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ThisMom · Apr 1, 2008, 01:40 PM

I recently had a conversation with my almost 19 year old daughter regarding my dislike for her boyfriend - He has hit her, he calls her names and he recently caused her to get evicted from her apartment for breaking down her door. She got angry with me about my opinion of him and hung up on me. I called her back and she told me that she hates me and always has, then she called me a f-ing b-itch. It's not the first time she's talked to me like dirt, but it is the first she's called me that!

I have bent over backwards trying to do the best I can for her. I was 18 when I had her, and I raised her on my own without the help of her dad. She is an only child, and she has been spoiled over the years by her grandparents - whom she treats disrespectfully as well (only she doesn't curse them).

I have spent the last 4 years being talked to like dirt by her. I decided that I am not going to allow her to treat me the way she does anymore. I told her not to call me again until she can treat me with respect. She called the other day, but was rude to me again so I hung up on her. Her 19th birthday is just a few days and I originally planned to do something nice for her, but now I feel that it wouldn't be appreciated at all. I don't know whether to give her a card, write her a letter or what!

I love her with all my heart, but I can't take being treated the way she treats me anymore. Am I doing the right thing by not speaking to her? What should I be doing?

Thanks!

J_9 · Apr 1, 2008, 01:58 PM

Okay, so she is out of the house and living alone? If that is the case, you really need to swallow your thoughts about her boyfriend. Sure you don't like him, but she is an adult making her own way and has the right to her own choices.

Now, as far as the attitude goes, simply send her a card. It may just get the message across.

ThisMom · Apr 1, 2008, 02:17 PM

Thank you for responding. I agree, she is an adult now but there was a specific reason we were talking about him... I just edited my question above with the reason.

N0help4u · Apr 1, 2008, 04:11 PM

You have to quit bending over backwards for her and be assertive that you are not going to put up with anything negative. She has to learn on her own that life isn't all that easy. I hope her grandparents are not helping her either. She needs tough love.
My younger daughter use to treat me like dirt and think she had the answers for everything.
After she got out on her own and saw life isn't all black and white answers she realizes that
I wasn't all that wrong or bad after all.
As for her boyfriend you have to leave her deal with her relationships on her own, unless she comes to you for advice (you still have to be careful to not put him down) because when you say you do not like the guy she is 'in love with' (for whatever reason) you are forcing her to take sides on her *loyalty*.