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    blueeyedlou's Avatar
    blueeyedlou Posts: 6, Reputation: 3
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    #1

    Jul 10, 2009, 08:00 PM
    He won't sleep with me. Is it me, or is it him?
    So I'm 27, and a couple of years ago began a relationship with a man 10 years my senior. Things moved really quickly and I fell hard for him. Then he started having problems - financial, emotional, he declared bankruptcy and spiralled into a deep depression. The "relationship" was off, although we were still sleeping together. I know he wasn't seeing anyone else and neither was I. I was there for support and at that point, I was getting something out of it too. Now he's somewhat better but feels it's wrong to sleep with me because he doesn't want to "lead me on". I feel like he's made this decision and instead of talking to me about it, he's just stopped all affection and expects me to be okay about it. It's been a couple of months without it now, and I've tried to talk to him about it but he just says it's wrong. He never had a problem with it before. I still stay at his house all the time, sleep in his bed yet nothing happens. Why is it like this? Is there something wrong with me, or is it him? I'm feeling really resentful and rejected and seriously considering going somewhere else for some fun, because I am getting nothing out of this arrangement. I've talk to friends abot it and they think there's something wrong with him, as "south" usually wins the battle, not the brain when it comes to intimate relations. Any advice for me? :(
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #2

    Jul 10, 2009, 08:12 PM
    I'm feeling really resentful and rejected and seriously considering going somewhere else for some fun, because I am getting nothing out of this arrangement.
    Tell him this and then be prepared to follow through if he doesn't come around.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #3

    Jul 10, 2009, 08:13 PM

    It is him and if you having such negative feelings of resentment then you do need to tell him and let him know that you want to be in a relationship where it is mutual decisions.

    If he would tell you exactly what caused his change of heart that would be one thing but he is running the way the relationship is to go according to him and leaving your feelings totally out of it.
    Maybe morality struck him
    Maybe he is having a problem like his libido or E. D. or stress
    whatever it is if he valued you enough he would open up more than 'its just wrong'
    makapuu's Avatar
    makapuu Posts: 304, Reputation: 63
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    #4

    Jul 10, 2009, 08:41 PM

    The guy must have a valid reason for not having sex with you. You fell hard for him before, and maybe he doesn't want that to happen again, even though you just want to be friends with benefits.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #5

    Jul 12, 2009, 02:58 PM

    I'm feeling really resentful and rejected and seriously considering going somewhere else for some fun, because I am getting nothing out of this arrangement.
    Tell him its over, and your out of here. He has shut down communications, and sex, so leave.
    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
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    #6

    Jul 12, 2009, 07:05 PM

    He won't communicate, therefore is emotionally closed off to the relationship, now you leave and get yourself happy
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