Ask Me Help Desk - Child support agency questions

Hi there I'm in the UK, my partner of 18 years had a one night stand whilst very drunk many years ago shortly before we got together, the girl in question told him she was taking contraceptives and that she didn't want him to use a condom, she then announced a while later that she was pregnant and it was his despite there having been a long list of other potential fathers. My partner has always stated that he doesn't believe unconditionally that the boy is his and she refused to look into her other sexual partners as my man was the only guy who was working and would be worth anything!
Fast forward 2 years (1996) and we get a demand from the CSA, my partner was told that he had to pay for a DNA test to dispute parentage and if it was his he would have to pay a large sum every month. We had our own son by this point and were struggling financially to pay our mortgage and manage just the basics, we tried to discuss options with the CSA but basically they made it clear that we had no rights, our son had no rights and the only interest they had was in getting money for the child that my partner may or may not be the father of. I became very upset, my wages were being taken into account and I felt very strongly that I should not be penalised because I worked when this other woman didn't, the whole claim had come about because she was claiming benefits.
In 1997 we moved to Tenerife to live, returning to the UK in 2003 with our son and our daughter who was born out there. A couple of days ago my partner was called by the CSA letting him know that they would be writing to him, the letter hasn't arrived yet but already we are in a spin as to what we can do. If this boy turns out to be his (he'd be 17/18 by now) we would be hit with a large amount of back payments which even if we can set up a payment plan would cause huge financial difficulties to us and our children. Do we have any human rights that we could fight this with? Why should the 2 children who my partner chose to have suffer because he was trapped by a girl who wanted to get pregnant? I am fully in support of fathers taking responsibility when they have children in a relationship but why should our relationship and our children be made to suffer because of a one night stand that he barely remembers? The CSA has absolute powers when they want money, they can freeze our bank accounts, take our property, take my partner's driving licence and even imprison him!
Can anyone advise us how we can cope with this? I want to save up and do another bunk abroad! Seriously I just want to protect my children from hardship, I've worked hard and often missed out on some of their childhood and feel great resentment that many women get pregnant then sit back and let everyone else pay for them.
Please help will be very grateful
Jo

Quote:

Originally Posted by BarmyRockChick

Do we have any human rights that we could fight this with?

He has the right to support his child.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BarmyRockChick

Why should the 2 children who my partner chose to have suffer because he was trapped by a girl who wanted to get pregnant?

Did she hold a gun to his head while having unprotected sex with her? No? Then he wasn't trapped. He was stupid.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BarmyRockChick

I am fully in support of fathers taking responsibility when they have children in a relationship but why should our relationship and our children be made to suffer because of a one night stand that he barely remembers?

If being drunk and stupid was an excuse to not pay support, there would be no such thing as a deadbeat father (which your partner is, by the way)

Quote:

Originally Posted by BarmyRockChick

The CSA has absolute powers when they want money, they can freeze our bank accounts, take our property, take my partner's driving licence and even imprison him!
Can anyone advise us how we can cope with this?

Yes, you can get used to the fact that your husband has another child who he essentially abandoned and now is going to pay back. Learn to live within your new means.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BarmyRockChick

I want to save up and do another bunk abroad! Seriously I just want to protect my children from hardship, I've worked hard and often missed out on some of their childhood and feel great resentment that many women get pregnant then sit back and let everyone else pay for them.
Please help will be very grateful
Jo

Are you looking for help dodging responsibility or help adjusting to the fact that regardless if wanted or not, your husband is (presumably) the father of another child that he is OBLIGATED to support?

The first thing that should occur is a D.N.A. test.He may or may not be the father and I would not part with a penny until you know for certain.
Legally,whether he was entrapped into the sex or not,he is still responsible ,if in fact he is the father.

