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davidcjones · Oct 10, 2009, 09:11 AM

My ex was awarded sole legal and physical custody of our son, not including visitation, what are my paternal rights if any.

justcurious55 · Oct 10, 2009, 09:13 AM

What do you mean not including visitation? Did you ask for it? Did you ask to share custody?

Survivor07 · Oct 10, 2009, 06:11 PM

Need more information. I'm assuming you have visitation rights. Are they to be supervised? Why did she get sole legal custody?

You always have "rights" to your children unless they are terminated in a court of law. In your case, that is not what happened. It sounds like you went to court and a custody order was entered with visitation rights to you as opposed to "shared" custody. There must be reasons. We need you to tell us more about what happened.

stevetcg · Oct 10, 2009, 06:59 PM

From the sounds of it I believe your only 'right' you currently have is to pay support. I put right in quotes because its an obligation, not a right.

If you want other rights, you need to get into court and request them - custody, visitation, etc.

davidcjones · Oct 11, 2009, 05:10 AM

Thank you for your responses, I have been in contempt of court 3 times, and she is taking me back for the 4th time. She has asked me to give up all visitation due to the fact I just got out of jail and owe her over 10,000 in child support and medical, legal bills. I am the father and think I should be able to do what I want with my son.

ScottGem · Oct 11, 2009, 05:50 AM

Originally Posted by davidcjones

I am the father and think I should be able to do what i want with my son.

Umm no. Parenting is a partnership. You cannot do 'what you want' with your son without involving the mother. Also, what you want to do has to be in the best interests of the child, not you.

On the other hand, I support your desire to be a part of your child's life as long as its in his best interests. But I have to question whether it is given that you have a criminal record. Without knowing what crime you served time for, its hard to judge.

You also indicate that you have been in contempt of court 3 times. What's that about? If you cannot follow the court order, why do you think you deserve to be a part of your child's life?

I think we need a LOT more background here before we can give good advice.

davidcjones · Oct 11, 2009, 08:07 AM

I was put in jail for obstruction of justice when I hit an officer of the court, in the 3rd contempt, multiple duis. I am trying to get my life back together and want to be a good father when I am out of this dip I have been in. I know I have been a bad father to my son I have beat him told him he should go out and stay with the dogs because he wet the bed, but I also know that I can be a good influence to him when I get to see him. I live with my parents so he has a good place to come to when I can see him. However I will probably have to have supervised visits until his mother allows otherwise. She keeps telling me I have no paternal rights, this can't be true I am his father.

stevetcg · Oct 11, 2009, 08:17 AM

Originally Posted by davidcjones

I was put in jail for obstruction of justice when I hit an officer of the court, in the 3rd contempt, multiple duis. I am tring to get my life back together and want to be a good father when I am out of this dip I have been in. I know I have been a bad father to my son I have beat him told him he should go out and stay with the dogs because he wet the bed, but I also know that I can be a good influence to him when I get to see him. I live with my parents so he has a good place to come to when I can see him. However I will probally have to have supervised visits until his mother allows otherwise. She keeps telling me I have no paternal rights, this can't be true I am his father.

You have BEAT him?

You should never be allowed to see your child again and I hope you go back to jail for the 4th time.

davidcjones · Oct 11, 2009, 08:28 AM

I have told him I was sorry and I would never do it again. I can't afford to go back to jail it just doesn't work for me. I told my ex I would work with her to come up with a reselution. I have offered to give her $500 as a down payment for the debt I owe, and have offered to suspend my visitation until it is more convenient for me to see him. She just doesn't want me in his life it seems.

stevetcg · Oct 11, 2009, 08:48 AM

Listen, I get that you have apologized to him, but honestly, that doesn't matter to a child and I am on her side here. If I were her, I would be fighting hard in court to have your rights permanently revoked.

There simply is no excuse for beating a child and in my opinion, you do not deserve to be a father anymore.

ScottGem · Oct 11, 2009, 08:49 AM

First, it doesn't matter what your wife says about your parental rights. It only matters what the court says. So you need to get a copy of the court order and see what IT says about your rights.

