[cuddlebugmeme]

Well, where should I start? I am trying to keep it short. I really need help…

A little bit about my background is that I was born in Hong Kong, and then my family and I moved to another country since I was 12, but I have always wanted to live in Hong Kong. My dream has finally come true. I can finally move to Hong Kong by myself, found a job I love, and I can see my future growing in this city.

At that same time aside from dealing with new accommodations, new jobs, new places, new lifestyle, I was going through a bad break-up of a six-year relationship. At that time I believed that I didn’t want to be in a serious relationship anymore, and started to have one night stands and have 3 sex buddies. I am ashamed to say this now that what I was thinking at that time was that I want to get what I have been missing throughout those six years with my ex.

That was how I met my now boyfriend. We started as friends with benefits, but we realized we have a lot in common (other than sex), and soon we started to go on dates and after deep thinking, we become boyfriend and girlfriend and have been living together ever since.

We have been together for a year and still together. He is the guy of my dream, and I am the girl of his dreams, except for my past. The problems and huge arguments between us are killing me everyday. He cannot accept the fact that I met those guys only because I was depressed after a break-up. I truly regretted for not dealing with my stress and unhappiness properly at that time. I should have wait till I met someone who truly treats me well. Why can’t I think this way back in that time? The words he is using to criticize me right now are unbearable and extremely hurtful.

He always says to me that…

…I'm the one who did wrong; of course it is easy for me to tell him to move on and cherish what we have right now and who I am right now

…I'm cheaper than prostitutes, because at least they get paid but I don't, I'm letting myself to be a stand-by for those guys

…I'm the worst and cheapest girlfriend he has ever dated, but he loves me the most; all his unhappiest are because of me

…I should not have any temper no matter what he says about me or how mad he gets towards me. He said that if I get mad, he'll automatically think that I did not regret for my past at all, and that I am happy to have a past like that.

…he feels a bit better when I scold myself for being so slutty in the past. He'd like me to take the initiative to bring up my past issues, let him know that the past is still reminding myself of how wrongful I was, and then apologize to him.

…he is always a victim; I'm no victim at all, because I let myself to be in that situation in the past.

…he had thought about having the same number of partners in order for him to feel “fair” between us.

Another major issue I am facing is that he wants me to move away from Hong Kong because he is so worried that I might bump into any of the guys on the streets one day. He told me if that really happens; he really wants to find a hole to hide!

I want to stay here, but he said that this place is now an unhappy place for him. He loves me but I have such a past in here ruining this place. He suggested and planned that I should move back to the country where I grew up. He said he is willing to work very hard to find a job there, get married with me, and stay there with me forever.

I agree to move back there was all because of his idea, but when I told him that, he got very angry and asked, “Why only for me? I go there because of you! I was born in Hong Kong and grew up in here since then, why would I suddenly want to move to a country where I have not been before!”

I told him about how much I love where I am living right now, but he replies me by saying, “What if you bump into them one day on the streets? You are not worried? Well of course, you guys can do it again whenever you guys want to, just like before! You never regret what you did!” Then he starts to blame me of why I move away from my family and come here all alone to Hong Kong to meet those guys.

Whenever we are not all about the past issues, he is all sweet and caring towards me. But when he got mad and brings up the past issues, it is a disaster. I don't know how to make him understand I have changed and I am not the same person I am before and never will. I have cut off all the contacts, changed phone numbers, since I am with him. The only thing that seems to work for him is that I go back and change my past, which is of course impossible…

I am very stressful as to whether we should stay together and deal with problems that will never go away or just let go of someone so perfect and move on?

Sorry for the long reading. Hope to receive your comments. It'll help a lot to me~

[Romefalls19]

This is a common problem, if he cannot accept your past, then break him loose. This is his issue, not yours.

Everyone has a past, it put you two together. He sure didn't have a problem when he was getting his, but now that it's a relationship his views change.

And wait, what does it say about his values if he complains about what you did. He was one of them, so obviously he didn't have many morals either

[an0nymous]

We almost have the same situation, but I am the guy in mine, but what made me bothered about her past was when some things happened and I felt she didn't love me as much (which I admit was my fault) I think you should try to have a calm conversation and talk about this and be honest with each other, tell him what you did to prove to him what that you love him. I know it must be hard for the guy, but I hope this talk will give him reassurance he wants. If not, then I guess you should move on and break it off

[susangpyp]

Why do you think that someone who verbally and emotionally abuses you is "so perfect"? It sounds like a sado-masochistic relationship that he feels better when you denigrate yourself.

Let go of this bonehead and shore up your self-worth, self-esteem, and self-respect. We all make mistakes. He's one of yours but you can move past him. He's not perfect. He's sounds like a perfect jerk.

And friends with benefits doesn't exist. No such thing. There is no benefit to giving yourself away with no corresponding responsibility toward you. So don't do that again. PLEASE.

We teach people how to treat us and get what we put up with. This guy treats you badly and you treat yourself even worse.

Lose him. Find you. Be at peace.