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smartiequins · May 8, 2009, 03:32 PM

All right so, I've never done this type of asking before so please bare with me.
About 2 years ago my boyfriend and I broke up. We had dated for about two years and lived together for most of our relationship. Our breakup was very painful and stressfull for the both of us. He fell back into drugs and I almost had a nervous breakdown.
2 years have passed since then and my ex and I have been able to rebuild our relationship and become very good friends. He's clean and I'm no longer a nervous wreck. I have just moved back home due to a terrible economie and have been home for about 2 weeks. Recently I attaind a job as the head cook of a summer camp. He had also applied for the same job as me and was offerd the assistant cook position. My mother overheard me discussing this with another friend of mine and freaked out. She called my father and he's freaked out as well. They are threatening to sabotage my ex's chances of having this job. We've worked together many times before and we know eachother's strengths and weaknesses and can bounce ideas off one another. Im 100% positive we will never get back together and so is he. However this opportunity is too much to pass up for the both of us.
My parents have so much animosity towards him its almost childish. They call him a cokehead and a worthless piece of sh*t and a screwup. They will do anything in their power to keep us apart. When they found out he used to come over to my aparement to hang out ,they threatned to call the police on him for tresspassing. He is banned from the house, and my mother even requested that I didn't tell him where I was living. Wich is fine. I'm 22 years old and this is getting a little annoying.

So techincally I have 2 questions...
1.How do I tell my parents to grow up and leave my ex alone and deal with the fact that we're best friends?
2.How can I convice my parents that my ex and I can do this job together and not screw it up?

Rmember I have brought this up manytimes with them and it usually results in me getting slapped or me leaving the house because they won't listen.

bladerecon · May 11, 2009, 04:40 PM

Tell them that you are old enough to make your own choices, that you are old enough to make your own mistakes. You are 22 years old and there comes a point in time where you need to step outside your parents shadows and live your own life. If they continue to slap you, threaten them with the cops because that is assault, not discipline. I hope this helps

smartiequins · May 11, 2009, 04:42 PM

I've done all of that.. and the last time the cops came, they told me I was being a spoiled brat

bladerecon · May 11, 2009, 10:11 PM

Well try completely stepping out of your parents shadow. Take them out of your life for a little while. Kind of just up and leave, pack your stuff and go. It's a last ditch effort but it might work.

Wondergirl · May 11, 2009, 10:24 PM

The very fact that you moved back home showed your parents you still need them, that you are still their child in need of their guidance.

Will this summer job be such that you will live at the camp and not with your parents? Will you be able to save enough money so that you can find your own place after the camp job is finished and also get a good job in a restaurant kitchen or somewhere that will pay you a living wage?

smartiequins · May 11, 2009, 10:27 PM

I didn't have a choice to move back, 1000$ a month by myself was pretty hard to keep up with once the economie crashed. And I'd be at the summer camp with my ex.. who might not even take the job anymore because of all of this.. impretty sure he's terrified my father will come out there and pull him out by his ears.. but that's beside the point... my point is is that my parents can't deal with the fact that my ex is my best friend and anytime I hang out with him or talk to him on the phone or anything they flip out

Wondergirl · May 11, 2009, 10:32 PM

Despite the economy, moving home again shows your dependence. There was no other way to do this, like, share a place with several others or rent just a room with kitchen privileges? As soon as you live at home again, no matter how old you are, you become the child again.

Sahi444 · May 11, 2009, 10:43 PM

Well I knowa little about all this stuff and I'm sorry if I hurt someone through this.But why don't u try some other guy I think your parents would hate to see you with some other guy and will eventually accept him (ur ex) as your best friend
:) :) :) :) :) :)
P.S. Please don't heed if you find this foolish

smartiequins · May 11, 2009, 10:44 PM

Lol I don't find this foolish, and I am seeing someone else, I've been with him for a couple monthes now

Sahi444 · May 11, 2009, 10:48 PM

So are your parents OK with this guy?

kels0494 · Oct 16, 2009, 04:28 PM

Honestly I was in the same spot with my boyfriend of two years who my parents hated and called him a piece of trash... they threatened him as well and my parents never listened as well! Don't call cops they will always be on parents side! Tell your parents that you are thankfull of them but theyr only supposto take care of you until you can take care of yourself. And they've alredy done their job..

kurekm · Jan 4, 2010, 10:10 AM

Unfortunately, with parents like this there is probably nothing to be done but cut them out of your life for a while, but you can TRY the following steps: 1) Get them to meet with you along with a professional counselor or minister so that you can both express your concerns respectfully and without emotional blow-ups. Get this person to discuss with them the concept that God can forgive mistakes and people can change for the better, and it is wrong to hold a grudge against them if they have reformed. 2) Realize that as long as you are financially dependent on them they will see you as a child, so make every effort to move out of there; find a friend to room with and share rent or whatever. 3) In my friend's experience, the parents were locked in, would not listen to reason even from a counselor, and so my friend in this situation was forced to cut them off -- block their e-mails and tell them that until they can treat her as an adult with respect, she could not have a relationship with them. After a couple of years, she hopes to come back and try again. But these parents had an insane need to control, and nothing could be done. The dad had worked out of town during most of his daughter's childhood and out of guilt was now still trying to perpetuate her childhood so he could re-live it and make up for it by treating her as his little child instead of the young woman she had become. The mom had been neglected those years by her husband and had put all her life into this only daughter and lived through her and was now unable to let go of controlling her when she grew up. Anytime this need to control was threatened they went ballistic with anger and demonized whomever was posing the threat to their control, such as the boyfriend.

dontknownuthin · Jan 4, 2010, 06:34 PM

Your parents bad opinion of your ex-boyfriend is not their fault but rather is based on their true assessment of the only prior experience they've had with him. So first, be fair. They are not unreasonable to think that it's a bad idea that their daughter's former boyfriend, who they accurately knew to be a no-good cokehead who hurt their daughter , is now back in her life and further, in her job.

That said, if he's cleaned up and you want to give him another chance, that's your choice. It was also your choice to tell your parents that he's working there - a mistake on your part. Part of keeping your parents out of your life when you are an adult is the avoidance of discussing things with them which you want to keep them out of, or which you know will upset them.

I don't think it's a great idea for you to work with him either, but if you're going to do so, and you want the relationship between he and your parents mended, the responsibility is not yours nor your parents - it's the drug-addict former boyfriend. One of the 12 steps is to ask for forgiveness - perhaps he needs to invite your parents for coffee or, if they won't meet with him, write them a letter, to apologize to them, explain the steps he's taken to change and pursue a sober life, and ask for their forgiveness.

If you were doing drugs with him, he was physically abusive to you, got you into legal or financial trouble, etc. it may be asking too much that they accept him being in your life. And they are not wrong to feel that way - they are protective of their daughter and see this man as a proven danger to her wellbeing.