[talaniman]

You have our prayers and hope you find the real happiness you seek. Thanks for that story as loving yourself is so very important.

[beanandzeus]

I am also experiencing this in my current relationship. I am sorting out the options as you are.

The truth is there are multiple possible explanations for your situation. This means that some further exploration is needed, probably through a marriage counselor that specializes in sexual problems. You may need to try a few before you find the one that is the best fit for you.

It could be a physical problem:
If he CAN get an erection and achieve orgasm through self-stimulation then it probably isn't completely physical, although some men (such as my partner) desensitize easily requiring stimulation of their testicles as well as their penis.

Assuming that it is not a physical problem, I can offer a number of possible reasons:

Some men are attracted only to other men.
Some men have a narrow conception of what an attractive female is, and no matter how much he loves you you may not fit what he considers attractive.
Perhaps you are not 'chemically' compatible -- see research about pheremones.
Perhaps it is sexual anxiety, but this seems the least likely to me.

You should not let other people make you feel bad about wanting a fulfilling sex life. While it isn't the MOST important part of a marriage, it is an important way for partners to bond and feel close to each other. Is he willing to please you sexually in other ways -- e.g. through manual and/or oral stimulation? If shows interest in meeting your needs then I could see being hopeful, if not then you must decide if you can life without that need for intimacy being filled. Most of all, don't be afraid to get to the bottom of this situation. You will both be better for it even if it means that you must end your marriage.

[Jamesthedude]

I hope this finds you well and that things are getting better between you and your husband. I feel for you and I feel for your husband! I have one advice for you, Please do not give up without a fight. I do think you should talk to your husband about the possibility that he might be GAY. I am not saying he is but by the sound of things it sounds like it. Now some people are born like but it is a path they do not want to take. If you know that this is a problem, it will actually solve the problem. He doesn't need to be gay he can be bi-sexual. Which means that you guys can spice things up in your sexual life by bringing someone in who can pleasure both of you. How about that! Maybe not do anything sexual with your husband but having someone he is sexually attracted to might mean he can sexually aroused to then be able to enjoy sex with you.

[chera72]

This blog was posted over a year ago... I've been looking for similar stories that relate closest to mine and I found one by FINALLYHAPPY who also answered the original question. I have no advice to give, because my story is identical to FinallyHappy; although instead of being an asian whose fiancé is used to dating beautiful caucasian blonds, I am caucasian and my fiancé has a fantasy for African-American women. A fantasy I feel I can never fulfill and our sex life is completely VOID. We try once a month but it's always unsuccessful. I believe he loves me with all his heart... I know he does. My friends wonder if he is gay, but he seems to be repelled by movies where that is suggested, etc. I actually dated yet another man 10 years ago whom everyone believe was gay and he also loved me with all his heart. I would LOVE TO HEAR FROM FINALLYHAPPY to see where she is now. But as with her, I hate my body, myself. I even tried coloring my hair from red to brown, get a tan, look exotic. But I have gained 20 lbs with the insecurity of his showing no interest yet not letting me to leave. I'm finally after 8 months doing something about it. My girlfriends say, Anyone would want to... but I've lost the ability to see myself at this point. SO, loving myself and falling in love with myself is what I'm going to do before doing anything hasty. I'm going to put myself first. Not pick up his socks and cook and clean, but let him pick up his own socks, cook and clean for himself while I'm trying to knock off these pounds in the gym and develop a new and improved self-image for myself that I lost worrying for so long What's wrong with me. Good luck. I also do know and recognize if we women start focusing on the man and stop focusing on ourselves, they do lose interest. We have taken away their "purpose for being a man." I'm guilty of that, too... I do everything and love taking care of him, but I think that could too be the culprit for the lack of being able to turn him on. I'm no longer the prey he's trying to catch, the one that everyone wanted but couldn't have and then he snagged me and I let him know he snagged me by my actions.