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acidsnow · Sep 17, 2009, 02:36 PM

I'm 30yr old male, was with a girl for 3 years. We broke up because she not sure she's still in love with me. So its been a month, and today I sent her my final goodbye as I have been trying to make things work, but she just refuses. Seems like she is done with me, I still love her and unfortunately miss her, I would probably would take her back if she ever came to, but I believe she won't ever come back, she already moved on in her mind.

Anyway, here is my question, I found out through a rather sneaky source that I'm not to proud of, but I found out that the whole time we were togather she spoke with her ex boyfriend, and today she made a comment that she was still in love with him. I had a feeling she was talking to him, but she always denied it. Now I'm going into NC mode, in hope that she will miss me and realise she had something great, but I was wondering if I should text her one last message that basically looks like this...

"information regarding how unfaithful and deceiving you really were to me, came to surface from one of your so called "friends" friend. I must have an angel watching over me. People thought it would make me mad, lol, I couldn't possibly be happier with the outcome."

In reality it has made me really sad. Thoughts?

Justwantfair · Sep 17, 2009, 02:46 PM

First, NC is not about making your ex miss you or want you back. It's about healing, that you need to do for yourself.

I understand your emotions are all over the place right now, you feel hurt and rejected and the sting of knowing that your ex never got over her ex is an additional blow.

I support NC for you, but understand that it isn't going to be your tool of manipulation to repair your relationship. There are many toxic factors you have listed about your relationship that only lead to your need to reconnect with yourself and value yourself first.

Do not send the text. You are NC, so that means no last minute digs for a reaction from your ex. Now you need to focus on healing.

DerelictHerds · Sep 17, 2009, 02:46 PM

Don't send her anything. You don't want her to come back to you. You don't miss her, you miss the thought of having someone as perfect as you think she is.

Even when all the facts are out there, it's still hard to move on, I know because you've invested so much time into this. Look forward, no contact, and eventually you will realize how it will not work anymore.

Justwantfair · Sep 17, 2009, 02:47 PM

"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt myself putting it back together"
"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."
"I don't miss him/her. I miss who I thought he/she was."

acidsnow · Sep 17, 2009, 02:54 PM

Amazing answer guys, I know I need to be strong, as bad as it sounds, I guess knowing it will never be, I kind of felt like if she knew I knew it would make her feel bad that she never got away with it. I know it sounds real childish, but I did think about telling her, and I'm glad I came here first to ask.

I wish · Sep 17, 2009, 02:54 PM

If she's capable of saying that she's not sure whether she loves you anymore, it's pretty clear that she's had a change of heart. She's just letting you down easy. Don't get confused by her kindness with false hope.

Read up on the stickies:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ck-187766.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-123862.html

You have to understand that you don't go into NC to win her back. You go into NC to heal from the break up. These are the NC related stickies:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-351302.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

Texting, calling and emailing are all attempts to get her back. If she wanted to try to work things out with you, she wouldn't have broken up with you.

She broke up because her feelings have changed. It's time to accept it and begin the healing process. The longer you hold on to this false hope of winning her back, the longer it will take for you to recover.

Here's a list of things to do after a breakup: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html

acidsnow · Sep 17, 2009, 03:06 PM

You guys are making so much sense, thank you so much. I'm deeply hurt, actually don't hinkink there has been a more sad point in my life, but with your support I hope I can recover from this. Its all my fault I kept presuing, she never did give me any sense of hope, I'm just having a real hard time coping, been missing work, pissing off my my few friends because I always look so sad now. Its really hurt my ego because my friends normally looked up to me, and now I look so weak.

acidsnow · Sep 17, 2009, 03:11 PM

For all you curious souls here was my last message to her today, and her response. I leave for mexico on tues to help clear my mind.

Hey, just wanted to let you know I'm going to smarten up and not to think about us anymore. Rather then ignore any of your calls in the future, I thinks its best I just forget about us. Its been hard for me but getting easier, I hope the same for you. I got a lot of good things going for me, and I need to move on. I hope you understand I never meant to make you angry recently, just wanted to show you I would be there for you like I always promised, but I can't do it any more. I hope you understand. Thanks for the memories and experience, I wish you the best. Bye.

Wishing you all the best as well take it easy and I will never forget the good memories that we did share together bye.

For entertainment purposes I guess

Justwantfair · Sep 17, 2009, 04:15 PM

Keep us posted.

You are on a long road and your emotions will continue to be all over the place.

Right now it is minute by minute, then hour by hour to day by day, it does get easier. You will have good days and bad days, but this time is all about reconnecting with who you are and becoming a better person and allowing the emotional dust to settle so you gain perspective about your life.

Imabadman · Sep 17, 2009, 04:46 PM

I sense some serial-texting about to go down...

Dude... let her go. People who love you don't treat you like that.

acidsnow · Sep 17, 2009, 05:27 PM

No, no, I'm good, NC. Period.

talaniman · Sep 17, 2009, 07:11 PM

That's good, don't waste any more time, and energy on this.

bjohnrupp · Sep 17, 2009, 07:21 PM

Don't waste any more time with this girl- she is done with you and has moved on to her new man for a while now