[Karolina]

Hello all,
First, thank you for reading my post and providing me with your opinion. This is very difficult for me to write and I will try and keep it as short as possible.

I have been in a 4 year relationship and have we have attempted to get married twice, each time postponed for many reasons - too busy, scheduling, family etc... While we have no "real" issues within the relationship itself, other than being sexually mismatched, he has never been very interested in sex from day one (I'm very opposite!) of the relationship but he does engage when he feels inclined. This itself would never cause me to end a relationship as I'm aware there are so many other factors that are priority, it does bother me from time to time. Having said that, I consider this a minor nuisance. We are good friends, can talk about almost everything, and I would consider him as one of my best friends. Here is where the problem comes in... we both see our future life direction differently. He is a European resident with no interest of obtaining a US citizenship as he would like to remain living in Europe for the majority of the time. I DO NOT want to live in Europe and frankly cannot stand the travel back and forth and would prefer to establish a nice life here and create a family. He has all the same interest with the exception that he does not want to live in one location, he would prefer to have two homes and travel between the two countries. We both also have very different views on our future, children, retirement, etc... We also spend anywhere between 6-8 months living apart due to him going to Europe frequently, as I choose to stay behind. It feels like I am waiting to see if something changes, and while I'm not getting any younger, I'm waiting for him to change in some way. To make matters worse, I have developed feelings for someone else, in which I have not acted on, nor does this new man know my feelings but it definitely has made me re-think the situation I'm in and wonder if there is someone else out there for me.

Any advice would be appreciated!

Additional info - we are 10 years apart in age I am in my early thirties.
I definitely LOVE him, but we have very different opinions on our future and no one is willing to budge at this point.

[BlackVY]

Hmmm seems like its not just a sexual mismatch that is the issue here. You also want to live in different places, which means you kind of have a different future in mind. That's not the best thing.

If you were to get married, this has to be sorted out well before. Where will you both live happily, will you have a family? How will you visit your families? These things cause conflict in marriage when both parties don't agree or have not discussed these things before.

Furthermore, the feeling for the new guy are a little unsettling. They could be there due to your confusion about your future with your current partner, or they could be genuine, since you are falling out of love with the guy you are with.

My opinion is for you to decide for yourself if you want to leave your partner or not, for this other guy, or just to be on your own for a while, or till you find someone who is more compatible to you.

If you do decide to stay with your partner, it would be best to talk about the differences you have and the issue about wanting to live in 2 different countries and how this would happen if you got married. Communication is key as usual...

Good luck and all the best... think things through and be sure of your decision, whatever it is...

[Just Dahlia]

You attempted to get married twice, but I don't think you mentioned LOVE in your question.:confused:
Sex is very important, that you are 'mismatched' I think should be a concern. Maybe not now, but down the road it will be.
You didn't mention how old you two were, but judging only from what you posted, I would look around a little more. Maybe take a mutual break and see what happens.:)