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jd1985 · Jul 28, 2009, 03:50 AM

Three months ago, my girlfriend of 5 years told me she wanted a break. Two months ago, we broke up for good. She said she was no longer in love with me. We have had no contact for the last six weeks, because I told her I did not want any contact. I want no contact so that I can get over her and so we both have time and space to think about things.

We broke up due to her insecurities about the relationship. She was very unsure about her decision to break up and I feel that she is still in love with me. However, I have accepted that the relationship is over and I am trying to move on.

She sent me a birthday card a few days ago. I also got a missed call from a blocked ID very late on the night of my birthday. I have not got one of those calls for a long time - is that a coincidence, or was she phoning me for some reason (possibly drunk)? Does it matter? I was pretty surprised to get the card. I sent her a short text message thanking her for it, because although I do not want contact with her, I want to be polite. She replied with a very brief message. That was it.

What is going on? What was the point in sending me a birthday card? I felt by texting her to say thanks that I was giving her the opportunity to say anything she wanted to say. If she was looking for friendship, I think I gave her the opportunity to say something. I feel that if there is to be a discussion about our relationship or getting back together, it has to come from her. I am not chasing her anymore. I have no intention of contacting her again. What do you guys think? Thanks for reading this.

Joseph,
Calgary, AB

kctiger · Jul 28, 2009, 05:57 AM

She is your ex... so wondinering why she does what she does is pointless. Who cares right?

jmooney527 · Jul 28, 2009, 06:23 AM

What do YOU think? It sounds like you want her to come crawling back to you and beg to get back together. Is that really what you want? The fact that you are questioning her motives leads me to believe you want her to do this.

Since she herself has been pretty decent with no contact, apart from the birthday card and birthday phone call, I would just assume that it is over for good and pay no mind to it. Like you said, she had the opportunity to say something via text when you thanked her, but she didn't.

Sometimes exes do some stupid things to get back in contact... don't torture yourself trying to interpret this though. If she really wants to get back together, she will find a way and you won't need to analyze.

ZoeMarie · Jul 28, 2009, 06:29 AM

Originally Posted by jd1985

Does it matter?!

In short, no. She's your ex. You said you didn't want contact with her because you want to move on. You're on the right track. Try not to be distracted if she isn't. Easier said than done, I know. And try not to think about the missed call. Could have been her, could have been anyone.

I wish · Jul 28, 2009, 06:35 AM

I got to point out that you broke the rules.
The point of no contact is so that you don't have to over-analyse all these little details because you have no contact.

So after she sent you the birthday card, you shouldn't have written her a text message. You don't need to be polite when you are in no contact. No contact means no contact. So now that you sent the text and she replied, you are over-analyzing the all these signs from her. If she wanted things to start up again, she will let you know, so you don't need to guess.

As for you, you've already decided that you do not want her back, so you don't need to worry about her actions. But something tells me that if she wanted you back, you will take her, otherwise you wouldn't have come into this forum to ask for help. You need to continue with no contact (no more breaking the rules) and sort out your feelings. You need to decide whether you would take her back if she wanted you. Because if you had that feeling, it means you're not really over her.

jd1985 · Jul 28, 2009, 07:02 AM

Of course I'm not over her! I went out with the girl for five years and broke up with her two months ago!

Would I take her back? I don't know. I'd definitely listen to what she had to say and have a think about it. I wouldn't want to have to go through all this with her again.

I think you guys are right though - there's no point in analysing all these things, and if she wants to get in contact she will.