[Queerdo]

Well, to start this off, I'll begin with obviously the beginning. I've always been confused as to how I ended up with a personality of cruelty and things based off that for no reason, usually people turn out like that because of something in their past. I remember believing easily in ghosts, and thinking one was living in my shed of the old house we lived in, which turned out was haunted, according to these religious people, by the spirits of these girls that had killed themselves before we lived there. But the ghost I believed that was there, was a man, at first it was just a big fog that would be there, only seen in the mirror but felt. As if a warm embrace, the more I believed in him, the more I began to hear him and see him as the fog took a shape of a man in his early twenties over the five years of living with him. At first, what the ghost said was unclear, like static but could easily be mistaken for a large group of people whispering the same thing at different times. At this point, even though I was young, I believed I was insane, but kept on believing he was there, when soon enough when I came around the age of 12 I could easily hear what he was saying. Despite not knowing him, he seemed to know me, acted as if I was his lover and murmured things softly in my ear a lot about waiting for me and missing me. I was disturbed by the way I felt due to this things, like I knew him, but didn't. I could feel the same feelings he easily stated he had, but refused to believe that's what it was, remember, I never knew this dude and was a little girl. Soon after that, we moved to another country, I began to feel distant from him, and could feel that feeling of longing again. Once I settled into my new home, I began to feel him again, this time it was stronger, like he was an actual person. He followed me everywhere and spoke to me more often. He didn't speak like normal people do though, it was more formal, and very unknown to me. Then, after I began to just block it out, my father complained that I woke up every night, sat up, and talked in French for hours. French, I had no way of knowing. I never was taught French. This started when I began having dreams about this ghost, whom I began calling Fairy. XD
The dreams were like this:
I'm underground, a man, during a big war. I'm holding "Fairy's hand" and can feel it in my hand but can't see it. Even though it's dark, I'm uneasy about not being able to see him but feel him. I can hear gun-fire and screaming up above, I laugh silently about how stupid it was and then slowed down, slowing down Fairy along with me, when noticing I had no reason to run or live. I was only human, and if I survived, I'd only die anyway. When I came to a sudden halt, Fairy let go of my hand, and kept on running. I knew I was at the age of 18 and I spoke in French, but understood it easily in my dreams. For some reason, when I heard Fairy's voice I could sense he was crying, yelling for me to follow him. I wondered why he couldn't have just stopped for me, he was the man that had said he loved me more than anyone, even his wife. I was obviously confused as his voice got more distant by each passing minute, I finally got used to the ringing in my ears from all the sounds, and blocked them out. I knew at this point, I had been careless for some reason, emotionless, and very stubborn. It was like reading about myself from a book, but normal to me. I then heard a girl's voice that was familiar beside me. She asked what I was doing, why I hadn't followed Fairy. I state simply, "Because it isn't my duty to follow him around time after time like a stupid dog, don't mistake me for someone dependent of someone else's presence and compassion." When I turned to look at her, she wasn't there. "Where are you?" I was becoming nervous. "Well, if you wish to know that, turn on the light." -What? To me then, there wasn't such a thing as a light, what light? When I just stood there, she continued, almost singing out the words, "You will die as only a subject to people's liking, you are nothing more than a simple boy, remember that. When you die, I will continue on with you, you won't remember me until you want to, but I will remember you and always be at your side." Again, "Where are you?", this time I sensed her closer, her voice was beautiful but she said it with a harsh tone, "Turn on the light switch." Even though I had no idea what it was I looked around the room, looking in the direction her voice seem to came from last. Then, my eyes focused on the wall, it seemed different from the dirt ones around me. As I looked closer, I noticed it was a huge wall, then went on and on, with hundreds of light switches placed in rows along it. As soon as I got over being confused and hesitating, I stepped closer to turn one on, but was hit in the chest by something and blacked out. I wake up with tears streaming down my face.
The next dream is weird,
In the beginning, I know this is only a continuation of what was seen before. I'm standing on a cliff, not in my body, but behind myself, watching closely. I'm dressed in a white hospital looking gown and have greyish hair that comes to my shoulders, I know I'm now only in my early twenties. I hear someone gasping for air from crying beside me, I know it's Fairy. He seems to choke out his words, crying heavily, but not even moving to stop me. I'm confused as to why he had been doing what he did before, acting like he cared so much, but wouldn't move to do anything about it. When I try to look at his face, by turning my head, I'm now in the me standing on the cliff, I want to look back but I refuse to let my pride go. I stare almost blankly down at the long distance between me and the end of the cliff. After a few minutes of standing there, I whisper a goodbye, and easily, too easily, just step off and fall. I don't regret falling and I don't fear what's to come. It's just a normal thing to me. I fall and fall, until I finally reach the ground and flinch, waking up.

Now, I did research about having memories of your past life, since I seem to remember feelings and stuff from some time I've never lived. I figured out birthmarks and gender-confusion can be a sign from your past life. I've always considered myself a boy, though I'm a girl, and am a boy in my dreams and memories. I have two pin like marks on the top of my wrists, in the same place on both hands. They used to be brown before the dreams, which was 5 years ago, but the more I began to remember, the more red they got and began hurting like I was being struck by a needle. I simply want to know if I'm literally insane, or if any of this can possibly be real and something from my past life with meaning.

[tickle]

Hypnotists hand out their shingles for just about anything nowadays. Why don't you find one, have her regress your memory, so you can find out for sure if these experiences are due to past life.

Tick