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missmya · Oct 22, 2009, 06:15 PM

My 7 year old step daughter was caught being curious about her sisters and cousins private areas looking really close and trying to touch them so her parents decided to take her to a sexual therapist to figure out why she was doing this... about a year later she finally told her therapist that she was being tought a fun game by her baby sitter and friend who was 12 that its OK to touch other girls private areas, her being 6 and not really understanding the difference between what was right and wrong this was someone she trust. Ever since this has happened her mother father and I have tried everything to teach her that it is very wrong to be doing this and that it is not something little girls should be doing, she seems to still think its an innocent game, but she knows its wrong because when we try to talk to her about it she gets very upset and knows that she has done something wrong, we just don't understand why she keeps on doing it. Is it pleasurable for her like it is for an adult?. we don't know what else to do?. recently found out she has starting doing it to her younger sister and am scared she might start even doing it to her infant sister... we have made it so she is not aloud to have sleep overs, have taking privlages from her... what should we do? We have tried everything... please if anyone has and advice that will help I would appreciate we are sooo scared this is going to get her into some serious trouble.. like it did her 12 year old babysitter who is known as a sex offender! Thank you in advance for you helpful advice.

tickle · Oct 23, 2009, 03:52 AM

Why was this little girl being babysat by a know sex offender? This is beyond me. Children in this age group are very curious about their bodies and in the proper setting nothing is wrong with looking at and exploring their own bodies. The more you try to discourage it, the more curious she will become. Until it does escalate into a problem.

If she is seven, then she is old enough to sit down and talk to, explained to but you are initiating the wrong approach by docking her with no sleep overs, taking away privileges is not the correct approach for a seven year old.

And no, I don't think at seven she gets any pleasure out of it like an adult.

Ms tickle

missmya · Oct 23, 2009, 04:25 AM

She wasn't a sec offender at frist she was after we found out that she was doing this to her and she went to court and now has the title and not longer babysits her. And we have sat down and talked to her before taking things away and it is not helping, she sees it as a game that its OK to do it, and we know its OK for her to do it to herslef but to do it to her sister?. obviously what we are doing is not getting through to her the talks what theropist tells her and talks to her about, its just not getting through to her... she is 7 and has been tough already everything about sex and knows that adults do what she is doing and seems to think its OK for her to do it! And we don't let her have sleepovers at other children's house but do are our own because we don't want to have to explain it to the children's parents what's going on in fear that she might not be aloud to play with the children after their parents know!

tickle · Oct 23, 2009, 06:36 AM

Originally Posted by missmya

And we dont let her have sleepovers at other childrens house but do are our own because we dont wanna have to explain it to the childrens parents whats going on in fear that she might not be aloud to play with the children after their parents know!

Missmaya, I realize this whole situation is very difficult for all concerned and must be a great upheaval for the entire family. Is the young girl in school now ?

Tick

missmya · Oct 23, 2009, 05:56 PM

Yes she is in school grade 1, and she is very smart for her age 7 going on 16 really... and just a couple days ago was caught a daycare sharing her private parts with other children! Oh yes it does effect the family very much, we are all concerned and try to talk to her about it tell her that we try to talk to her cause we love her... we just don't know what else to do!

Jake2008 · Oct 23, 2009, 10:36 PM

Have you continued with therapy?

I suspect that it was more than one time with the babysitter, and more work needs to be done to get to the bottom of this.

For some reason this is right out in the open for her, and she is not understanding boundaries, and is involving other children in 'play' that is not appropriate.

There has to be some guidance from the therapist as to how to teach her appropriate behaviour, and how to discipline her without her feeling guilty about it.

Keep up the therapy. I don't think you have all the answers yet.

CJump · Oct 23, 2009, 10:43 PM

When you tell a kid you can't do something it makes them want to do it more. You should have a discussion about it with her and why it is inappropriate. You should help her find a hobby because she might be bored and that could be one of the reason she does it.

Gemini54 · Oct 24, 2009, 12:16 AM

Continuing with the therapy is your only option. Are you certain that the therapist she is seeing is experienced in treating these sorts of behaviors?

Remember, she may seem to be 7 going on 16, but she's not. She's a strong willed and intelligent 7 year old that is emotionally immature if she can't learn to understand the meaning and effect of her behavior.

Perhaps the only way that she will stop is if her peers in grade 1 let her know that it's not acceptable to them... although at that age there is a lot of curiosity about 'private parts'.