[Andy00]

Hi there. My name is Andy, and I desperately need some help.

In December 2004 I met a girl over the internet. She lived 240 miles away from me. After chatting together for months, we fell in love.

On the 10th of July 2005, we met in her home town. I remember getting off the train, and she was stood right down the other end of the platform, and ran towards me at full speed. At first sight of her with my own eye, I felt a large thump right in the center of my chest. I threw my bags down, and she dove into my arms for the first time. Later that day, after 3 hours of being crowded by her sister and mum, we got our first minutes alone, and kissed for the first time. In my case, it was my first kiss ever. It was magic.

We met up on 13 different occaisions, including a couple of camping trips alone together. Then just before Easter 2007, she came along on a family holiday to Cuba which I hoped would be one of many happy times I could give to her. But I was unaware that everything was about to change.

On the 25th of June 2007, just over 2 weeks before the anniversary of the day that we met on that wonderful Summers day at the train station, 5 weeks before we were scheduled to meet up again; She rang me up in floods of tears and told me that she thought we should end things. I was completely devastated, and in some ways, that devastation remains. She told me her decision came because she didn't think we would have as much time to meet up when she went to University, and that things were hard enough as they were. Also, we had argued over stupid things a little more regularly, but I didn't think it was any thing worse than what all couples encounter. To be completely fair, after going to university myself a year later, she was absolutely right about the lack of time we'd have. We never would have lasted. Unfortunately, I hadn't fallen out of love with her, but she now expected me to do so and become just a friend. By breaking up with me, as of that day, I had pretty much lost my best friend in all the world, and it wouldn't take long before it was clear that I couldn't handle the transition from boyfriend - friend.

Instead of talking every night of the week, we went back and forth from talking to not talking. Anytime I spoke to her, after a few days I would start to miss her, and cry over her. Her father died of liver problems less than 6 months after we broke up. After he passed, me and her spoke for a couple of nights, and I told her that I would try and support her like a friend should during that time of sadness, but it didn't take long for me to start avoiding her again. I felt really guilty for that. She wanted to be my friend, and I wanted to be more than her friend. I was crushed by what she had put me through. It always stuck with me when we spoke for the last time. It was about 2 months after her dad died. She told me "I feel like I've lost so much already, I don't want to lose you as a friend." And as much as it kills me, she did. We haven't spoken since.

It's been well over a year since the last time we spoke. It's been over two years since the last time we were in each other's company. Two years was how long we had together! Those days with her seemed to last forever, but in a good way. It's been a very long two years without her in my life. I've dated since, but nobody has compared to her, and that can be seen in the length of time those other relationships. The longest relationship I've had with a woman since my first lasted only 3 months. I'm terrified that I will never have a long term relationship again. I think I'm a good guy, but since her, I haven't been able to make a relationship work.

I desperately want to meet somebody new. I have no desire to get back with my first love, but I just want my feelings to go away. I can't even look at a picture of her without lying in bed pining for her. After all this time, surely I should be stronger than that?

I've asked hundreds of questions on other websites regarding this subject, and I'm really starting to think I need therapy or something. Please, please tell me how to stop dwelling on losing my love? What can I do to help myself?

[I wish]

I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time to get over her. You'll just have to continue to date other girls. Keep yourself busy. Hang out with friends. Do whatever you can to distract yourself.

I'm not sure what's making you remind yourself of her, but looking at her picture is definitely not going to help. You've done a great job no contacting her and not responding to her communications, but it sounds like you need to take more extreme mesures. First of all, you should get rid of everything "from her" or "of her", including her pictures. Every time you look at her picture, it will prolong the pain and suffering.

You need to stop thinking about the past and think about the future. There are bigger and better things ahead of you and you shouldn't allow yourself to be tied down emotionally. Cause if you do, good things will pass you by without you noticing it.

[liz28]

I am pretty sure that you going hear the same advice given to you on the other thousands of website you posted your situation on.

Maybe it might be time for you to seek professional help in order for you to get over her.

Best of luck with your recovery.

[talaniman]

Its not her you need to forget, its your fear of being happy again that has you looking in all the wrong places as you try to replace her, instead of enjoying yourself.