Right guys quite clear I came to the wrong place looking for advice my mistake.
Steve you are a total , I don't recall asking for any personal opinions on someone that you don't know only some support as I haven't asked for this problem and neither have my legitimate children. Why should I learn to live within any "new means" I work too I don't just sit around expecting the tax payer and some poor sod from a one night stand to support me. There's something wrong with you if you have more respect for the sort of woman who sleeps with so many blokes she isn't sure who fathered her child and has to go around accusing them one by one until she finally whittles it down! Personally I managed to have youth without getting knocked up because I was careful, I've worked since the day I left school and have raised my children to be hard working and my reward for that? Bugger all. Idiots like you have no right to make judgements, if you didn't have anything helpful or intelligent to say then it would be better to just not bother replying. I'll not bother with this site as there is obviously no-one who is actually serious about responding appropriately.

No--really... we ARE responding appropriately.

If the child is his, he WILL be paying back child support.

He should have established whether the child is his when the child was a BABY, not a teenager.

I think that people that mooch off the system are selfish and unfair, too---but why should MY tax money pay for those kids when there's another perfectly good person to do so---the one that contributed half the genes to create the child.

The lesson is this: If you don't want to pay child support years later, then keep your pants on.

Get a lawyer, you'll need one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BarmyRockChick

Right guys quite clear I came to the wrong place looking for advice my mistake.
Steve you are a total , I don't recall asking for any personal opinions on someone that you don't know only some support as I haven't asked for this problem and neither have my legitimate children. Why should I learn to live within any "new means" I work too I don't just sit around expecting the tax payer and some poor sod from a one night stand to support me. There's something wrong with you if you have more respect for the sort of woman who sleeps with so many blokes she isn't sure who fathered her child and has to go around accusing them one by one until she finally whittles it down! Personally I managed to have youth without getting knocked up because I was careful, I've worked since the day I left school and have raised my children to be hard working and my reward for that? Bugger all. Idiots like you have no right to make judgements, if you didn't have anything helpful or intelligent to say then it would be better to just not bother replying. I'll not bother with this site as there is obviously no-one who is actually serious about responding appropriately.

This isn't a support group - it's a board for legal advice. And the legal advice is to support your (his) child.

Quote:

Originally Posted by artlady

The first thing that should occur is a D.N.A. test.He may or may not be the father and I would not part with a penny until you know for certain.
Legally,whether he was entrapped into the sex or not,he is still responsible ,if in fact he is the father.

Might be too late for that. A request for paternity was issued 10 years ago which he refused. Its very possible that a default judgment was ordered against him.

No DNA test has been refused in actual fact.
Factual legal advice would've been appreciated however other than art lady everyone seems to pepper it with their personal opinions which on the whole are abusive and unnecessary.
Has it occurred to anyone that I might want to protect MY children? That they shouldn't have to go without or suffer either because they are just as important are they not? I didn't make this situation, I spent my teenage years being careful not to fall pregnant until I choose to so I don't actually have much respect for girls who didn't take care of themselves.
We don't have much (same as many in the recession) so it's worrying me how I'm going to ensure that I can still care for my children whilst paying out some ridiculous sum of money for someone else's child.
Tax payer still looses because I'll have to claim help from the state for the first time in the nearly 20 years since I left school so it's not really a good deal for anyone is it?

I'm not really interested in personal opinions or comments as they aren't of any help to my situation at all, paternity hasn't been clarified and for all any of you moralists know maybe some other poor sucker is the dad. I've used this to ensure my teenage son knows the consequences of not using a condom but it isn't helpful to say what should've happened it has and I was looking for some advice on where me and my children stand.

Thank you artlady for the reasonable response it was good to know that there was one person who could be friendly and helpful to a newbie.

