[chgogirl]

I have been searching for answers for so long, I hope once you have read my story you will be able to help me! I will try to make this short as possible, but I would like to explain the situation thoroughly. I hope I put this in the right category!

A little background...
My parents are loving individuals that have always been there for me... financially and emotionally (at least I thought emotionally). When I turned 18 and graduated from high school I had gained some weight and my parents were relentless about losing this weight... I did not want to eat in front of them, I would only wear sweatpants and sweatshirt, I did everything to try and make myself feel comfortable. My mom would constantly say things like... are you wearing your hair like that today! Are you wearing that outfit! It looks horrible... why did you dye your hair, why aren't you wearing makeup... and so on. My dad even at one point said that I looked pregnant... at this time I weighed 170 pounds, yes overweight, but not obese for being 5'5. They both said to me that I was on the verge of being obese and that I needed serious help. At the time I took their comments with a grain of salt and got myself a personal trainer (they paid for it). I lost 40 pounds in 1 year, but ever since (10 years ago) I am still dealing with the resentment of them talking/treating me this way. They have always given me grief about things…going college, being fit, relationships (never liked any of my boyfriends), friends, etc. Anyway, now that you have some background I can tell you the story at hand...
Last X-mas (2008) I got engaged to a man that I worked with for over a year and had been dating for just over a year. This happened on Christmas Eve, which I have at my home every year... I was very excited so before my parents came over I called my mom to break the news. She did not say much, just... "oh..that's good...we will be there soon" - I knew that was not a good thing and I immediately felt horrible. Both of my parents walk through the door and my mom says congratulations and my dad says not one word! The whole night was awkward and I just wanted them to leave so I could at least enjoy Christmas Eve with my fiancé. So on Christmas Day we (my finance and I) were scheduled to go to my parents house for dinner, at this point I did not want to even go. But because it was Christmas we went. During dinner with friends and family one of my parents friends just mentioned how their son is getting married in about 8 months – do you even think my parents said one word. Nope…nada one!
About 4-5 months into our engagement my parents sat me down and told me that I was making a mistake, he is not right for you, they stereotyped him (he is Columbian/Latino), and said that I will open my eyes (they were hoping I would back out).
Now we have made plans to get married in August 2010 and it is just about a year away to date so I figured there are some plans to start looking into. Originally we were going to have a small destination wedding, but realizing that my fiancés friends would not be able to attend we decided to have it in our hometown. Note – my mom and dad had no part in deciding where we get married, they had nothing to say. I was very disappointed that they did not even care where I would have it. Aren’t most parents excited about this stuff? My mom would not even go dress shopping with me, nothing! They did mention that if we get married at home they will have to invite their friends and it would be a 100 person event, which of course my dad had to put in there that it would be 1st class (he is just a show off sometimes). My parents know that my fiancé and I could not afford a 100 person wedding, so it was implied that they would help. So in spending at least 3 hours talking to them about a hometown wedding we discussed bridesmaids (my dad said I should have all my girlfriends included), some minor wedding details, and a potential guest list that I put together. So I asked 7 girlfriends to be part of the big day as my fiancé asked 7 guys. My girlfriends and I have even gone to just try on dresses for fun. So just the other night out of the blue my mom says that a larger wedding is a big hassle and it is not worth it to have it in our hometown cause then they will have to invite all of their friends and it will be expensive and too much work. My dad has not said much at all….except repeatedly asking me why I want to get married and the only reason I should get married is if I want to have kids otherwise I should forget about it! This is what I am dealing with and it is crushing. My mom did not even say anything about my ring…NOTHING! I should also mention that I do not expect my parents to pay for the wedding, but I do expect that they can at least be emotionally supportive and not make me feel so horrible. They are playing games and changing their mind constantly. What do I do, how do I handle this? Please help with advice and/or suggestions. Thanks in advance!

[sylvan_1998]

Handle it the same way you handled your engagement. Take charge and tell them what your plans are. If they are "man" enough to pony up with suggestions, ideas, and/or money, let them at least be heard. It is your marriage, your wedding, your day! As unfair and awful as this feels, you must have some resolve to exchange vows in spite of what they say. So use that same strength to take charge of this wedding.

With that said, really make sure this is the man for you. Sometimes others can see what we can not. Go to a marriage encounter weekend and work through some good premarital exercises just to be sure you are repared and ready for what lies ahead.

Good luck and I hope you have a wonderful day, the one YOU want. And ignore or exclude those that do not share your enthusiasm!

[talaniman]

Don't let them get you down, as they may not agree with what your doing, but they will go along with it. Recognize that as parents, they have their opinions, but its your choice so go with it, and get support from your guy, and your friends.

It may take years for them to come around, as most of us parents are slow that way, so don't take it personally, as they have to make adjustments with their attitudes, and you have to give them the space to.

Don't us parents act wacky when we lose control of our daughters? (Thats what my own daughter tells me all the time.)