[twizkid]

Hello this is my first time asking a question and I'm going to use a full detailed story with complete honesty...

I guess this all started around a month ago maybe more.. manchester united vs barcalona was on the TV.. and I invited my best mate up my house and a girl who I liked but just thought I would ask her for a drink just as mates wasent looking for anything..

Then when the match was over we lost (man you fan gutting) we started to play a drinking game... and well it got a bit late and this girl (stacey her name is) was still there my mate asked her where is she staying tonight? She shrugged her shoulders and said don't know...

I said well you can stay here if you want...

That night we ended up watching a movie and then went up stairs and had sex..

That was fine the next morning we said our good byes... I asked her if she wanted to come up mine again she ended up staying on the Friday. And Saturday..

By the time Friday came I asked her if she would start seeing me..

She said yes..

Go me... right? WRONG.
I started to get these feelings really quick and believe me she isn't the type of girl most people would go for she is extreamly shy... and does not like to talk about realtionships...
She never talks ever... but I started to get feelings for her... anyway we were on Facebook and she decided to tell me it was over.. wow shocker...

I tried a lot of things I deleted her from Facebook and my mobile phone I even asked people for help and it made it worse... so I found out she was going to go out clubbing or supposidly go out clubbing with my mate... so I text her all frantic asking her why she would do that... again she said she didn't I asked her to come meet me she said OK...

We met and I ended up snogging her.. and every weekend we slept together...
We go to pictures and snogg... etc... do the couple thing...

But what bit the dust was this...

We went camping with her friend as a couple camping thing...

We slept together...

But I just wanted to no where we were...
We held eachothers hand till we got home...
And I was confused as she was suppost to stay at mine that day as well...

Her mate told me she wasn't going to bother...
So I got pissed and sent her a long large text...
That wasent enough (thank god she was sleeping)
So I walked down to her house...

And told her that I was in love with her... and that I wanted an answer she didn't give me one on the door... so I walked away and said just send me a text and hour later I got that text and it said

I don't feel the same way...
FINE! Moving on time...

Here's the crunch..
She again stayed at my house the folllowing weekend
We again slept together..

She went home and now she is on holiday... this week and will be back on the Friday and I asked her to come up my house again for barby... she said she will...

Now I am not dumb you got to like someone to sleep with them... or at best got to feel something there for countinuing...

What is the best action...

By the way I am not in love with her it was all the chase that confused my emotions...

I'm 21 she is 19

Can someone give me advice on how to get her in to a relationship... also advice on how to let go... I would like two answers kind of like a ying yang..

[Vicky_vtec]

Hey there, after reading your post the first thing I taught was perhaps this girl is only interested in you for her own enjoyment ( the sex) and that as she knows you have a keen interest in her she can used that to her advantage knowing that she can easily have you when she desires. However after glancing at it a second time I notice you mentioned the fact she is a shy girl and from my experiences of shy girls I don't think that using a guy for sex is something they practice in. This girl I would say is just as confused as you are. Have you asked her is there another man in her life or someone who perhaps she is holding out for. If there is someone else she is interesed in it is clear that she is only using you while she waits, let it be for practice or just simply to keep her busy while she waits. I do not think you can try trapping this girl into a relationship if its not what she wants. I do believe you need to get together with this girl and talk about what is going on between the two of ye. Even if you think you will not like the outcome it still has to be done so you will know where you stand. Do not arrange to meet up at either of your houses as you both know that it will end up as the two of ye sleeping together yet again. Perhaps the two of you could arrange to meet up some lunch time at a café or something similar, nothing to formal as it is only to see where each of you are at in your life's and to see if it is time to move on.

[s_cianci]

I don't think this girl is relationship material. As the previous poster suggested, she probably just wanted to have some fun with you and she did. And you had your fun with her. Now forget about her, call it a done deal and move on.

[twizkid]

There is something that she is holding out on I think... she has a child and also this may come of another surprise I live with my ex girlfriend who we both have child.. with but we do not have sex as I said it is very compicated story..

Basically I knew her like 3 years ago when she was dating my mate... they lasted for 3 weeks and she got pregnant... wow right

They broke up after 3 weeks and she hasent had a relationship since then all she has had is either one night stands... or me..

And as far as my ex and I living together that is just because we are good with my son..

There is that little bit of a twist...

She seems confused herself and I think she does like me... she admitted it herself..
A lot of her friends and her sister pushes her to be with me... I have asked them to stop..

And I would like to add that I enjoy the sex and we both have said to each other we are both the best we have ever had...

When we do have sex its passonate... and its like I don't want her to go home unpleased...
That night she came up mine we talked for hours.. and she got up set with a story that I told about my kid.. and cried as it resembles her own... and cried...

She has been used a lot of times... I will admit... and I think she likes the attention...

I don't want to loose her but feel the need to loose her... and move on... but I don't like to see a girl who I trully like loose what she and I know would be good for her...

She has said she would rather be mates... but what's the sex all to do with it...

Yea when you drunk you do things that your not suppost to but.. in that time... she came on to me... last weekend...

She quoted these words "you dont want me touching you do you" and I replied your drunk...

I said it would help if you would tell me what you wanted and she came over and hugged me and put her hand open to insinuate hold my hand...
So I did..
Then one thing led to another...

I'm confused... big time... with this.. normally I no how to read woman... but as lady gaga says PPP OKER FACE PPP OKER FACE... SHE HAS ONE OF THE BEST!

