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anondude · Sep 9, 2009, 04:20 AM

Hi there, I'm a 37 yo dude who is absolutely confused. I am totally confused about my sexuality, I've had sex with men and women, and while I used to enjoy the encounters I'd be racked with guilt afterwards, lately though I don't even enjoy sex. I could be half way through it and I think what a waste of time and just up and leave. I used to think about finding some one to settle down with but now I think what a downer it would be to be partnered with someone. I'm much happier working on my car or computer or playing with my dog.

My mum despairs because she hopes for grandchildren but I honestly don't think it's going to happen. Surely I'm not the only one who has felt like this? I feel really ty about this 'cause I've had the opportunity to meet some great people and possibly have a relationship with them but I think why bother and I know this attitude has hurt them.

Is there any way out of this, or should I just accept that I'm not like everyone else and just get on with life?

redhed35 · Sep 9, 2009, 04:30 AM

Hello, during the encounters where you felt what's the point,it's the one night stand thing.

You get to a point where you think I can't be bothered with this.

Forming an emotionally attachment to someone can change the way you view sex,getting to know someone's body,their likes and dislikes,them getting to know you.

It seems from your post that you do want something more.

Your not the only one,think I can safely guarantee that.

Have you considering just dating without the sex?

Getting to know someone?

It might be worth a try.

Synnen · Sep 9, 2009, 05:53 AM

Have you seen a doctor to rule out depression?

kp2171 · Sep 9, 2009, 11:32 AM

Putting aside the pressures from others... are you happy?

Gemini54 · Sep 9, 2009, 08:51 PM

Look we are all different and we often have different needs.

It is difficult if the way you feel or behave goes against society's mores - such as not being partnered or not having children or not wanting sex.

If I were you I would ask myself - am I content with the way I am? Am I happy to be this way? Am I unconcerned by what other people think of me?

If this is really who you are and what you want to be, and not just your way of protecting yourself from a fear of intimacy or commitment, then be yourself.

If you can answer 'yes' to the questions posed above, and you are genuinely happy to keep your own company, then do it.

If you have doubts, then perhaps you need to seek asssitance to understand why you're cutting yourself off from love, intimacy and sex.

Cat1864 · Sep 11, 2009, 06:00 AM

I am going to add one other question to all the great ones already posted:

Do you feel this way about family, friends and acquaintances? In other words, are you shutting yourself off completely (or attempting to) from those around you? If you find that you have been building mental and emotional walls to keep or force others out of your life, there may be some depression.

I agree that we all have different needs in "intimate" relationships. I think that it can be great idea to take time to get re-acquainted with yourself.

Okay, one other question: why all the guilt feelings after previous encounters?

Your mother may just have to come to terms with the idea of having a four-footed, furry grandpuppy.

anondude · Sep 22, 2009, 06:13 PM

Really sorry about not replying earlier as I've been really busy. Thanks to all those who replied it's given me a bit to think about. I'm going to have to do some serious soul searching, something which I've always managed to avoid in the past but can't avoid anymore if I'm to resolve this issue.

I'd really like to be able to answer each of your replys but it would take me hours I think as the questions you've asked are really making think about the situation and this in turn is making me think about other areas of my life which I've been a little neglectful in as well.

Many, many thanks to you all.