We broke up 2 years ago, but my feelings for her are strong. How can I forget her?
Hi there. My name is Andy, and I desperately need some help.
In December 2004 I met a girl over the internet. She lived 240 miles away from me. After chatting together for months, we fell in love.
On the 10th of July 2005, we met in her home town. I remember getting off the train, and she was stood right down the other end of the platform, and ran towards me at full speed. At first sight of her with my own eye, I felt a large thump right in the center of my chest. I threw my bags down, and she dove into my arms for the first time. Later that day, after 3 hours of being crowded by her sister and mum, we got our first minutes alone, and kissed for the first time. In my case, it was my first kiss ever. It was magic.
We met up on 13 different occaisions, including a couple of camping trips alone together. Then just before Easter 2007, she came along on a family holiday to Cuba which I hoped would be one of many happy times I could give to her. But I was unaware that everything was about to change.
On the 25th of June 2007, just over 2 weeks before the anniversary of the day that we met on that wonderful Summers day at the train station, 5 weeks before we were scheduled to meet up again; She rang me up in floods of tears and told me that she thought we should end things. I was completely devastated, and in some ways, that devastation remains. She told me her decision came because she didn't think we would have as much time to meet up when she went to University, and that things were hard enough as they were. Also, we had argued over stupid things a little more regularly, but I didn't think it was any thing worse than what all couples encounter. To be completely fair, after going to university myself a year later, she was absolutely right about the lack of time we'd have. We never would have lasted. Unfortunately, I hadn't fallen out of love with her, but she now expected me to do so and become just a friend. By breaking up with me, as of that day, I had pretty much lost my best friend in all the world, and it wouldn't take long before it was clear that I couldn't handle the transition from boyfriend - friend.
Instead of talking every night of the week, we went back and forth from talking to not talking. Anytime I spoke to her, after a few days I would start to miss her, and cry over her. Her father died of liver problems less than 6 months after we broke up. After he passed, me and her spoke for a couple of nights, and I told her that I would try and support her like a friend should during that time of sadness, but it didn't take long for me to start avoiding her again. I felt really guilty for that. She wanted to be my friend, and I wanted to be more than her friend. I was crushed by what she had put me through. It always stuck with me when we spoke for the last time. It was about 2 months after her dad died. She told me "I feel like I've lost so much already, I don't want to lose you as a friend." And as much as it kills me, she did. We haven't spoken since.
It's been well over a year since the last time we spoke. It's been over two years since the last time we were in each other's company. Two years was how long we had together! Those days with her seemed to last forever, but in a good way. It's been a very long two years without her in my life. I've dated since, but nobody has compared to her, and that can be seen in the length of time those other relationships. The longest relationship I've had with a woman since my first lasted only 3 months. I'm terrified that I will never have a long term relationship again. I think I'm a good guy, but since her, I haven't been able to make a relationship work.
I desperately want to meet somebody new. I have no desire to get back with my first love, but I just want my feelings to go away. I can't even look at a picture of her without lying in bed pining for her. After all this time, surely I should be stronger than that?
I've asked hundreds of questions on other websites regarding this subject, and I'm really starting to think I need therapy or something. Please, please tell me how to stop dwelling on losing my love? What can I do to help myself?