[heartbroken21]

Hi I'm new to this so if I make any mistakes please let me know. Basically I have been on and off with the same girl for the last 3-4 years. We have always liked each other and in that time pretty much haven't dated or seen anyone else. I say pretty much because at times when we were not together one or the other tried seeing someone but other relationships never worked or lasted more than a couple weeks. This was really only present on one occasion. Well now she has recently told me she is done with everything that she no longer feels the same way and we should just be friends. This was devasting to me I felt like my world had ended again... the first time was when she initially broke up with me. There could be several reasons for this. 1. Her parents and me don't get along at all and haven't for the past several years part of me thinks going over and apologizing might help. 2. have never been in a serious relationship but with her so did some dumb thing didn't know were that big of deal. i.e. missed first month anniversary and such. 3. have a very stressful occupation and at times have brung frustrations into our dates. So basically that's it. Other than that umm I play poker for a living have for the past 3 years unfortunately I don't think she likes that I am currently pursuing other occupations in an effort to smooth things over with her. Which by the way kills me because I think it's such an amazing thing to be able to do that it kills me to have to stop. Oh and by the way HER BIRTHDAY IS IN 7 DAYS!! So I'm currently planning what to do I'm sure I will have another post as to what people think about what I am planning but as for right now. The pain hurts and just won't go away. Please help...

[talaniman]

Its supposed to hurt and will be a while before it goes away.There is not one person on this forum that hasn'nt felt that pain upfront and personal. She says she no longer wants a relationship so what part of 'its over' are you having a prolem with? She wants to be friends and I sense you aren't ready for that so give yourself the time to get her out of your system and the pain may never go away but you will be able to deal with it. Live your life without her and get a life that you enjoy without her. If you leave her alone and cut contact you will be able to get over this relationship in time. That includes her birthday, so I can't wait for your next post.

[heartbroken21]

I don't want to cut contact the problem was we were best friends before we even started dating and like I said we have been on and off for a while I think she's just tired because it hasnt' worked but still think the feeling are still there I know her really well and can tell when we hang out she still likes me but just thinks there's no hope. It's hard because even if I don't she still calls me every night to say goodnight see how my day is going etc...

[ordinaryguy]

If you really do need to apologize to her parents, that's fine, do it. But don't expect that she (or they) will come back to you because of it. If she says it's over and means it, you have to accept it eventually, so the sooner you get started, the sooner it will be done. Has she always had a problem with what you do for a living? If you love it and are good enough at it to make a living that way, it shouldn't be a problem unless you can't leave the stress at work, or spend so much time and energy at it that there's nothing left for the relationship.

[ilovcali]

Every decent relationship starts with people being friends. Yours was not the first, and won't be the last. There is nothing about your relationship that was so special compared to other relationships. Just sounds like any other relationship that didn't end up lasting for whatever reasons. Your feelings are normal, everyone feels that way when it's over.

And being emotionally intimate with someone does not lead to friendship in most cases once that emotional intimacy is gone. Maybe in many months, maybe in many years. By the time that can happen, it really won't matter. Also, it is normal that she still has feelings for you, unless you were dating a robot. "FEELINGS" DO NOT TRANSLATE to "LET'S BE TOGETHER".

Finally, there are two paths you can take, both will be painful, one will lead to more pain, the other will eventually lead away from it. Path one is to keep contact with the irrational hopes that being her doormat will make her want you again. And if you go down path one, you may have to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself why? Path two is to cut contact and distance yourself from her.

AND IF YOU DISAPPEAR OFF THE MAP, she MAY ACTUALLY MISS YOU and think it's worth another shot. But based on what you've described, this relationship is going in CIRCLES rather than MOVED FORWARD in 3-4years.

Sorry if I'm harsh. I went through the same thing recently with someone I thought I'd marry. I chose path two. It still hurts when I think of her, and the pain is still there. But sometimes you must live with the pain. The wound will heal, but the scar maybe permanent. Sorrow and pain are a part of life just like happiness. You have to accept both, and move away from the former to get to the latter.

Anyway, you sound like you're too hung up on her and may not listen to the advice given. Good luck, whatever you decide.

