[angelic88]

Hi, my name is Sara and I have come on here hoping someone can help me and give me advice on my husband who shows signs of severe jealousy. I am 25, with two young children from a previous 10 year relationship. He is 32 and has been married twice before me and has two children as well. How can I start... hmmm... well we have known each other for a year and a half, and got married about six months ago. We had a long distant relationship, resulting from meeting online. What seemed as a perfect match, ended us up getting married in a year of us knowing each other. To sum it off, we got married too fast and were not able to spend enough physical time together. SO, I learn the hard way. Move from one neighboring country to the next to get married, sell all my things, give up my place I was renting, sell my car, and leave all that I know behind. I am here now, and see all the things that I should have gave time to see in the beginning. HE has such jealousy issues, it is crazy and the worst I have heard of. Note, he is not physically abusive nor does he swear or curse when he gets mad. But to let you know just how bad it is, he is very religious, a dedicated Christian. He is so sweet and loving, caring and supportive, but then there is the jealousy that wipes that all away. HE uses religion for excuses on things as how I dress, if my clothing is too tight, and I need a new wardrobe, that if I cross my legs wearing pants, to tie my sons shoes even in his mom's home at the door, that will make him start thinking and worrying someone will be looking and spark him yet again to be miserable for days, as if I have done something totally wrong. Umm... that when I bend over others may see my underwear.. so in beginning before I started to wear undertop to prevent him from feeling uncomfortable, he would just be upset for days and I had no idea why. Then it went to my tops that are v-neck are sinful... lol, and they are just the norm. nothing revealing. So I change that to make him less uncomfortable. Then it goes to he wants me to wait till I go outside with kids for them to play, till he is there from work with me... scared someone will come talk to me and I will interact with another man... saying his reason is just to know I am safe... I never did that for long, and seems I got him to deal with it. He asked when I first got married to him to erase my social site of friends and family, because he is not comfortable he seen in history on computer one time, tha he had snooped and seen I was looking at a old male school friends page, so I did. Then it is pictures I have of my ex, my children's father that I don't even communicate with anyway but have only for the kids sake to have photos of him, and that he feels uncomfortable I still have his pics and wanted me to put away the pics for the kids in the attic and get rid of pics I had of the two of us long ago before the kids, so he will not feel upset and jealous to see them... so again I did to make him comfortable. SO now it is us driving and me looking out the window, he will say it is bad to stare and be upset for days over it, and I was just looking out, not at anyone, even a car driving too close will cause him to be upset if he happen to see me looking at it. He doesn't want me to go to a pool where men will have no tops... I intend on it for the intention to take my kids for fun in the future, but he says he will not be happy then if I do that and will be too uncomfortable and I know that, resulting in him saying he thinks we should not be together if I make a choice to do that to him knowing how he feels. It get worse... we can watch a movie, he will shut off or leave room and make remarks like hope you enjoy watching it, if there is a scene of any nudity including peopl in swim suites, like a beach scene or whatever if I don't realize, being use to that and I don't look away right away, or he expects me to look away during that time with him.. sinful to watch he says... he uses the Bible in any way possible to shelter me and use to his advantage. He feels I one day will leave, that I am too good for him or will want someone else. He gets jealous if I even ask a male store clerk for directions or anything to where I interact with any male, young or old. He will just give me the silent treatment for days and be miserable over simple things like that. HE had bad past relationships and marriages and no one could take it and put up with it, so they left him. I don't go anywhere except church and grocery store, and outside with the kids, I don't know anyone here in the US, and that is it. I need help. Do I stay with him when he has told me he refuses to get help and won't acknowledge anymore that he has a problem, or just leave? I will have to start all over, re-move back to my country and my kids are just so attached to him now. I would be fine if he was not like that and feel free again around him and enjoy life. He is just so good except for this severe problem. Such a great person and husband, but this throws it all off and has distanced me away from him due to this. Any advice? I want to at least try, but it is so hard with a person who will not budge and go talk with even a family member, saying to me it is our marriage and no one else will get involved, or that he is not crazy and is not getting help. I always remind him how much I love him and married him and only want him. Also, I have not given him any reason to be jealous, and no longer do I even speak to any long time male friends to keep him comfortable. I'd appreciate it if anyone could help with some ideas. I want to try to work with him and make it wok, but I am more than annoyed and feel inprisoned in my own home... he likes the window blinds only craked open,lol, afraid someone will be looking in at me doing dishes or whatever, so this just adds to it to actually feel like a prison. Thanks.

[lumpycampbell]

I am not an expert. SO PLEASE take what I say as "chat between friends".

THe relegious aspect you knew before you married. This was something you accepted to some extent.
-but he is using it as as emotional control.
He is punishing you to keep you under his thumb and making you feel guilty. He is insecure and emotionally abusive.

Again- This is chit chat.

I can understand that the kids are attached, but children learn what they live. Is the kind of role model you want for your children? If you have a son, do you want him to treat women they way you are being treated and think its okay? Of if you have a daughter would you want her treated like you are being treated.

If he isn't in their lives, they will get over it.

Seek help. If he won't go, then you go.

Best of luck... and remember you are worth more than anything to your kids!

[talaniman]

A 32 year old guy who has been married twice is a red flag that you should have investigated earlier.

Now his true self is emerging, and its not a pretty picture since he is isolating you, and controlling your world.

Sorry but I think you rushed into something, with a poor fool who needs help, and don't think this is a situation that will bring happiness to you, or your kids.

I also feel his already bad behavior, will get worse.

[jaemiller]

Are you a Christian?