[foxspydr]

Hello to everybody and already thank you for your help..
My Husband and me just got merried two weeks ago, I had to go back to Germany because I got to take care of some things, before I finally move over there. We bought a house together in the US and have a baby on the way.. everything was just fine. Well 3 days ago I returned to Germany and since then I haven't heard any from him, I called him then that I made I back to Germany OK, and he just gave me the feeling that I go on his nerves. So we had a fight and lots of Arguments, well got angry and told me that he calls me once a week and I don't need to expect a textmessage everyday. I was just shocked, I mean I don't need to talk every day at all, but how you suppost to stay in touch without talking about what the other person does. Or what's going on, I mean we have a lot to take care of -he over there, I'm overhere. If I want to talk to him I feel like I cant. His best friend lets him stay at his place until the closing of the house is done, I just feel like I'm Nr. 2 since then.
Am I overreacting?
I mean how can you go from getting merried and being witheachother every day to calling me once a week?
I know he isn't a very emotional person, but still. He does not even tells me if he goes out, I mean I'm fine with that, but I at least would like to know. He just makes a big secret out of things and tells me that he don't need to tell me every little thing he does.
Its kind of hard to stay in touch anyway because of the 7 hours time diffrence.
I just stopped calling him because afterwords I feel even worse, and if he calls its like for 3 min and it feels like it's a call he have to make, so wifey can't say any.. I rather don t talk at all then.

Thank you for your answers

M

[lawanwadee]

May I ask a few questions?

Who did pay for the house?
Do you have a green card?

I've seen this similar scenarios and don't like it... will get back to you.

[foxspydr]

Hi
Thank u for your answer. Well I'm sorry I explained myself wrong ,(I'm German) he bought the house ,we just picked it together, I'm working on the VISA we just couldn't do it earlier because my Husband was deployed to Iraq
Thank u

[talaniman]

You two need a very honest talk about what this marriage is about.

[foxspydr]

Hello Thank you for your answer,

Well I know what it means for me, but I think we think different, cuy since I'm pregnant and not only because of that I expect more from his side, I mean I make a big step moving to the US . But he just thinks different, and feels like we need to tell each other every step of what we do, bu t I practically don't know any he does. So far I left him alone and of course I go thrue hell, but I'm sick and tired of it. I'm just really dissapointed.

M

[Catsmine]

I would suggest that before you have the talk Talaniman recommends, you each look at a book on pregnancy(there are hundreds). He needs to understand how much support a pregnant spouse requires, particularly when separated. You need to understand how much your emotions are being whipsawed by your body while it makes another person.

This is difficult while you're in the same house and society. You guys have even more to contend with: the Military, Immigration, Homebuilding(buying a house is just the tiny first step), Cultural differences(even as small as what do you call the toilet), etc. etc. etc.

I truly wish you the best, and I am grateful that he is taking his turn to protect me just as I protected his parents. You have a lot to work on. Good Luck.

[Cat1864]

Foxspyder, if don't mind my asking, how far along is your pregnancy? How 'real' is impending fatherhood to your husband? Could he be looking at this time as a last bit of freedom before being a full-time husband and father?

As Catsmine implied, supporting the mother, emotionally and mentally, through the pregnancy is a part of fatherhood. Books on pregnancy might help him understand that he is already a father even before he holds the child in his arms.

I can understand the limit on phone calls, expense would be a big factor. What I am wondering is why he isn't looking at other methods of staying in touch more often like instant messaging, email, etc.

The main thing is that you take care of yourself and try not to let all the stresses (from everyday living to applying for the visa and moving) wear you out.

I hope all goes well with your pregnancy and the visa goes through quickly.