[asdave]

My boyfriend and I, a gay couple, have been together over two years and living together for over one year. I never thought I'd meet someone as wonderful as he is. Before we moved in together we had sex three or more times a week. Then we moved in together and it instantly - like the flick of a switch - went to once a fortnight. Not only sex, but touching, kissing etc. There was a lot going on so I just waited patiently and after a few months it increased to once a week.

We will have sex once a week very late at night on a weekend. Never at any other time or day. That seems to be the only time he wants to. At other times he will give me hugs and kisses, but only kisses that don't go beyond the lips. It is so hard as I love him so much and just want to give him a passionate kiss, but he won't allow it. I know he never wants sex so I don't try to push it in case that worsens his lack of interest, but occasionally I will make a move only to be rejected. He will move my hand away, turn over, or have something pressing that all of a sudden needs to be done.

We have talked about it a few times. He said he doesn't know why he isn't as interested anymore. We both enjoy sex when it happens, and he said he just doesn't feel like it as often. He admitted that he avoids kissing me as he doesn't want it to lead to sex. I also got the very strong impression that he leaves sex to late at night on a weekend as it is low priority, and he'd rather be doing just about anything else during the day and night - like watching TV, talking on the phone, going shopping, or just relaxing.

I am in my mid 20s and he is in his early 40s so he is older than I am, but no where near old enough to be so off sex, or I don't think so. It was all fine before we moved in together, and then everything just halted. He has no erection problems as sometimes I have felt he has an erection, but he'll still avoid sex.

I just don't know what to do. For thirteen months I have been patient and tried my utmost to be understanding and reasonable. I feel rejected and unwanted. Any advice would be so gratefully received.

Thanks.

[heckieswife]

Well let's start by saying I was in a similar situation. (except I'm straight) me and my (bf at the time) husband had been together about 5 yrs when things changes a bit, I was in my mid 20's him late 30's early 40's. We used to be so lovey dovey and touchy feely then slowly it started to decenigrate. As you explained, he left me feeling unwanted. Well. We had many discussions on was he still attracted to me and all that stuff. Well he still held to the fact that he loved me and he was still in love with me. He said his "equipment" wasn't performing as it use to and because of that he was avoid anything that may possibly lead to sex. So I suggested he go to a doctor regarding his health. And sure enough he had 2 blocked autories and that was the reason for his "equipment failure" he had to have stints put in his legs. He wasn't getting good blood flow to the lower region of his body. But after he healed from his surgery, it was like the first few years we were together he couldn't keep his hands to himself. Now we have gotten married and had a baby since. So don't give up hope. Ask him is this situation similar to his. If not go to counseling. Maybe it something mental. But you don't know until you try and giving up without trying would have made your experience with this person useless. If you love him as you say you do talk it out.