[applelonia]

I Was Engaged To Be Married 2 Yrs. Ago. I Was With Him For 4 Yrs. We Met New Year's Day 2000, Got Together May 1, 2000, Broke Up For The First Time New Year's Day 2003,but Then We Got Engaged May 1, 2003. I Set Our Wedding Date For New Year's Day 2004. I Had The Day, Place, Dress, Rings, Preacher, And Everything. But... while We Had Broken Up, That One Time, He Got His Cousin's Baby-moma Pregnant. Him & His Cousin Have The Same Baby-moma . I Still Got Engaged To Him After Knowing This Fact But I Couldn't Marry Him Because Of It. Before The Wedding. I Was Sooo In Love With Him, I Am Still In Love With Him, I Will Always Love Him, And Will Never Stop Loving Him. Now 2yrs. Later I See Him Occasionally And I Can't Seem To Get Over Him. He Also Has An Unsteady Girlfriend, Now. While I'm Single. I Don't Want Anybody But Him. I Feel Like I Missed Out On My One True Love. I Feel Like I've Lost My Soul-mate. I'm Messed Up For Life Because I Can't Seem To Move On From This. I Could Date 10000000 Guys But... I'm Stuck... on Him... I Don't Know What To Do.

[Krs]

Address this to him if you REALLY REALLY want him back.
No one here is going to get him back for you, that's something you yourself have to do.. alone.

Just - are you sure you want to be back with him now that he has a child from another women?
Are you prepared?

[Here_To_Help- Jon]

I agree with Krs - about where to share your thoughts - with this guy. That will allow you to find out if he feels the same way as you do... that will dictate the direction things will take. Try to take the drama out of the situation and get some data about what's going on. You aren't messed up for life... you'll get through this...

[Wildcat21]

I think you should not be with him - period - end of story.

Move on to someone new. There are more loves in your life.

Don't be with him. Don't contact him.

This is a big mess you should not be involved in.

You sound young and just give this time and grow.

[Curlyben]

Applelonia, please turn off your Caps Lock as you are SHOUTING at us all.

Yes I have already PM'd this member a coupls of times about this, but they are being ignored.

[talaniman]

You need an attitude adjustment, because you are to young to know what life has in store for you. If you gave yourself half a chance to find out what life and the people in it are about I'll bet you'd be surprised to know that everyone goes through that period in life when we want something so bad it leaves a hole in our soul. But cheer up and look around at all the people you could be friends with and the things you enjoy doing. Really its all up to you so quit moping and start living and find healthy relationships. They are there for you, just go get 'em!

[applelonia]

I know he probably isn't good for me but I can't help how I feel. I don't know how to help how I feel for hom. I have to rease his number from my phone every time he calls so I won't call him just to hear his voice. I jump EVERY time he asks for me to do anything for him, just to show I care. I am conforted by the fact he asks me for things or to do something, at least he is thinking of me at that moment. Even if in reality he is only thinking of himself. I hate myself for feeling so strong for him that I can't move on with anybody else. I'M MESSED UP AND DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET ON TRACK. HE WAS MY WORLD FOR 4yrs NOW I CAN'T SEEM TO LOVE AGAIN... I'M STUCK

Oh... I didn't know about the caps... new to all of this... sorry:( I'm 26

[Krs]

Maybe you should learn how to stop feeling so strongly about him.

Start by :-
Get a piece of paper and write down the pros and cons about him.

You have a whole life ahead of you, try not waste it on someone you can't have.

[J_9]

I have been there done that, although I was in high school back then, what about a century ago, LOL. Take my word for it time does heal all wounds. Although I still think about my first love, I have been able to move on.

Best advice I can give is to surround yourself with other friends, keep yourself busy, keep your mind busy.

This is a great place to keep the mind busy by giving others advice. As you can see, all you need is experience to give advice here. This place is addictive.

[valinors_sorrow]

It can be a powerful feeling... love. At first you feel so wonderful, but when it doesn't work out its like you are dying. But you don't. You have some wonderful suggestions here. I would only add this... there is a terrific book called "Women Who Love Too Much" that you might want to look into for the sake of your future. I read it quite some time ago and began to understand matters of the heart better as a result. It helped me to establish the differences between young puppy love crushes, co-dependent love and real well-balanced mature love. Its an easy book to read too. I hope that helps.

