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confusedincali · Sep 9, 2009, 09:41 AM

We live in California in a rental.We are married with four children. On the lease as the main signers is myself and his mom but he is on the lease as one of the people residing in the home. He has been verbally and mentally abusive and sometimes physically abusive(no proof except his family). I have asked him to leave several times. He will not says its his home too and I can't do anything. I don't love him anymore after years of being bullied, I have tried to leave and he will block doors taken phones from me and been in my face spitting mad. He has threatened suicide may times. I'm in fear for all our lives but can't go on like this.Before anyone asks I have no family or real friends I can go to. I would like to make this as least tramatic for my kids as I can.Any help would be appreciated.

stevetcg · Sep 10, 2009, 04:10 AM

Have you tried calling the police? You have listed several different forms of spousal abuse (blocking doors and taking phones are 2). You should have little problem getting a protective order that will compel him to leave.

confusedincali · Sep 10, 2009, 07:02 AM

Yes I have. I know how crazy this sounds but the police showed up in our former town. There was evidence of a torn up room and broken itemsand my kids crying. Five officers showed talked to him privately. Than came in and instructed me it was against gods wishes for a women to leave her husband and break up her family. Nice huh? My husband is the ultimate manipulater and let's people in public see a guy we don't see behind closed dooors. And a time before when he was threatening suicide and the police did nothing. So needless to say I stopped calling.Scared by the situation and shocked by the polices response. They gave my children toys from there trunk ,told me to calm down and walked away.

stevetcg · Sep 10, 2009, 07:25 AM

Did you get the police's names or badge numbers? Report them to their superiors. And then go to the local court and tell them what happened. Tell them you would like to get a protective order. Or call a local woman's shelter and tell THEM the situation. They deal with this kind of stuff a lot and will be able to provide you the assistance and counsel you need.

stevetcg · Sep 10, 2009, 07:26 AM

Wait - your former town? Do you live somewhere else now?

confusedincali · Sep 10, 2009, 08:23 AM

Yes, we moved to a tiny town where all HIS family lives I thought it might help the situation some. There's two cops here and both are really good friends with his family. As far as turning in the police in my former town it would be 5 good old boys words against mine. But thank you for your advice. I will be contacting legal aid to see what I can do. And maybe the women's shelter. Fear sometimes makes people frozen and terrified that everything will go wrong and someone will get hurt. I'm between that and being fed up with my life for our kids. Again thank you so much for your advice.