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XximsosweetxX · Nov 2, 2006, 05:32 PM

:( I had been dating my ex-boyfriend for 2 years and just recently we had a big argument and broke up. He is my first love and its too hard to not be with him. He told me that in order for us to get back togther we have to be friends again first... but every time I call or IM him he never responds. How can we be friends if he never gives me the chance. He has already opened his options.. and is attempting to try and talk to this girl. I know I might be dumb for trying to get back with him, but I love him so much. Please help me get him back.. I don't know what else to do.. and I'm a wreck. I don't know how he can just forget about the 2 years we were together so quickly? I mean I really want to be with him. I want him to want me back so bad, but I don't know how to get him back. Anyone have advice? I just want to be with him more than anything. :(

lilsexy3345319 · Nov 2, 2006, 05:48 PM

Maybe you need to look pretty and act like the girl that he like.But act better than her.If you try to talk to him make sure he can here you.Do what ever you can.Just start acting populure and dress sexy.

s_cianci · Nov 2, 2006, 05:55 PM

Your excessive yearning and pining are not healthy. He's moving on and you need to do the same. I know it's hard at first but if you get busy and involved with things, that'll make it a lot easier. Constantly wishing that you were back together and obsessing over how to get him back won't do it. Let him miss you and wonder what you're up to. That might eventually get his attention. For now, you need to forget about him and move on.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 2, 2006, 07:17 PM

For a relationship to work, both parties have to want it and work on it.

It sounds like he is trying to end this on a nice note with a nice excuse of "lets be friends" leaving his door open to come visit or to come back if and when his other adventures don't work.

You can not MAKE him want you back, and it appears it is time to start moving on with your life also.

chuff · Nov 2, 2006, 08:38 PM

Well you don't really say what the argument was about but the very fact that he's moving on should tell you that he probably wanted out of the relationship for some time before this argument.

talaniman · Nov 2, 2006, 09:33 PM

Bad as you feel now , you will feel even worse if you don't accept him being gone and get your act together. Life is too short to be crying over something is that gone. Get it together and you'll find better things than him in this big old world.

Krs · Nov 3, 2006, 04:00 AM

Originally Posted by lilsexy3345319

Maybe you need to look pretty and act like the girl that he like.But act better than her.If you try to talk to him make sure he can here you.Do what ever you can.Just start acting populure and dress sexy.

What sort of advice is this!!
ACT LIKE THE GIRL THAT HE LIKES... PLEASE :eek:

This shouldn't be a competition, nor does it have to be turned into a competition. It will only put him off even more.

ballybee · Nov 14, 2006, 03:05 AM

You may think you're the first one this kind of thing has happened to.. believe you me.. you are not.. I agonised for 6 months over my first relationship that lasted longer than yours... the first thing is giving him his space no question about it... the second thing is trying to figure out how you can minimize your pain in the mean time.. my true cure was to go through message boards like this one where you can pour all your pain and you will get people to take you through this if doing other things doesn't help.. it will be difficult to hold that urge to call him but give yourself a target of a month.. by then.. your pain would be halved then give yourself another target... until you do not feel the urge to call him... if he is a decent person.. the least he could do is apologize and if there is still something he may come back to you.. but chances are that you would have regained your independence.. and it will now be your turn to weigh rationnally whether it is something that is worth going for or not... keep in touch with the message board.. that will surely relieve you for a while..

wap · Nov 14, 2006, 03:30 AM

Yeah, if we could all get our exes back it would be great : ) at the beginning of the break up I expected him to turn up, or call and say sorry, I am about 4 or 5 months down the line and he doesn't phone to see how I am or anything. Sometimes when people tell you things directly it really hurts, but it is for the best i.e. mu mum telling me he won't be back, he made a decision and that's it. It breaks my heart, but I decided that I couldn't stay in bed and mope, I have to get on with my life. I am turning it around, I am becoming more confident in myself, people speak to me, want to be friends, do things, have fun. This is different for me, as my ex was really loud and I am quiet, I guess people didn't get to see the real me because he was so outgoing. People are seeing me for the person I am.

Join My Space, talk to people on there and on this site, have fun, go out with your friends, it's his loss : )

Sentra · Nov 14, 2006, 05:21 AM

Originally Posted by lilsexy3345319

Maybe you need to look pretty and act like the girl that he like.But act better than her.If you try to talk to him make sure he can here you.Do what ever you can.Just start acting populure and dress sexy.

To the quoted post:

... I hope you aren't serious. Lying about who you are on the outside is bad enough, but being decietful enough to lie about who you are on the inside gets exhausting and will cause you to lose sight of who you are.

To the poster of this thread:

You cannot make someone want you back, and trying to reach them on a daily or hourly basis just pushes them away as they may feel smothered when they wanted their 'space'. I think you should move on, and not try so hard to keep him if he doesn't want to be around.

Geoffersonairplane · Nov 14, 2006, 05:50 AM

Originally Posted by wap

I am turning it around, I am becoming more confident in myself, people speak to me, want to be friends, do things, have fun. This is different for me, as my ex was really loud and I am quiet, I guess people didn't get to see the real me because he was so outgoing. People are seeing me for the person I am.

I can totally relate to this.. My ex was the loud, outgoing type and I was the more quiet, introverted type. I think the fact that I was with her so much, I think people lost sight of who I was and did not get to see the real me.. It's true that you can lose part of who you are and after a breakup, you can rediscover those parts of yourself you lost and become reborn into a new more confident person..

Personally, I think my ex was a little insecure on the inside which drove her to want to be the centre of attention.

Sorry to drift from the subject.. I agree with Sentra, be nothing but yourself!

wap · Nov 14, 2006, 05:57 AM

Thanks Geoffersonairplane, I always try to rate your answers but for some reason it doesn't let me!

Weird, because my ex was insecure, and I think just acted the clown to make everyone laugh, and he said he didn't know how to behave in a room full of people, so he just joked around.

Back to the subject, I have been told to assume that the ex will never come back, and just work on myself, and living without them. Easier said than done I know.

valinors_sorrow · Nov 14, 2006, 06:02 AM

Originally Posted by XximsosweetxX

He told me that in order for us to get back togther we have to be friends again first.... :(

What an incredibly unkind, stuck up thing to say to you! He hurts you and then makes it clear you have to earn his magnificence back and gives you a nearly impossible task? Leaves you dangling like that? UGH!!

This has ego game written all over it.

There is a peculiar phenomena that happens when you've been broken up with and it goes like this. At some point, when it dawns on you that its really permanent, you have to break up with him too. When that time comes for you, I hope you at least mentally hand back that crappy line to him and offer instead this: "Why would I want to be friends, nevermind girlfriend, with someone who is so careless with my heart!"

Lift yourself esteem and let yourself learn some valuable lessons from this that will help you select someone more honorable next time, please, for your sake?

UTaustinash · Nov 14, 2006, 11:59 AM

I'm in a similar situation girl. I completely understand except my ex says he doesn't want to talk because things will just go back to how they were, and that isn't what he wants. I don't know how to get him back. I don't know if it's possible, but I can't tell you just to forget about it and move on because that doesn't happen. I'm sure the other girl is just a rebound though. So, I wouldn't be too worried about that. He'll be comparing her to you. Don't call him though, don't IM, don't do anything. I know it sucks. I know because all I think about is calling my ex because somehow I feel like it'll help the situation. In the end, it's better not to call then to just push him away even more. Give yourself 2 weeks, then if you feel as strongly still, I might email him or something casually.