luck, and you are much, much better off without him.
fredg

[jay7375]

All--thank you for your reply. Its only been 4 days since I last had any contact with him. Seems like everyday gets a little better... I will be going out more and moving on... thanks a lot guys!!

[Wildcat21]

Jay, just please - no contact. Please for like 3 month.

He needs to change, but you need to change as well. Love yourself FIRST!! And then you will find a great guy - it might be this guy, BUT he has a ton of chnaging to do.

[fredg]

Hi,
Congratulations on your attitude!
It is hard to begin thinking about someone else, or maybe not even thinking about a boyfriend right now.
Be nice to yourself, and Mr. Right will come along; someone who respects you, likes you, and treats you with everything the way you deserve.
Best of luck,
fredg

[shenda]

When a hard working man suddenly rec'v unemployment... life changes

Suddenly he is rec'v a cut in pay; however, he is not laboring for it; his drive becomes altered. It takes a man with a strong personality, to bounce back from the ease of life. Your guy seems to be one of great integrity and respect for you, he finds himself in a slump at the moment and not willing to take you there with him; respect him for that... let him regain his manhood, his sense of protection, provision, provider. He is a good man who needs to steady his feet in his domain. He care thus he wants you to excel... if you love him that much, if possible, help him if he is not too prideful, If he is a prideful man... wait if he is worth it; otherwise, know that your shoes are made for walking

[s_cianci]

You don't get him back. He is obviously unable and unwilling to make any real commitment to anyone or anything. That's unfortunate and he has a lot of growing up to do and needs to get a grip on reality. It's a shame that you wasted 10 years of your life on him but personally I wouldn't have given him 10 weeks let alone 10 years. In this case, all you can really do is cut your lossess and move on to someone who'll give you what you need and deserve.

[jay7375]

Once again guys I thank you so much for the replies... gives me so much strength to move on...