Jo

Quote:

Originally Posted by BarmyRockChick

No DNA test has been refused in actual fact.
Factual legal advice would've been appreciated however other than art lady everyone seems to pepper it with their personal opinions which on the whole are abusive and unnecessary.
Has it occurred to anyone that I might want to protect MY children? That they shouldn't have to go without or suffer either because they are just as important are they not? I didn't make this situation, I spent my teenage years being careful not to fall pregnant until I choose to so I don't actually have much respect for girls who didn't take care of themselves.
We don't have much (same as many in the recession) so it's worrying me how I'm going to ensure that I can still care for my children whilst paying out some ridiculous sum of money for someone else's child.
Tax payer still looses because I'll have to claim help from the state for the first time in the nearly 20 years since I left school so it's not really a good deal for anyone is it?

I'm not really interested in personal opinions or comments as they aren't of any help to my situation at all, paternity hasn't been clarified and for all any of you moralists know maybe some other poor sucker is the dad. I've used this to ensure my teenage son knows the consequences of not using a condom but it isn't helpful to say what should've happened it has and I was looking for some advice on where me and my children stand.

Thank you artlady for the reasonable response it was good to know that there was one person who could be friendly and helpful to a newbie.

Jo

First, you have to understand how sites like this generally work. When you post a question you open yourself up to any response based on what you post. As long as the response does not violate the guidelines of this site (in which case you use the Report Inappropriate Post link) then it's a reasonable response.

Second, as Steve pointed you, this is not a support group, this is a Q&A site where the answers to your question will deal with the issues raised in the question. You may not like the answers, but as long as they are accurate according to the question then they are valid.

Steve's original response was valid. If you expect us to support the dodging of the law and responsibility that you and your partner have done, then you have, indeed, come to the wrong place. In your case, especially, it is very hard to deal with the legal issues without dealing with your partner's dodging of his legal responsibility.

Now lets deal with the legal issues. The father of a child is legally responsible for supporting that child. That is the law. It matters not what circumstances were involved in the conception of that child, if he fathered the child, then he's responsible. Your attempts to dodge that responsibility have just made matters worse.

What he should have done is submit to a DNA test immediately upon being informed that he was being cited as the father. Had he done so, the issue might have ended there. But if it had been determined that he was the father, then he should have dealt with that responsibility because it was NOT going to go away. It would have been a lot easier to have been aking support payments along the line rather than have to deal with all the arrears that have now accumulated.

I do understand that you want to protect your own children. But I wonder what lesson you are teaching them when you are having their father dodge his responsibility. They may even want to get to know their half sibling which you are keeping them from doing.

No you didn't make this situation, but you DID make it worse by going along with a debunk (though I suspect that may have been more your decision then your partner's). You refer to the child as "someone else's child". But its not someone else's child! Its your partner's child (assuming a DNA test is positive). You need to get that through your head.

You can retain the services of a solicitor to try and fight this, but I suspect none will take the case since there is probably little you can do because the law is clear. I'M not sure of the specific formulas used in the UK, but in the US, the fact that your partner has other children should be factored into the calculation. However, your actions in dodging responsibility is not going to have a court look favorably on your situation.

Finally I disagree that "personal opinions" are not helpful to your situation. You are looking at this situation through a very narrow viewpoint. The girl tricked your partner into having unprotected sex when he was drunk. The CSA is trying to get exorbitant amounts. Its someone else's child. You need to see this situation through someone else's eyes. You need to see that the law is specific. You need to see that your partner has a responsibility to that child no matter what the circumstances of its conception. You need to see that dodging that responsibility was immoral if not illegal and that you are now suffering the consequences of those bad decisions.

Are you married to your partner? Is your partner the father of your children?

If the answer to either of those questions is yes, where you 'stand' is right next to him. You are obviously concerned about YOUR children. How about HIS children? Couldn't care less about him?

THAT is the issue we have. This guy is supposed to be your partner but you are more concerned with you and 'your' kids than him and HIS kids.

Quote:

We don't have much (same as many in the recession) so it's worrying me how I'm going to ensure that I can still care for my children whilst paying out some ridiculous sum of money for someone else's child.

That 'someone else' is allegedly your partner.

You want to know how to protect yourself and your kids? Leave him.