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cooltothecore13 · Sep 1, 2009, 05:35 AM

Well she was more than a girlfriend. We were engaged. I had lost my job back in March and become a complete monster. I would drink too much and not care about finding a job. I was depressed because it was a good job and paid well and it was my fault I lost it because I worked 3rd shift and was tired all the time so I called off too much. I was unemployed for 5 months and drank and was mean to her the whole time. I realize I put her through so much sadness and stress and she left me saying the damage is already done and it can't be fixed. I begged for her to come back but she says I've had too many chances. I didn't realize what I was doing to her but now I do and I truly think I can heal the hurt I've caused but she won't even let me try. She says she doesn't love me the same anymore but I think it's the pain I put her through that's blinding her from seeing that she loves me. She also says she didn't find anybody else. But then again I don't know so that's why I need help. What do I do? Do you think people can fall back in love? Somebody please help me figure out. I'm leaving for the Navy soon and I don't want it to be over forever if I can make it work.

kctiger · Sep 1, 2009, 05:39 AM

I think it is the alcohol and delusional thinking you have that makes you believe she really does love you. You did the damage and the most important thing you can do is get your life together before you enter the military. You can beat only treat someone like dirt for so long before they finally have had enough... forever.

The pain you put her through has caused her to protect herself from the hurt and has also ruined the "love" you once had. I don't see another option for you but to change your life. Do you still drink? Do you have a job?

cooltothecore13 · Sep 1, 2009, 05:46 AM

Yes I have a job and I haven't had a drink in about a month and a half. I never beat her or anything I just was basically emotionless and short-tempered. There must be something I can do. I've changed myself before she even left.

kctiger · Sep 1, 2009, 05:49 AM

You beat her emotionally, that is enough for anyone to take.

The only thing you can do is continue to have your life in order. A month and a half is nothing. You really need to prove to yourself more than anything that you can keep this job and not use alcohol as a crutch any longer. Think of how she feels. How is she supposed to know this won't happen again when the next bad event hits you?

I'm afraid she doesn't want to give you another chance right now, but it would be foolish to waste time thinking about that. Develop a healthy pattern of living and see where you are at with that.

talaniman · Sep 1, 2009, 06:39 AM

I would be afraid of you to if that's the way you handled your problems. Work on yourself until you have a solid year of no drinking and leave her alone to heal from this bad experience with you. Now is not the time to try to undo what you have done and no way should she just forget, and forgive, if she has any sense at all.

Sorry guy, you have much work to do on yourself, before you can expect another to trust, respect, and even show you love again.

CrazyThumper · Sep 1, 2009, 06:58 AM

Cooltothecore- doesn't sound like you were too cool to your girl man! Just from your post you said:
*You became a complete monster
*You drank too much
*You didn't care about finding a job
*You were depressed
*You called out all the time from work
*You were unemployeed for 5 months and drank too much/mean to your girl the whole time
*You realized you put her through so much sadness and stress and the dmg was done

Ok.. so I think it's clear that you f'ed up big-time here. You've accepted that and your sorry for it. That in no way, shape, or form means she needs to accept ANY of your actions or behavior. You showed her no commitment to your life/her life by being a lazy d!ckhead for months and choosing to drink instead of getting your life back on track.

You think the pain you put her through is blinding her from the love she has? You know what man, maybe it IS- and that's GOOD. Because you shouldn't be with her, or in any relationship right now. When you realize that your girl needs stability, commitment, and not a drunk that runs from his problems you will understand why this all happened.

Leave her alone, and fix yourself.. there is no 'winning her back' or 'convincing her you have changed'... let her see it on HER OWN IF she wants to see it. If she doesn't, then heal/be a better person for the next girl..

Thumper