[natasha84]

About 5 months ago, I got engaged to the most amazing, sweet, and awsome guy. We have a very strong, and very loving relationship. There's only one problem. I have huge trust issues, and I am an extremely jealous person. I have had a lot of bad relationships that were physically, emotionally and mentally abusive. My step dad as I was growing up constantly told me and his son that we were fat, disgusting and we don't deserve to eat. I was 12 years old, and I was 135lbs, and very overly developed. So ever since I was younger I don't have good self esteem, and I don't feel like I am good enough for my partner. My biggest issue is when there are other women around and I catch him looking at them, or when we are watching TV and naked or half naked women come on TV. I can't even describe how it makes me feel. I feel very ugly and unpretty, he constantly tells me I am pretty but I can't change the way I feel. My worry is that he fantasizes about those women when we make love together, and that hurts so bad. People tell me to get over it and I am going to drive him away, but how do I get over it. If I could just make it go away I would, I hate this feeling, I feel like my skin is on fire, I start to sweat, and then I get a stomach ache, and usually end up pissed off at him for watching TV, and in the bathroom crying. PLEASE HELP ME!! I beg YOU

[redhed35]

The thing to remember is this man that your engaged to is NOT abusive..
In your own words he is sweet and loving.
Some counselling could resolve your past issues and help you to enjoy your relationship.
You can't stop the TV ads or the naked woman,there everywhere! And men look.That does not mean he is going to act on it.
He loves you.He choose you to be his wife.your the winner.You have a sweet awsome man.
You are enough for him. Be enough for yourself.
Again I suggest some counselling.

[JBeaucaire]

Jealousy is simply another form of selfishness.

Successful relationships aren't just built on trust, in fact trust isn't even required if commitment is solid. Don't get me wrong, trust is important. Just take it off the pedestal you've put it on. It's screwing with your mind.

Instead, live in the now. Honey, guys aren't girls. For you, everything is emotion and feelings and motivation... but not for us guys, for the most part.

For us, we are what we do. If I tell you I love you but treat you like crap, should you listen to my words or listen to my actions? ACTIONS, of course!

Alternately, if I tell you I hate you, have trouble communicating my feelings in a way you can find as sufficient, but I slay your dragons, stand by your side and never waver in my commitment at the same time... listen to my words(or lack thereof) or my actions! ACTIONS, of course!

If you can't stop the jealousy feelings, you darn well better own them, out loud, as YOUR problem to deal with, not his. Talk to him about it, but REFUSE to allow yourself to discuss it as if it is in any way his doing. Care about him enough to protect him.

You want your man to be able to see attractive/half-naked women and appreciate their beauty. You WANT that. You want a fully aware, sexually-discerning man in your life who can see a knock out beauty, possibly even get a little rev'd up by her, and bring that sexual energy home to you, the woman he is COMMITTED to.

Please, PLEASE realize this. You do not want a zombie male who pretends beautiful women don't exist. You DON'T want that. You want a mature man who can see sexually stimulating images and enjoy the result with YOU. Right? Right!?

Counseling is fine, can be helpful. But first and foremost, you OWN your jealousy and lay it at your own feet. And you judge your man by how he treats you, nothing more. Ever.

[I wish]

The fact that your fiancé is sticking by you, regardless of how you feel about yourself, means that he seems something good in you. You could start by finding out what he sees in you and focus on those positive aspects.

As for the negative aspects, you need some professional help to raise your confidence and self-esteem.

[william1971]

OK, so you've got some serious self esteem issues and you need help. You should think about getting some professional help. If these issues your having have been ongoing then chances are they've been imbedded in you for years and need someone who can give you direction and guidance to slowly dissolve these issues.

Next, try doing things to make yourself feel better. Exercise if you feel fat, start eating right, seek self help books to boost yourself esteem. These are all things you WILL need to do in order to get yourself headed towards a happier relationship and a more fulfilling life. Goodluck!

[talaniman]

I really think you could benefit from talking to someone on a regular basis, who can guide you through the process of getting yourself esteem back.

[Gemini54]

he constantly tells me I am pretty but I can't change the way I feel.

Of course you can change the way you feel. You just need to want to. Is the way you worry and emote serving you well? Of course it's not. Part of you is addicted to feeling ugly and useless and the drama that this feeling creates for you and for the people around you.

If you continue to behave this way, and to create drama because of your insecurities you will end up driving away the people that you love.

There will always be other women - on TV, in magazines on the street. Are you constantly going to compare yourself to them and drive yourself and your man crazy with your worries? Will your worrying actually change anything? No it won't!

So, make the decision to get some help and work through your past issues and your present insecurities. Take action to make positive changes and it will go away - you just have to make the choice to do it.