[will_53115]

I have just found out that I am the father of a 7 year old. I have not been in my child's life at all. Her mom has married and the child only knows her husband as dad. We had a test done and I am the father. The mom has asked me to allow her husband to adopt. I am not sure what I should do! It would be hard I am sure for my daughter especially since her mom and I have only met once in college if you know what I mean. What are my rights in the future if I sign off on this?

[ScottGem]

I was tempted to move this to the Family law forum because you essentially asked a legal question. But there is moral question here as well.

First to answer the legal question, once you agree to relinquish your rights, you will have none. When the adoption becomes final, the husband becomes the legal father with all paternal rights.

You need to weigh two factors here. First your paternal feeling towards having a daughter. Second, the impact on your daughter by appearing in her life.

Frankly, I would be more inclined to agree to the adoption but ask for a concession of being able to be part of the child's life. At some point the mother is going to have to explain the adoption to your daughter. At 7 she is close to being able to understand this.

[Synnen]

It should have been explained to the daughter the entire time that her father is not her biological father.

I suggest that you push for some form of open adoption--with communication and/or supervised visitation.

If you do not want to agree to the adoption, that is your right. Just assume that if you do not that you will be paying child support going forward, and probably backward (for the previous 7 years) as well.

Honestly--you need to decide what you think is best for your daughter. If you are on decent terms (no hostility) with the parents, I don't see why you couldn't agree to the adoption as long as they keep in communication with you about her health and welfare.

[stevetcg]

It should have been explained to the daughter the entire time that her father is not her biological father.

I suggest that you push for some form of open adoption--with communication and/or supervised visitation.

If you do not want to agree to the adoption, that is your right. Just assume that if you do not that you will be paying child support going forward, and probably backward (for the previous 7 years) as well.

Honestly--you need to decide what you think is best for your daughter. If you are on decent terms (no hostility) with the parents, I don't see why you couldn't agree to the adoption as long as they keep in communication with you about her health and welfare.

There won't be any child support backwards. Child support only starts accumulating once it is filed for.

[ScottGem]

There wont be any child support backwards. Child support only starts accumulating once it is filed for.

Steve is right, but we don't know when the actual filing for child support occurred. Its very possible the reason you were recently contacted was because there was a pending ordered and they didn't know where you were to serve it.

Another point, because I just re-read your OP. You stated the mother was married at the time and that the child knows the husband as her father. In that case, it may not be necessary to adopt. In most states, when a child is born of married parents, the husband is automatically considered the legal father. If he signed the birth certificate and has been raising the girl as his child, then its very possible that you have no rights now and may never be able to get any.