[Dystamine]

Okay.. bear with me this may be long.

I'm 19 years old, female, and I currently live with my both my parents (who have been married for 30 years) I have a boyfriend that is 17 (don't say I'm robbing the cradle because it's legal in FL) We've been together for 2 years. I also have a best friend that is a GAY guy, he has a boyfriend for 3 years. I DO NOT smoke, drink, do weed, drugs, anything of that nature. I've graduated from high school last year and I'm currently attending community college and working towards an AA degree. I don't have a job, but I do draw for people online for money if I want or need it. I mainly don't have a job because I don't NEED one and I've tried to get one but no one will hire an inexperienced 19 year old girl. Okay so I'm your typical lazy teenager I suppose who hates doing chores, but I do some. I'm lazy about my school work, but I make barely passing grades. I'm never out past 12:00 AM only maybe once a month to get a soda or something with my friend.. but even then we are home by 1:00 AM.

Anyway, my dilemma is that I've been having 'sleepovers' with my one GIRL best friends since I was in Elementary, since she has moved to Okeechobee (an hour and a half away from me) and she has a job and she's really busy I never get to see her much anymore.. So I have my other guy that is gay best friend spend the night. He's been spending the night numerous times at my house for the past 4 years (sometimes even with his boyfriend) Just this past year my parents (especially my dad) have been getting on to me about Ricky (my guy friend) is staying over too much, he's influencing me badly, he's a deadbeat.. etc. He doesn't smoke, drink, do drugs at all either. But he didn't graduate from high school and isn't going to college and doesn't have a job. Yes he's a deadbeat but so? Anyway, Ricky used to come over and stay for nights in a row.. just this past year and now my parents restricted it to only 2 nights a week. Which I think is fair. But now they are limiting our bedtime to 12 AM. Where that's when we have the most fun, talking, hanging out, playing video games together. We aren't even loud. And yet they use the excuse, "It's our house and we don't want anyone staying up past 12 AM it's just stupid!) We've had this debate several times. So now if we are up at 3 AM or whatever and my dad gets up and comes to my room (he's a really light sleeper) then he gets bent out of shape and yells. That's a huge thing I don't get. If we aren't bothering you at night then why the hell does it matter when we go to bed?

That's one dilemma that's driving me insane. They NEVER complain about my boyfriend and me staying up late, or my best girl friend and me doing the same. They only complain about Ricky. And I hate it... I don't understand.

Another problem is me and my boyfriend have been monogamous our whole relationship and I've only had sex with HIM. I was a virgin when we did it, too. I've never had sex with anyone else. I used to be on Birth Control for a year but then I decided that since I only have intercourse with him and I don't enjoy it and BC made me gain a lot of water weight then I decided to go off it just 2 months ago. Okay so the other week I made a STUPID mistake mind you, yes I know. And we had intercourse, though he didn't inside me.. I'm not that stupid and then me being a health, paranoid freak thought I was going to get pregnant. So I was worrying and since me and my mom are close I told her about it and she got all mad. Okay.. so I dropped the subject, stopped worrying about it until last night when my boyfriend bought me a pregnancy test, I wasn't pregnant and I also started my period yesterday. Anyway, my views on abortion is TOTALLY different than my parents' views and they get really angry when I just say I can take a pill and that I have the money to afford it if I do get pregnant. Now of course I'm not going to go around anymore and have sex without protection now.. I've learned my lesson, plus we got condoms. I'm not saying I'm going to go and then if I get pregnant I can just get an abortion and it's all good. No! I would only do this once! I'd learn my lesson of course and not mess around at ALL with this kind of thing.

So today he started yelling at me and cursing at me telling me I just go over to pick up my boyfriend to and that's all we do. We don't do that, we usually just hang out in my room, play games, talk, cuddle, etc. Sex isn't a big issue in our relationship. But he seemed to get all bent out of shape over me having a different view on abortion than he does. I hate it. It's my body, my life. He's not paying for it! Then he has the nerve to say I have no life and that I'm going to drop out of college and never get a job. I think I'm a pretty good kid, now I know all of you don't know me but seriously.. So I start crying and it just gets worse, he continues to rage on me and tell me that I go out late at night and don't tell him where I'm going, when I do tell him! He basically calls me a slut and how worthless I am. Also he doesn't want me to drive my moms car to pick up my friend (Ricky) again.. if it was someone else it would be FINE. He uses the excuse that it's wear and tear on the car, it's old, he doesn't want anymore mileage on it. When I just gave him 20 bucks for gas and their 'horrid' time with Ricky over.. Usually he drives over here but his insurance ran out on his car and he can't drive it anymore until he pays for it again.. he's going through a lot right now too.

