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FitzySmarty · Jul 15, 2009, 06:19 PM

Ok... so how do I talk to my mom? It seems that we are always at each others' throats these days; I know I am 16 and that is what 16 year old girls and their moms do -fight. But see this is a whole new thing for me. I don't really fight with my mom a lot. But recently we have been about stupid stupid things too. So I'm trying to figure out a way to talk to her and keep our relationship relatively strong too but she fights with me about everything and I can't stand talking to her anymore.

My current issue:

I haven't exactly told her that I decided to stay with my boyfriend who went off to the Air Force Academy a few weeks ago (we plan to attempt the long-distance thing for a while to see if it works out). She doesn't know that and she is getting mad at me for wanting to see him when he comes home first in November. And, so that I don't get lonely with him gone, I've been getting back into touch with old friends and friends I haven't seen in a while. Whenever I say that I am going to do something with any of these friends, she says something like "I don't understand why you stay in touch with them. You never see each other and it's been five years. He used to be so weird." It's kind of offensive to say the least.

So back to my question...

How do I talk to my mom without her yelling at me or being mean? And how do I come onto the subject of me staying with my boyfriend (she is completely entirely opposed to the idea even though we have been dating for the past year... )?

Help please?

N0help4u · Jul 15, 2009, 06:24 PM

A. HOW old are you?

16, 18 over 20?

FitzySmarty · Jul 15, 2009, 06:28 PM

I'm 16.

N0help4u · Jul 15, 2009, 06:32 PM

Okay
B. what state do you live in and how old is your boyfriend?

FitzySmarty · Jul 15, 2009, 06:36 PM

Maryland and my boyfriend is 18 and he just graduated high school this year.

N0help4u · Jul 15, 2009, 06:47 PM

Okay age of consent is 16 in Maryland so he can not get in trouble for being with a minor.

On the other hand you can not move out unless your mother would sign for you to get emancipated and you fell under the other requirements. Unless your state law is different but I doubt it and your mother isn't going to give consent from what you are saying. Therefore if you did move out then she could get him for harboring a runaway since you are under 18.

FitzySmarty · Jul 15, 2009, 06:53 PM

No I don't want to runaway!! My boyfriend is going to school at the Air Force Academy and we are trying the long-distance relationship. So I'll still be here and he'll be there throughout all of this.

I love my family and my boyfriend. But I don't understand how to talk to my mom anymore and that was what I needed advice with. Especially with explaining to her that I want to remain in a relationship with my boyfriend even when he is in college.

FitzySmarty · Jul 15, 2009, 06:54 PM

Sorry if my wording was confusing in my original question. I meant "stay with my boyfriend" as in remain as boyfriend/girlfriend. My mom wanted us to break up because she decided for me that it would be too hard to keep a relationship up from Maryland to Colorado.

N0help4u · Jul 15, 2009, 06:56 PM

I know you don't want to run away but you said ''I haven't exactly told her that I decided to stay with my boyfriend''
I am saying if you do that then under the law you would be technically considered a runaway and your boyfriend would be charged with harboring a minor. You would be considered a runaway. AND it would cost your boyfriend his entire military career.

N0help4u · Jul 15, 2009, 07:02 PM

Originally Posted by FitzySmarty

Sorry if my wording was confusing in my original question. I meant "stay with my boyfriend" as in remain as boyfriend/girlfriend. My mom wanted us to break up because she decided for me that it would be too hard to keep a relationship up from Maryland to Colorado.

If she is yelling at you then I think it is more than her concerned about a long distance relationship.
Ask her what she is so afraid of with him being so far away it gives you time to get to know each other better through talking without getting pyshically involved and into a mistake like a lot of young people do.
Also maybe you should tone down your ''relationship'' with him to your mom. Like don't be talking about your future hopes with him, but talk about things in the here and now with you and him. She may feel that you are getting ahead of yourself like making plans for the future and so forth and she doesn't want you to end up hurt.

FitzySmarty · Jul 15, 2009, 07:14 PM

Thanks! I'll try that out the next time that the subject comes up. I was afraid to bring up the subject because I didn't want her to say that I wasn't allowed to be in a relationship with him. But it is my relationship and not hers so I feel that it should be my decision of whether my boyfriend and I are together through college.

N0help4u · Jul 15, 2009, 07:21 PM

She is your mom and you should listen to her because she is your mother and she has more years experience. In the long run you're going to talk to your boyfriend because you want it so bad and she can't really stop you but she is wanting to look out for you because she is your mom and wants what she feels is best.