[heartbroken21]

No I will try and consider every piece of advice that people write I appreciate anyone taking the time to help someone else with there problems. Although you say this is like any other relationship it really isn't we both helped each other through things no one else could have. And I had to fight every minute to be with her and nothing was more satisfactory than just spending time with her. You are right my job should be OK with her but I believe that the problem was that I was taking the job home instead of leaving it at work like I should have. I have since moved on in that area and no longer bring the office home but maybe to little to late.

[JoeCanada76]

Uhm, Why are you planning something for her if she does not want to be with you anymore in a relationship boyfriend, girlfriend way? Best friends or good friends do that as well but in this situation it is not a good idea. In my opinion. At the same time you need to make your own decisions by pros and cons. I think you need to cool off and move on. It may hurt, it may suck but it needs to be taken as a learning lesson in life and become a better person for the next person that will be part of your life, maybe for a lifetime.

[heartbroken21]

You are right it might not be the best of ideas unfortunately in this situation it is already to late. Tickets have been bought reservations made etc.. so it's going to go off whether I think it's the best idea or not at first I thought OK this can be a last chance to see if things are going to work but I really don't know anymore.

[Krs]

Can't u go with someone else?

[talaniman]

I can only wish you the best and since you've put all youe eggs in this basket, Good luck.

[ilovcali]

although you say this is like any other relationship it really isn't we both helped each other through things no one else could have. and i had to fight every minute to be with her and nothing was more satisfactory than just spending time with her.

Trust me dude, I would bet my life almost everyone who is here can say the same thing. That is why we are here. Because we all feel that way. The only difference between your relationship and mine is our own involvement in our respective relationships.

Plus, a healthy relationship is smooth. You won't have to "fight" to be with someone. Relationships are difficult, but you shouldn't have to fight just to stay keep it going. You should go with the flow.

There are only two types of relationships, ones that last and ones that don't. You learn from the ones that don't last for the one that does. Every relationship has special circumstances and extreme situations. What makes a relationship special is one's own involvement, nothing else really.

Good luck with whatever you do.

[gansada]

Think bout what u want in life.

Not what she want for u n her!

If she want to be friends then just do so.

She's regret it......for a long time!

Hoped i helped!

Peace!

[heartbroken21]

I could go with someone else but I have already told her about the plans so that would be mean you know.

[Wildcat21]

Why don't her parents like you? I need to know this?

You sound pretty self centered and selfish.

+ what's on again off again - that just means two peoplw who shouldn't be together - but don't want to be alone.

That trip is WAY TOO much right now.

I'd move on and work on yourself - you seem to have a lot issues. Lot of negative vibe. Lots of negative vibe.

[heartbroken21]

The reason her parents don't like me is because I broke her up with the guy they thought she was going to marry and was perfect for her and everything. I don't know where the self-centered and selfish vibe is coming from but please explain so I know. In the past I was very self centered and selfish I admit it. I have done my best to change since then and always take her feeling into consideration anything I didn't try and explain please let me know.

[Wildcat21]

I don't like the fact the parents don't like you - I quite sure it's not because of the other guy - no way. Where you a jerk to her at times? I just sense that

There's something more two this - I think your leaving out key details. Yu don't really say why you broke this last ime.

Not remember key dates, blaming work - you took her for granted - not good!

I also don't like the fact at times you THOUGHT it was OK to see other people - not good. Not committed - NOT healthy at all.

Now you want to throw this big trip at her like a band-aide? No!

[gansada]

I so agree.

If the parents don't like you, it shouldn't matter to you.

Your in 'love' with thier daughter.

But your a every confuzed soul.

Think bout what YOU WANT.

Wildcat is right in this.

Keep her as a friend!!

PEACE!

[heartbroken21]

No wildcat I didn't really leave anything out mostly it was just because I was selfish and didn't put her first in everything I know that. And I'm not throwing anything at her. Her party isn't so much to get back with her it's just so she has a really good time I don't know if we are going to hang out anymore so if this is the last time I just want her to have fun. I'm sick of thinking of myself first and not her when she's all I think about I just wish I would have changed earlier. If I'm a little slow in responding it's only because weekends are when I work so I'm extremely busy playing at different places. Thanks for advice