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danac22 · Aug 18, 2009, 08:21 AM

I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now, and he is the sweetest most thoughtful guy that I have ever met. When we are hanging out I have a blast and we are always laughing and having a great time. Although I love him very much and don't want to lose him I can't deal with him being jealous all the time and its driving me crazy. I have always been a friendly person and I seem to have more guy friends than girl friends. To me its normal to have lunch with a guy friend every once and a while but he thinks that if I'm having lunch with another guy than I don't love him or I'm cheating on him. If we´re hanging out and a guy walks by and looks at me or says hi to me he automatically gets all serious. But the thing is, is that he won't tell me it bothered him until days later. He tries to act like he isn´t the jealous type but I can see that it bothers him. At first when I noticed how he got when a guy talked to me I thought it was cute it made me feel good that he would get jealous. But now! I want it to stop. He says that he trust me but how can that be if he won´t let me talk to any guys.

88sunflower · Aug 18, 2009, 08:27 AM

I always felt jealous people don't trust because they don't trust themselves.

If you haven't given any reason for him not to trust you then you should talk to him about this. Tell him how you feel. I am sure he will deny it and won't see it at all the way you do, but you need to get it out there. I can't see a happy future for you both with this type of behavior. It could get worse after some time. What if you come home later for whatever reason? Will you be accused of having an affair? I know I am jumping ahead a bit. But it's that type of possessive behavior that leads to abuse. Maybe he will be more at ease if he meets your "friends" that you like to lunch with. Don't ever hide them or exclude them from your social circle. He will only get more suspicious.

On the other hand, how would you feel if he had girl friends that he had lunch with and liked to hang out with?

N0help4u · Aug 18, 2009, 08:31 AM

Sometimes you have to compromise because in general most people don't think it is right to be hanging with and going to lunch with or even talking with the opposite sex when you have a relationship. But if he is over board with it then he is controlling and that needs to be dealt with or maybe he just isn't right for you.

britEl · Aug 18, 2009, 08:32 AM

I used to have the same issues with my boyfriend except he was just straight up about it and would freak out on the guy who I would be talking to. Every time he did something like that I would talk to him and explain to him that we were just friends and he would say he trusts me, but he doesn't trust the guys (which is still basically not trusting me) So every time he acts in a jealous way we have an argument or we talk, and it seems like he is slowly getting over it. Its just all about trust. Although I don't think going out with other guys for lunch is a wise choice and I can see how your boyfriend would feel about that, maybe introduce him to some of your guy friends and hang out with a group or something maybe he will feel more comfortable and secure and won't worry as much?

88sunflower · Aug 18, 2009, 08:37 AM

I can say its possible to have the opposite sex as a good friend and keep it innocent. But its hard and you both have to have trust. You need to understand where he is coming from with that and maybe find a common ground with it. I think I would avoid the lunches until he knew it was just good friends spending time together.

If he is upset other guys are checking you out then just remind him you are there with him, not them. But its still behavior you need to keep an eye on. Don't let him get out of control with it.

danac22 · Aug 18, 2009, 08:46 AM

Your right maybe having lunch with other guys wasn´t the smoothist move on my part. But also I don't want to lose all my friends and not be able to hang out with anyone just so that he doesn´t get upset. There has to be a way to get him to understand that I only have eyes for him and that I´m not going to leave him for some other guy.

88sunflower · Aug 18, 2009, 08:58 AM

Originally Posted by danac22

Your right maybe having lunch with other guys wasn´t the smoothist move on my part. But also i dont want to lose all my friends and not be able to hang out with anyone just so that he doesn´t get upset. There has to be a way to get him to understand that i only have eyes for him and that i´m not goin to leave him for some other guy.

Love is about give and take. Sometimes there are things you need to adjust for a relationship to go smoothly. You maybe need to rethink what your doing and just stick with the girls.

Again how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?

none12345 · Aug 18, 2009, 02:23 PM

Some people are who they are and they don't want to change because then they wouldn't be themselves. If you are unable to make any sacrifices, then you may be more compatible with someone who shares the same views you do.

My opinion, if I had a girlfriend I would prefer her just hanging out with her friends that are just girls and I'm pretty sure this is how most guys feel unless they are mutual friends.

Why don't you introduce your friends to your boyfriend? If he still doesn't like it, then you decide if you love him enough to compromise your views, or you leave him.

CFZD · Aug 19, 2009, 08:39 PM

Your boyfriend can join you for lunch with another guy.

Invite him next time when you are having lunching with a guy friend, so he knows clearly there is nothing going on with you and your guy friends.