Because your dating hasn't led to what you want, maybe your expectations are what's unrealistic and cannot succeed in giving you what you want.

Dude, its okay to just have fun, and be happy with yourself, as a single guy.

Geez, your looking for the "one" to have forever, and not appreciating the options, and opportunities, that you have had since the break up. Does that sound like fun? Do you think that's attractive?

But you must be doing something right, as just getting a date takes a lot. See that as a positive and start enjoying yourself, and not just with the ladies, but OTHER areas of your life.

Its called BALANCE. So adjust your own sourpuss attitude.

[20shasha]

Hang out with your friends every weekend find another girl friend t don't matter if she's cute or not if she's nice and you can trust her hope I help you

[Catsmine]

Andy,

I'm 52, happily married for half of that to the greatest woman on this planet, and I still remember my first love. I fell in love with her on the second day of kindergarten. I even remember the dress she was wearing. We split up in fifth grade and say Hi about every thirty years. Okay, twenty.

Move on, man. She was your first, she will always be your first. Odds are about 1.333 billion to one against her being your only.

[lilpoti]

so, I totally understand you. Really I do. I was with my ex for 2 years, and on June 15th 2010 it will be 2 years since we broke up. We broke up on our anniversary too, how sad is that? I was heart broken. I've NEVER felt so empty in my entire life. Haha, I know it to the date, how pathetic is that?

anyway, he dumped me because we had been leaning on each other too much and had forgotten what our niche's were in our lives, hence, put our futures on hold. We were spending too much time with each other. Anyway, if we would have dealt with it well, I probably would have been able to get him back, but I went literally insane and he became a bastard toward me. I went insane because he was the first boyfriend id ever had, first true best friend id ever had, I was purely addicted to him. So for a year, I drove him insane. I didn't stalk him, but whenever he would attempt at contacting me, I would somehow screw it up by expecting too much but he def offered too little
.
so I left the country. I went to greece, london, india, turkey, costa rica, mexico, I met so many successful beautiful men, but I was stuck on my ex. I couldn't forget how well we worked together, we had so much in common, and we were different in just the right ways. We challenged each other, we looked so damn sexy together, but he was right to break up with me.
after about a year and a few months we slept together, but at that point he became very emotional and said we couldn't be together because we were leaving to teach english overseas so we didn't have enough time and didn't want to be in a long distance relationship for 2 years. (kind of like your situation)

now, he is off overseas teaching english and I'm in nursing school.we've both just started these adventures. Anyway, for the past 2 years that we've been broken up, I haven't been able to meet a single guy that compliments me, or appeals to me physically, emotionally, mentally, as much as he did
BUT AND THIS WAS A BIG REALIZATION ON MY PART:
I think it's because I'm not ready to meet anyone. I realized that I'm not one of those people that is a chronic dater. I started dating my ex when I was 21, I hadn't had a single boyfriend till then. Because when I date , I give all of my love and passion to the person. And right now in life, my passion is my work.

I still think about my lost love everyday. I try not to, but I can't help it. I gave him my entire being. To be honest, I don't care if I ever meet anyone ever again at this point. I think the memories help me stay single so that I do concentrate on my career. And I don't know, maybe just maybe, in 2 years when he comes back, and is hopefully more cultured (my biggest problem with him was that I felt he was too american for me, me being a first generation american) and we've been apart for 4 years, I'll be 27 he'll be 29, maybe then we'll both be ready for each other. Or. Maybe (probably) not. Hehe. I don't know, again at this point I don't care. I'm glad I loved as passionately and as intensely as I did at least once in my life. And the memories, the sexy random makeout sessions, along with my rockin friends and family will keep me busy and satisfied with life :p

and to you, my dear, I say, be optimistic. You'll probably talk to her again someday. Grow as a person, so that when you do you have something to offer. A strong personality, independence, an opinion, entertainment. Then, maybe when you do speak to her and see her again, what she has to offer will be so perfect and you'll be perfect together and travel the world and be merry. Or, she might not be up to par then. And then, you'll get your closure (because you obviously haven't yet, and neither have I), and realize that person you knew and loved is gone forever, you will cry, and finally move on.

good luck my love, I wish you the best
:)