[N0help4u]

Wake up to the real world... MANY girls sleep with someone they do not love or have any feelings for. She is using you. Your best course of action is telling her you feel it is better you never see each other again.

[Vicky_vtec]

Now that you add two children into the equation this situation just got a lot more complicated. Fair play for sticking with the mother of your child even though the two of you are no longer a couple that deserves a pat on the back. Having said that though what does the mother of your son think about you inviting stacey over to stay. Does she mind?

As you know due to the fact you have a child yourself maybe you can understand that stacey isn't interested in a relationship because she is prioritizing her child over her love life, which is good. And she perhaps she feels that if she gets involved with some one eithier her love life or son will suffer because she will have to split her time between the two and maybe risking negleting one. Or another outlook on things could be that she has already had one man walk out on her and is afraid of this happening again.

If she has asked for ye to stay as friends I do not feel you should push her for more even if when she has had a few drinks and you end up sleeping together you need to realise that somebody here has to draw the line some place because this is tearing you apart and your only wrecking your own head.

Just one more thing you say she has had lots of one night stands. This I can relate to personally as I myself have been here and I think that you may indeed be right by saying she enjoys the attention. This girl has a child, she's a single parent, she's 19 and come on she isn't going to turn down the attention as neither did I and it was all just to make me feel better for that hour or so.

[twizkid]

I AGREE WITH WHAT YOU ARE SAYING...

Personaly I believe she does like me... I mean yea you can be used and stuff.. and I think she is looking out for her child..

And as far as inviting her around when my ex is there... that's another story (my ex still likes me) lol... its so complicated...

Fact is I enjoy her time.. and maybe its best for me to move on... but if we are just mates.. who sleep with each other then what could that lead to disaster..

From reading what I can read these is many different things that can go through her head..
I have sat down with her and it went well... we both agreed we should be with each other but not to rush in to deep.. then I got in to deep.. fact is I have fallen for her quick and I think it scares her a lot..

I was advised to just keep on sleeping with her then one day ask where are we?
And not to push her to far just ask those simple questions... if she does not get what I am saying then just leave her there..

I been told to play the hard guy... not contact her let her contact me... it does not work..

I feel I'm stuck in the middle and perhaps just maybe she would snap out of it...
The thing is I'm the type of person to burdan what ever baggage they carry I'm looking out for the one I want to be with either if its with out child or with child... I will be there no matter what..

Sad thing is.. I don't think she believes me...

I think I will go with your advice I will see her this weekend to see how it goes.. with no pressure..
Then I will discontact with her for a couple of weeks get my head sorted out... and maybe she will come around...

I have a driving test next week anyway so if I pass that ill be out most of the time showing off my car lol...

Then maybe ill get a text of her... hopefully

[talaniman]

Like most friends with benefits, one partner always wants more, that's you. She doesn't, and you can't handle that. That's your problem, not hers.

can someone give me advice on how to get her in to a relationship...

She doesn't want one, at least not now, and its doubtful she will change her mind, but who can see what the future brings.

also advice on how to let go... I would like two answers kind of like a ying yang..

Stop having sex with her, and she will probably go elsewhere for her fun.

Its up to you to make a decision, and the right adjustments that work for you.

A lot of guys would be wondering what your problem is. I don't, you want the whole package, but she doesn't.

Its not an easy choice, but its all yours. The last thing you need is to keep digging yourself in deeper with no clear prospects, but hey, you can always enjoy what you have, and see what happens next.

Who knows as your lust may just wear off on its own. Or hers will. Is she worth the risks or not?

[Vicky_vtec]

I feel you have your head on right here. You know that you should back off just a little and give her some time and space for her to miss you and realise that when your not around she wishes you where and that when the two of you are together you make her feel good, happy, make her laugh etc. Then she will want you aronud more. I no its hard, buts its got to be done. You just need to disapline yourself. It will be worth it in the end.

You say your ex still has feelings for you. If that is true you also have to sit her down for a talk not to ask for permission to be with stacey but merely just inform her of your decission. After all she is the mother of your son and the last thing you want to do is go thread on anybodys toes or get anyone's back up. That would be the smartest idea I'm sure you would agree.

You say you where advised to just sleep with her for a while and then ask some where down the road where ye both were at? Instead I would advice you spend proper quality time with her. Maybe go out for dinner go to the cinema maybe bring both your kids to the park ( check it with your ex first, she may not be to keen on your child spending time with "the other women") by doing this she knows that you have more to offer her than just time in the bedroom and it's a chance to connect in a different way. As parents!

Hopefully you do pass your driving test (fingers crossed). That will take your mind off things for a while, you will be able to get out of the house and clear your head instead of being in all the time pondering this complicated situtaion. You will be busy going places and doing stuff maybe you'l be able to forget it all. Even if just for a little while.

[twizkid]

Wow all that did make sense I must agree with the child thing I will probably meet up with her this weekend... and I ask what she is doing in the day time first... probably go to the beach with the kids if she is interested that is.. other then that I think I will take the friend option first if I she does come to the barby I will ask her to leave at a point and explain if we are going to be friends then lets just be friends I don't want to end up sleeping with you... I would want her for me... not to be feel good and then just leave the next morning with out saying a word..

Thank you for this advice and I will gladly give you recommendation to anyone who asks it

[Vicky_vtec]

Thank You!

Yes I think asking her to leave at a certain point is a very good idea. She will then see that you are serious about staying as friends and that she means something to you.

Dont Forget To Let Me Know How Things Go.