[BobbyVandeyar]

Hey guys,

I have known this girl for about a year now. And when we started talking, we both liked each other. However she went out with this guy that she was talking to more while she was talking to me, and didn't tell me until maybe a few weeks later. She says she really liked talking to me and was afraid and didn't want to hurt me. I forgived her. Two weeks later they broke up, because he was trying to change her by telling her things, and she didn't like that. Since then she's been focusing more on her school work and such. I asked her out twice. But declined just because for certain reasons. However despite that, we still talk. And we always enjoy anothers company.

I always try to keep in touch with her just to see how she's doing and the same with me. I feel though from the conversations and stuff that maybe this might lead to something more. I remember her telling me that the one thing she likes most about a guys is someone who is persistent. Who doesn't give up on what he wants. It was how she started going out with that other guy, because he asked her out a few times but didn't accept yet.

She wants to hang out, and just from how I treat her, she always tells me how sweet I am. Im just a guy who is trying to find someone right. At the same time I really want to stop overlooking every person I come across to find out does she like me? Should I ask her? etc. What I'm trying to ask here is how can you just enjoy something without having that urge to ask the person out at the wrong time?

I don't know if that makes sense. But really need some help here lol thanks!

[phlanx]

Evening, its called patience and it is a pain in the neck!!

If the girl likes you, she will make it obvious, she knows how you feel and she likes your company, so next you speak don't think about asking her out, just talk

At some point the oppurtunity will present itself naturally

Relax be calm and just be yourself, that's what she likes and that why she talks to you

So just have some patience, hope this helps

[BobbyVandeyar]

I asked her last night if there is a chance that we can be something more than close friends, and she said yes definitely. These past two nights speaking with her, its fun and I really am liking her. I guess I can say that I have nothing to worry about? Lol

[Yosomoton213]

That's good buddy. Just don't push and be natural. There's no rush. If it's going to happen, it'll happen.

[redhed35]

It seems that she does like you,however, at some point in the chase she has to say yay or nay!

Is she looking for a boyfriend and seeing how this pans out (thats ok),on the other hand,does she just like the attention you give her,and you're her ego boost?

How many times exactly does she expect you to ask her out?
Before she decides to say yes!

Take a step back.

When we become attracted to someone.we sometimes get so wraped up in 'does he/she like me' if I do this will they like me, etc...

And in the mist of all this confusion,we forget to ask ourselves... 'do I really like this person? look how they make me feel? confused,unworthy?

Take your time here,and back off a little,let her do a little bit of chasing too.

[I wish]

If she thinks that you definitely have a chance for more, then that's a good sign, but it doesn't guarantee a relationship. So don't keep your hopes up too high, because it will set yourself up for disappointment.

Just keep getting to know each other better and enjoying the time that you spend together. Let things flow naturally.

[talaniman]

First of all its reasonable for someone coming out of a failed relationship to want some time to heal, and be ready at their own pace.

Im just a guy who is trying to find someone right.

That's a problem, as now you think she is right, but she isn't ready. Stop looking for someone right, and have fun with people who are wanting what you want, to have fun, and get to know some one.

At the same time I really want to stop overlooking every person I come across to find out does she like me? Should I ask her? etc.

I would just ask them out to have fun, if they say "NO", move forward to someone that will go out with you for fun.

What I'm trying to ask here is how can you just enjoy something without having that urge to ask the person out at the wrong time?

There is no wrong time to ask for a date. They either accept, or decline for whatever reasons they have. That's more them, so never take a rejection personally, nor let it stop you from asking.

Most guys (and girls) put so much into getting a certain someone, they fail to see other options, and opportunities, for a great time, with a great person, and even worse, become fixated on someone who isn't ready, or able, for what they want, they try to impress and convince, instead of backing off, and continuing to do there thing. That often leads to too much, to fast, crash, and burn, when all things are better happening in there own time.

I advise you to be flexible enough not to become so attached to someone who doesn't want what you want right now, and have fun with someone who does. After all you can always check her out later.

What's the hurry? Why pass up other options, chasing someone who isn't ready to be caught?

Talaniman Rule-Date them all, fat, short, skinny or tall, 18 to 80, blind, cripple, or crazy.

Because your single, and free to do your own thing. I don't care what they say about someday, or what your chances are.

Its your day, so take it, and don't waste time on maybes, or what ifs. Now back off her, enjoy the conversation, but have your own fun, without her.

[BobbyVandeyar]

I think I used the wrong words on that one. I meant to say how can you just enjoy something without having the urge to ask her to be your girl at the wrong time? However you have provided very strong points talanmian. I haven't done so much as constantly every day contacting her. She does so as well. We have gone out on dates before, but due to the whole school thing that's why we always resort to communicating on the phone.

Before I asked her to be more than friends, and the reason was just because she wasn't ready or isn't looking at the time. But now based on how much we talk and stuff, and that she wants to hang out this Thursday, just shows that it can be, in time. But no worries I have been talking to other people and having fun as well.

I do apologize for the mess up of words I used. So really how can you enjoy something without having the urge to ask them to be more than friends at the wrong time?

Thanks a lot for all of your support.

[talaniman]

Nothing wrong with having urges, its what you do about them that counts.

Six months to a year will reveal where things are going, or at least if its okay to date exclusively. That's by mutual agreement. Until then you're a free agent.

Moving to fast is a disaster. So go slow, and have fun, and pay attention.

A word of caution here though, as people fresh out of a failed relationship hardly ever go for the one that was there while they got over it. That pretty much was my point here, don't expect it to get beyond the friend stage, and her feelings could let you down later.

I think that's why you back away and don't put all your eggs in her basket.

[BobbyVandeyar]

Im starting to think more about this girl. She doesn't treat me like I'm lower class or anything. She's always upfront about things like not being able to hang out because she has to study and get stuff done. She was courteous and honest about it. She even apologized. I told her that she didn't need to. And she's been calling or txting me more to see what I'm up to.

What I am doing right now is to try and limit myself from making those everyday calls and try to let her do some chasing too. By trying to end it off the note to let her call by saying "if your not too busy later on tonight give me a call" just let her decide whether to or not. And it does work. But me I tend to have that urge to be the one to make the first move.

There are questions that I got to know like, is it wrong to make the first move all the time? I mean when I think about it girls now a days have been played and backstabbed by men, they don't open up as easily, which is why the men who actually care have to put in more effort. That's just my opinion.

I always feel that it's the little things that you do for people to show them that you care. That's what I'm trying to do.