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newcastleunited · Jul 24, 2009, 09:10 AM

Hey guys, This is a problem I really need some help with and I kind of feel uncomfortable talking about it.. :o..

The problem is.. I am now 22 years old and I am very very shy and not very out going.. I hardly have any friends because I'm too scared to make friends and to talk to strangers and I always avoid going to relatives and to parties.. I prefer to be alone in my room and I go out for my classes only..

Anyway I really need some help overcoming this shyness problem.. I used to have quite a few friends in school but after school I feel everything has went down hill for me "socially" its been 1 year and I still don't have any friends or anything in my college.. Plus I also find it very uncomfortable to talk to people I don't know and also in public.. My hear beat just goes way up if my teacher asks me a question in the class and I start to sweat :o.. I know it sounds crazy but that's me :(

Today our teacher said that he was going to ask a few questions.. I don't know why but he looked at me and said "dont worry i wont ask you :D".. That was pretty embarrassing.. Anyway I really need to overcome this problem sooner or later so can someone help me or give me any advice?

Oh and I also have a stuttering problem which also makes it a problem for me to communicate with other people..

newcastleunited · Jul 24, 2009, 09:13 AM

And I would like to add to that, My hear just starts pounding really really fast when I have to do even the simpliest of things! Like going to my class alone.. I feel nervous.. going to the shop alone to get something, I get nervous.. basically even the tiniest of interaction with a stranger or even a relative makes me really anxious and worried and nervous and what not ! Lol

So I SERIOUSLY need help

N0help4u · Jul 24, 2009, 09:15 AM

It sounds like something deeper than shyness if you use to have friends and get out.
You should talk to your friends more about what you feel and see what they say. Try and find little things that can help build up your courage. Like try meeting at least one new friend or getting back with some of your old friends.
You maybe really should talk to a psychologist/therapist and figure out what has made you this way.

newcastleunited · Jul 24, 2009, 09:28 AM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

It sounds like something deeper than shyness if you use to have friends and get out.
You should talk to your friends more about what you feel and see what they say. Try and find little things that can help build up your courage. Like try meeting at least one new friend or getting back with some of your old friends.
You maybe really should talk to a psychologist/therapist and figure out what has made you this way.

Actually even though I used to have friends in school, I didn't make them friends myself, They started talking to me themselves and hence I became their friend.. I don't recall making a friend myself.. and I used to go out and have fun with friends in school but I would still hide behind my friends and never take any responsibility and always just try to avoid and push my friends ahead of me..

All of my friends tell me that I'm too shy and well I'm in college right now and I might be going to UK for higher studies but my friends told me that I can't go and live alone in a different country because I can't even talk properly to people. That annoys me because I really want to go abroad on my own.

Another problem that I have is that I also start shaking when I'm nervous. Its makes it all even more embarrassing..

N0help4u · Jul 24, 2009, 09:35 AM

If they went to the bother of talking to you then they were probably interested in your friendship.
Sounds like you need to have some courage and step out and make things happen.
If there were any of these kids in school you were particularly liking and know how to get in touch with them try giving them a call or try getting a better relationship going with the friends you do have.
Even if you take baby steps DO something.
I use to be all outgoing and never could get out. Now I have a vehicle that I can get out and I am getting like you just wanting to sit in the house and acting like the four walls are my friend instead of my prison.
It is really getting the best of me down and out wasting away like this.

newcastleunited · Jul 24, 2009, 12:59 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4truuD_xMP0

newcastleunited · Jul 24, 2009, 01:02 PM

YouTube - Health Matters: What is Social Anxiety Disorder?
^^ This video, I've been watching and I can say its completely relating to all of my experiences.

After A levels I joined a professional qualification in which I was required to give presentations.. it got me so freaked out and nervous that I avoided it completely and dropped out of that professional qualification and joined a similar professional qualification in which you didn't have to give presentations.. Now I can't keep running away from these sort of stuff forever.. I have to overcome it somehow or the other.. I don't really feel comfortable talking to a doctor or with my parents about it though.. So that's my last option..

All suggestions are welcome :)

donny799 · Jul 25, 2009, 03:52 AM

Hey I just read yours after you said your problem is the same and it pretty much is! I think itd be cool if we spoke? Do you have msn or something and ill add you? :)

donny799 · Jul 25, 2009, 03:52 AM

Hey I just read yours after you said your problem is the same and it pretty much is! I think itd be cool if we spoke? Do you have msn or something and ill add you? :)

manishpowar · Jul 26, 2009, 07:35 AM

Hi, I am new to this site in fact this is my first question that I am answering here..
What you are describing are a lot of strong feelings usually stemming from very deep rooted beliefs about oneself. These lead to certain kind of behaviors.
YOU Don't NEED TO WORRY. Cause there is nothing that cannot be worked out. You know how to find me. Take care will remember you in my prayers. Do keep in touch.

confirmation · Sep 25, 2010, 01:23 PM

newcastleunited,
Are you still there?
I want to assure you that you can do nothing about your shyness. You only have to accept it. I am 52 and I act exactly the same way like 30 years ago and like you now. And I am still alive. You are lucky you have internet. 30 years ago I had nothing. Nobody talked to me, nobody wrote a line to me.
At 43 I moved to an other country. I was never able to talk with people in my native language and it is worst now in my 2 new languages French and English. But I was able to finish my studies in my country even shaking of fear and having a burning face and feel alaways so embarrassed about ordinary things.