[upset17]

Hi, please help.

I have been seeing my current boyfriend for about three months, it's been very intesnse, especially as we work together and he left his girlfriend of 10years to be with me. I had only recently been dumped my my boyfriend of two and a half years and was in a very fragile state when we got together (I should add that he didn't cheat on his girlfriend with me). At first things were great, he was clearly smitten and despite things being difficult it was always clear how he felt about me.

On Tuesday I found out that my ex had a new girlfriend and she was obviously the reason he split up with me those months ago. I've been extremely upset and hurt ever since, and have been feeling paranoid about my new boyfriend ever since. I'm feeling so insecure and humiliated and I'm taking it out on him - I''m moody, quiet, and unsurprisingly I think he's starting to back off. The texts and emails are less frequent, he seems a bit more distant somehow.

I don't want to lose him - how do I get the spark back and make him feel besotted again? How can I avoid being this insecure wreck and be attractive again? I just want to get back to where we were... or should I just finish it now before he does? I can't cope with another heartbreak.

Thanks, x

[mafiaangel180]

Hmmm... this is difficult. This is the reason why I think people should wait months (or longer) after a breakup to get with someone new. At any rate, since you ARE with someone... I would suggest giving yourself tons TONS of "me" time. Don't always be available. Go do hobbies. Stay home and tell him you are busy, even if you aren't. Just do things for you. Go out with friends. Just don't always be available. This way, you can think clear, work on yourself, work on other aspects and relationships in your life, AND give the relationship some mystery. Where there's mystery, there's spark. Good luck.

[ISneezeFunny]

Well, I'm not so sure if she should take time off from her new boyfriend to that degree. Yes, take some time off but perhaps have a talk with your current boyfriend? I'm not sure how long you guys waited before jumping into a relationship, but it seems that you guys are each others' rebounds (you can correct me if I'm wrong). Granted, not all rebounds are bad. Some rebounds work out really well.

I'm suggesting that you talk with your current boyfriend about the situation.

[talaniman]

You could use some time to get over your ex, and honestly, you used the new guy to smooth over your ruffled feelings. Its understandable, as we all like to feel good by being wanted, but we also require time, to let the emotional dust settle, and to heal our hurts. Forget about relationships for now, as you are not ready, and deal with your own issues, and learn to be happy by yourself. If you need guidance through this process, then a good counselor is highly recommended.

[upset17]

I know what you mean, there is a definite rebound issue here, although I did like him before and have known him for 3 years. I am having counselling which helps. She advised me about looking for what I want in a relationship rather than always trying to please the other person at any cost, which makes me wonder whether I should leave this relationship and look for someone who perhaps texts me more etc. if that doesn't sound too lame. He's still lovely with me and really attentive, I just feel so raw and over sensitive and the more I seem to talk to him about how scared or worried I am the more he seems to back off, maybe? How do I approach the subject without seeming too desperate? All I want is that magic back. I wish I was a stronger person.

[talaniman]

Seems you keep looking for others to make you happy. How about staying out of a relationship for a while, and learn to make yourself happy. Work on just you for a change. Its really telling when your solution is to jump to someone else, and ignore what the problem really is. YOU. Work on being YOU. That's what will make you a stronger person, standing on your own, by yourself. Then you won't have to jump from man to man, trying to find someone to give you something you should have already.

[vicki24]

I was never married sorry my realationship way different than yours