[RickJ]

I'm not trying to oversimplify... just a tip and an idea (both just opinions).

1. Focus on and celebrate the good things you have. If you can't think of any, you're not thinking hard enough.

2. Talk to a Priest. Yes, I mean a Catholic Priest. Generally, they are awesome listeners and to boot experienced in giving good guidance... and it does not matter whether you are Catholic or not. The Associate Pastor at my Church tells me he sees several non-Catholics per day.

I and my family will pray for Peace for you, applelonia.

[Blazingsun]

All else fails seek professional help.

[Wildcat21]

The only way those feelings will go away id if you stop all contact - move on - work on yourself. Hang with friends, family, hobbies, religion, school, work harder at work, WORKOUT!! TRAVEL!!

Obsessive love is very unhealthy for you. It controls your life. Even Wildcat has been there at times.

You have to STOP jumping for this guy. Stop.

Lovers are only part of your life - not your life... heartache only happens whe nyou make them your life - IT'S wrong and very unhealthy.

[Chery]

For goodness sake, he cheated on you!

There must have been something missing from the beginning or you would not have had second-thoughts about getting married.

He obviously is not pining away for you now, and he didn't before. He's going about his merry way - and that's exactly what YOU should be doing.

Have some self-respect for yourself, be confident knowing that you did the right thing, or you would have wound up very unhappy. It seems that you cannot communicate with him, nor trust him, so what on earth is left??

In a few years, you'll be able to look back and tell yourself that you did not lose alove... you won freedom and independence to develop and grow until the right man for you comes along.

Hang in there, dear, you'll get over it.

Meet new people, make new goals, dream new dreams.
What I did after a break-up was watch comedy and go to concerts.

[Jayjay027]

If you really feel that he is 'The One' - then you have to talk to him.
2 years is a long time to still be mourning a relationship, so the only person who can fix the situation is yourself.
Talk to him about it, if he doesn't feel the same way - then you have closure, and it'll be much easier to get over him, if he does feel the same way, then you 2 could work at making it a healthy relationship.
If you can deal with him having a baby with another woman, what's holding you back?

[applelonia]

Thank you all... I have this daily struggle that I am coping with because I still associate with him. I just need to have the ability to move on instead of being stuck with these overwhelming emotions. This is what I am dealing with, I'm sure there are some vets with love that can just throw their feelings to the side and pretend they never were in love, I'm working on that... I guess

[Wildcat21]

Only time will fix this - be busy with other things.

Get this guy out of your head. Don't play his games - because HE KNOWS he controls you emotionally - which is a form of abuse - which is extremely unhealthy.

[talaniman]

Thank you all.....I have this daily struggle that I am coping with because I still associate with him. I just need to have the ability to move on instead of being stuck with these overwhelming emotions. This is what I am dealing with, I'm sure there are some vets with love that can just throw their feelings to the side and pretend they never were in love, I'm working on that....I guess

Actually some of us have been exactly where you are and have learned the painful truth-Move on! The keyword is painful but it has to be done or we get stuck and drown in our own s**t! Its all part of growing to be a healthy happy human being. Choose to live and be happy!

[BobbyC]

J 9 says it right, time does heal wounds. You have to really sit down and think very serously on this. If you say you cannot get over him as you say, are you are willing to take him back, will you accept the fact that he has a kid from someone else, whom he will see and probably help out when need to if he's a good father? If you not go this route, just stay busy. Again, time will eventually heal this wound.

[Chery]

Nobody is suggesting that you turn emotionally cold. We know how hard it is to fall in love with someone that lives in the same street, same town, same city, etc. We also know that it hurts like heck! We are just suggesting that you try and learn to live with the situation that you cannot change - that's called Survival.

Growth and maturity is not limited to any age, and we can grow and mature until the day we leave this planet. It depends on the attitude we have toward each other and ourselves.

Gain some assurance and confidence that you have every right to go through your 'mourning period', then get over it and start living life again.

Take one day at a time, look forward to some new things - maybe even better - each day. Try not to dwell on the past.

Good luck dear, and keep us posted.