Frankly, though, I would not be surprised to find your rights have been terminated or at lease severely restricted. It may be that you have to prove to the court that you are sober and have conquered your anger management issues.

So that's the situation. Find out what the court ordered and what you have to do to have the court allow you to be a part of your son's life. In the meantime, you need to work on your alcoholism, anger issues AND to do as much as you can to pay your arrears and provide support for your child. Even if you never get to see your child, you are responsible for supporting him.

davidcjones · Oct 11, 2009, 09:05 AM

Well I understand I have been horrible. I am trying to change. I would just like to know If I temporarily give up my supervised visitation do I have any paternal rights.

stevetcg · Oct 11, 2009, 09:11 AM

Originally Posted by davidcjones

well I understand I have been horrible. I am tring to change. I would just like to know If I temperarily give up my supervised visitation do I have any paternal rights.

If you do not comply with what the court has ordered/allowed its possible that the mother will have additional grounds to get ALL visitation terminated.

davidcjones · Oct 11, 2009, 09:23 AM

The divorce decree states she has sole legal and physical custody, I have visitation rights, I am also supposed to give her a copy of my dmv so that she can modify my visitation if it has any negative marks, my license is suspended now and I can have my other or father drive me to get him so I really don't see the pupose of her having a copy

stevetcg · Oct 11, 2009, 09:26 AM

Originally Posted by davidcjones

the divorce decree states she has sole legal and physical custody, I have visitation rights, I am also suposed to give her a copy of my dmv so that she can modify my visitation if it has any negative marks, my license is suspended now and I can have my other or father drive me to get him so I really dont see the pupose of her having a copy

Who said you have to give her a copy... the divorce decree or some other court order?

davidcjones · Oct 11, 2009, 09:29 AM

The divorce decree and in all three contempts

ScottGem · Oct 11, 2009, 09:30 AM

Originally Posted by davidcjones

the divorce decree states she has sole legal and physical custody, I have visitation rights, I am also suposed to give her a copy of my dmv so that she can modify my visitation if it has any negative marks, my license is suspended now and I can have my other or father drive me to get him so I really dont see the pupose of her having a copy

You don't seem to get it do you?? You have screwed up royally. And the only you are going to dig yourself out of this deep hole you have dug for yourself is by doing EVERYTHING the court has ordered, making sure every I is dotted and every t crossed.

If the court ordered that you give her a copy of your DMV status, then you do it, without whining or complaining. If she curtails your visitation because of it you have only yourself to blame. You then work harder to get and stay clean.

stevetcg · Oct 11, 2009, 09:40 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

You don't seem to get it do you??? You have screwed up royally. And the only you are going to dig yourself out of this deep hole you have dug for yourself is by doing EVERYTHING the court has ordered, making sure every i is dotted and every t crossed.

If the court ordered that you give her a copy of your DMV status, then you do it, without whining or complaining. If she curtails your visitation because of it you have only yourself to blame. You then work harder to get and stay clean.

And that's pretty much all there is to it.

davidcjones · Oct 11, 2009, 09:41 AM

I know I screwed up royaly but its not really my fault she made me this person. When I got out of jail and started going to AA I called her to say I was sorry as part of my 12 step program and all she wanted to do is at me and tell me the medical insurancethat I have to provide is just a discount card and won't pay anything. I don't see that as my problem it says its insurance. Then she calls me when I'm busy trying to earn some money. I told her I was to busy to deal with the problam and would take care of it when I had some free time, this wasn't good enough for her I guess so she filed for the 4rth contempt. What really gives her the right to ruin my life like this.

Synnen · Oct 11, 2009, 09:53 AM

What gives her the right?

The fact that you're not doing ANYTHING because it's best for your son?

The fact that you're not taking personal responsibility for any of the things that YOU have done (or not done)?

The fact that if you're required to provide insurance and all you can scrounge up is a discount card that 'says" insurance---which probably doesn't help your son at all?

The fact that you only want to deal with her when it is convenient for YOU?

GROW UP!

This isn't about YOU, it's about your SON. Maybe if you figure THAT out, and make him the number one priority, then you'll get it.

Until then, you sound like a whiny, selfish teenager who blames everyone but himself for the problems he got himself into.