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pushedtolimits · Jul 28, 2009, 07:23 PM

My husband and I have a 12 year old son whom has always been very demanding since birth, always wanting attention, doing naughty things and constantly seems to break things not on purpose just due to sheer carelessness. We tried to keep him stimulated with lots of attention and love, reading to him, swimming lessons, kinder gym musical classes etc. Now that he is 12 and twice my size he constantly argues with me and at times uses his size to push me out the way,swear at me and threaten me. He says he wishes I was dead and other nasty things. He seems happy at his new school and has friends. Once he is in a negative mood it can take up to 10 days for him to come out of it. What is wrong with him ? Could it be ADD ? He is an Aquarian. I am very patient but after 4-5 days of this behaviour I am pushed to my limits. We thought all children were like this until our next child was born whom is a reasonably easy child and is now 7.

N0help4u · Jul 28, 2009, 07:50 PM

Yes he could be ADHD, ADD, ODD or any number of mental health issues. He could be holding judges.
Get him to a psychologist and see what they say, The more you give into his demands the more he will push you arouind.
I would take him to get counseling and do some sessions with the two of you together s the therapist can evaluate your interaction and make suggestions how to talk to each other.

J_9 · Jul 28, 2009, 08:19 PM

What does your husband do about this? Maybe it's time for Daddy to step into the picture and set the boy straight.

jenniepepsi · Jul 31, 2009, 11:06 PM

I agree its time for daddy to step in and make him listen.

First off I'm sorry your dealing with ths. It can be frustrating I'm sure.

I would suggest you get him into see a psychologist/psychiatrist. He may have ADHD, he may also have some anger management issues which is common in preteen/teen adhd kids.

But he definitely needs help. And at the same time, while I'm not critizising your parenting, and you sound like a very loving mother, its time for you to stop being his loving mommy, and be his stern and firm teacher. He needs some firm discapline it sounds like. Love is very very important, and its important to be a friend to your child, but you also have to find the balance between love, and discaplin.

Its something everyone must learn for themselves. I'm still learning it too. Any mother who says 'i have it down pat and perfect' is most likely lying.

Good luck hon.

louisvillelady · Sep 11, 2009, 03:24 PM

You are not alone. I have a 10 yr old son who has become obsessed with me and doesn't like me. He has always been difficult! The difference between your son and mine is he doesn't have any true friends. What I mean by that he has no one to play with in the neighborhood and he has not true friends at school because he doesn't know how to be a good friend. My son has been diagnosed with ADHD and during his last evaluation he told the therapist is happy and has lots of friends. Unfortunately, this is not the case. I am going to start looking for a therapist for me and him. I also have asked his Dad and my husband to start spending more time with him. I think this might be part of his anger. I don't know but I wanted to tell you that your not alone. Good luck and please keep me posted with any good tips!

Jake2008 · Sep 11, 2009, 08:28 PM

It is more likely than not, that he doesn't need a medical diagnosis, or medication to go along with it to correct his behaviour.

He doesn't have trouble anywhere but at home. He has friends, he does well at school. I presume by what you've said that the school hasn't recommended any testing for ADD/ADHD, and he hasn't been in trouble for temper related problems like beating other kids up, or being bullied etc.

Maybe I read this wrong, but it seems that his anger is directed to you, in your home only.

Sometimes when a kid has been given everything without working for it, they simply expect more because they are deserving or entitled to it. All that you have done for him is fine and dandy, but what do you expect of him.

By the age of 12 he should be doing chores like cutting grass, doing his laundry, washing dishes or loading the dishwasher. Money should not be handed over without him having the satisfaction of earning it himself. He shouldn't be allowed to have valet service, maid service, a cook, and a banker that he abuses, instead of respects and earns.

I do agree that your husband might be a big part of the way your son treats you. I presume that your husband doesn't treat you that way, and your husband would likely stand up to anybody else treating you that way, so why does he allow your son to push you around.

Your son has a bad attitude because he can. His rewards are the same whether he shows respect or not.

In my opinion you don't need a shrink to teach you how to effectively discipline your son, which is what I think needs to be done here. Because you have given him so much with all the activities you've mentioned, does not mean that your son owes you respect and good behaviour. You have to let him know, in no uncertain terms, that there are consequences for his behaviour.

This situation won't pass easily. You AND your husband have some work to do to get this kid back on track, and keep him there.

imaima · Sep 10, 2011, 05:57 AM

They way your describing your son is as if you were describing mine. I have an 8 year old that was very demanding of our time from the moment he was born since he was a preemi(23 weeker) we just thought that his behavior had a lot to do with him being born so early and since he was our first born we just thought that's the way kids are but four years later we had our second son and he just bring the best in us. We have tried everything that we can think of or any ideas people throw at us but nothing seems to work. He was diagnosed with ADHD about two years ago. It didn't change his behavier at home but it help with his grades at school.