I just I don't know, am I being unreasonable? :(

[JudyKayTee]

This is not going to be a popular answer - and I realize that - but as long as you are in your parents' house they get to make the rules.

Move out, pay your own bills, support yourself, then you can do whatever you want with whomever you want.

No one agrees with his/her parents on all subjects - that's why the adult child moves out and lives on his/her own - then you can have any opinion you want, anytime you want, and you're free to express it.

[Wondergirl]

Yes, you are being unreasonable. At your age, you should be paying your parents rent. PLUS, you admitted that you don't do anything around the house to help out, your grades suck, you don't have a car, and you don't go to bed at a reasonable time.

As long as you are under your parents' roof, you owe them big-time. Do regular daily/weekly chores around the house. Go to bed by 11 p.m. Do better in school. Limit your overnights at your house to once a week and keep the noise down, especially since your dad is a light sleeper. (I take it he and your mom work for a living, to keep a roof over your head and your stomach full.)

Once you get your associate's degree, then what?

[justcurious55]

Yes, you're being completely unreasonable. You're parents let you have people over, live in their house rent free, and I'm going to guess that since you say you have no steady job that they pay for your food and school too. And you want to complain because they ask you to go to bed and your dad is a light sleeper? Really?

[Ren6]

You are totally unreasonable. Yes, you're a lazy teenager... you are also an adult. You stay up all night playing video games and you're barely getting by in school. Your parents are bothered by your association with Ricky not because he's gay, but because he didn't graduate from H.S. he's jobless, and you stay up all night with him when you should be sleeping. Oh, and he's living there rent-free several days a week. You're going nowhere fast and Ricky is right there with you.

If you want less friction at home, try getting a part time job and going to bed at a decent hour. Study and bring your grades up. Behave like an adult.

[kayla1515]

I am a 20 year old female and I lived with my parents until a month after my 19th birthday. I was not allowed to have sleepovers after I turned 16 and I was not allowed to sleepover at peoples houses after I turned 16. I was too old for that and needed to start learning responsibility. Also after I graduated high school I paid my parents 200 per month rent as well as did chores. I worked 3 part-time jobs and was a college student full-time my freshmen semester of college.
What I am saying is I agree with everyone else on here. You are being unreasonable. I think your parents are being very tolerent of you. Also yes get a part-time job show your parents that you are trying to be responsible. Get your grades up. When future employers check into your schooling they do look at your G.P.A and that factors into if you are the best for the job. Unless you plan on getting your AA and working at McDonalds or not even in your degree area. Drawing things for people online seems like you are trying to do as little as possible to make some quick cash.
Sorry if this sounded mean but it is reality and the way things work

[dontknownuthin]

I agree with all the other posters. You have a really sweet deal living rent free with your parents and I would recommend you stop wasting it.

If you were responsible about this opportunity you could graduate with really solid grades so that you can be in the front of the line for the best job opportunities. Just getting by is not enough when over 10% of the population is unemployed so you need to wake up about that and decide that you deserve better than to be the worst of the group. You also could probably be working at least 25 to 30 hours per week. Even if you only got minimum wage, you could be saving hundreds of dollars, or possibly thousands depending on the job and your hours, every month. Think about it - if you save $1000 per month for two years you would have $12,000 to pay cash for a high-quality, low-mileage used car a year from now - with no payments - and you would have $12,000 to use as the downpayment on a condominium so you could put yourself in a position of owning a home by the time you are 21. How many people get that kind of chance? This housing market is the lowest it's been in decades and still will be very affordable for first time buyers in two years... why not take advantage of that? Your online drawing thing is cool, too - perhaps you can do more with that and make even more money at it. But for sure, get a job working for someone else - you'll need a reference later.

I know you don't want to give up fun time with your friends, but you know, it doesn't last forever and you need to be putting things in place now so that when the party is over, you still have a satisfying life for yourself.

Take care and good luck!

[araina]

Hey I think you are a pretty good kid!
N you I ll tell you why your dad has an issue with ricky..
Because he wans you to go to college earn a living and have a good life.. n according to your dad ricky is a bad company because he hasn't even graduated and has no plans for future..

So if you tell your parents he is starting college or make up some good stories about ricky they ll stop worrying

And about your boyfriend.. they scared because they know what it takes to raise a kid.. n you are so young.. have fun use condoms... jus enjoy.. u have yrs ahead of u.. u have to go to college earn a living.. so they want you to have fun and enjoy life rather than worry about a kid you don even want... rit??

Make your parents feel you won't disappoint them in future and they ll be happy..