Originally Posted by
BarmyRockChick
No DNA test has been refused in actual fact.
Factual legal advice would've been appreciated however other than art lady everyone seems to pepper it with their personal opinions which on the whole are abusive and unnecessary.
Has it occurred to anyone that I might want to protect MY children? That they shouldn't have to go without or suffer either because they are just as important are they not? I didn't make this situation, I spent my teenage years being careful not to fall pregnant until I choose to so I don't actually have much respect for girls who didn't take care of themselves.
We don't have much (same as many in the recession) so it's worrying me how I'm going to ensure that I can still care for my children whilst paying out some ridiculous sum of money for someone else's child.
Tax payer still looses because I'll have to claim help from the state for the first time in the nearly 20 years since I left school so it's not really a good deal for anyone is it?
I'm not really interested in personal opinions or comments as they aren't of any help to my situation at all, paternity hasn't been clarified and for all any of you moralists know maybe some other poor sucker is the dad. I've used this to ensure my teenage son knows the consequences of not using a condom but it isn't helpful to say what should've happened it has and I was looking for some advice on where me and my children stand.
Thank you artlady for the reasonable response it was good to know that there was one person who could be friendly and helpful to a newbie.
Jo
First, you have to understand how sites like this generally work. When you post a question you open yourself up to any response based on what you post. As long as the response does not violate the guidelines of this site (in which case you use the Report Inappropriate Post link) then it's a reasonable response.
Second, as Steve pointed you, this is not a support group, this is a Q&A site where the answers to your question will deal with the issues raised in the question. You may not like the answers, but as long as they are accurate according to the question then they are valid.
Steve's original response was valid. If you expect us to support the dodging of the law and responsibility that you and your partner have done, then you have, indeed, come to the wrong place. In your case, especially, it is very hard to deal with the legal issues without dealing with your partner's dodging of his legal responsibility.
Now lets deal with the legal issues. The father of a child is legally responsible for supporting that child. That is the law. It matters not what circumstances were involved in the conception of that child, if he fathered the child, then he's responsible. Your attempts to dodge that responsibility have just made matters worse.
What he should have done is submit to a DNA test immediately upon being informed that he was being cited as the father. Had he done so, the issue might have ended there. But if it had been determined that he was the father, then he should have dealt with that responsibility because it was NOT going to go away. It would have been a lot easier to have been aking support payments along the line rather than have to deal with all the arrears that have now accumulated.
I do understand that you want to protect your own children. But I wonder what lesson you are teaching them when you are having their father dodge his responsibility. They may even want to get to know their half sibling which you are keeping them from doing.
No you didn't make this situation, but you DID make it worse by going along with a debunk (though I suspect that may have been more your decision then your partner's). You refer to the child as "someone else's child". But its not someone else's child! Its your partner's child (assuming a DNA test is positive). You need to get that through your head.
You can retain the services of a solicitor to try and fight this, but I suspect none will take the case since there is probably little you can do because the law is clear. I'M not sure of the specific formulas used in the UK, but in the US, the fact that your partner has other children should be factored into the calculation. However, your actions in dodging responsibility is not going to have a court look favorably on your situation.
Finally I disagree that "personal opinions" are not helpful to your situation. You are looking at this situation through a very narrow viewpoint.
The girl tricked your partner into having unprotected sex when he was drunk. The CSA is trying to get exorbitant amounts. Its someone else's child. You need to see this situation through someone else's eyes. You need to see that the law is specific. You need to see that your partner has a responsibility to that child no matter what the circumstances of its conception. You need to see that dodging that responsibility was immoral if not illegal and that you are now suffering the consequences of those bad decisions.