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falchion3 · Jun 9, 2009, 09:52 AM

Recently I asked a coworker out and was given the answer that she had just gone through a messy breakup and was avoiding the dating scene for right now. Now before I get flamed for falling for a line, I had overheard her talking to a coworker a few weeks ago (I wasn't eavesdropping, I happened to walk in on it) and I know that she was telling the truth about recently breaking up. I don't know how long ago the breakup actually occurred.

After that, I basically sent her a message telling her that I wasn't going to keep bugging her about it (didn't want her to think I was a crazed stalker type) and to let me know if she changes her mind and also that we could take it as slow as she wanted, no pressure. I told her that I understood how hard it was to get back into it after a bad breakup. She replied that she would and thanked me for understanding.

Since then, she has talked to me a lot more at work and she's always smiling when we interact. I in turn have turned up the charm and we seem to have more of a connection now than we did when I first asked her out. I just don't know what to do. Should I just give her time and just be my sweet, caring, understanding self in the meantime ? How much time does someone usually need ? I really really like this girl and I don't want to do anything to screw this up. How does one proceed with a person under these circumstances ?

I don't want to keep pestering her about it, I realize in this case that persistence would be my downfall, if she feels pressured then that would be the end of it. But, I also don't want to make the wrong move or wait too long and see her get snatched up by someone else. And what if she's afraid to let me know when she is ready, since women seem to like to work in subtle hints is there any way to tell ? What should I do ? Any honest advice would be greatly appreciated.

justcurious55 · Jun 9, 2009, 11:00 AM

You sound like you already know what to do but are hoping you are wrong. Yes, just keep being your caring, sweet, understanding self! Lol you just have to be patient. Some people bounce back from relationships fairly quickly, others take a while. It's sounding like she's into you but still not ready to actually date. Give her sometime and then maybe try inviting her to group outings. If you notice that she keeps choosing the seat next to you or making it a point to hang around you in the group settings, then maybe try asking for a date again. But give her plenty of time and let the friendship grow. Enjoy the friendship and any time you start to feel impatient just be glad that you're getting to know her better instead of being her rebound guy. :)

falchion3 · Jun 12, 2009, 11:17 AM

Thanks for the advice. I was really hoping to get more than one person's input, but I'll take any advice I can get. I really don't want to screw this up.

nikosmom · Jun 12, 2009, 11:39 AM

Don't pressure her too much because you'll come off as stalkerish. How much time has passed since you first asked her out?

The length of time it take to get over an ex varies from person to person. Plus it also depends on how long they were together.

As for her getting "snatched up by someone else"- well if that happens then that's her choice.

Have you thought inviting her to lunch or coffee? Then it's not quite the same pressure as a "date".

I wish · Jun 12, 2009, 12:01 PM

Just keep doing what you are doing. Just keep getting to know her. Don't worry about her getting snatched by another guy. That's out of your control. Just worry about the way you treat her. She knows that you are into her, so she will give you more subtle hints when she's ready.

However, I should point out that it's never a good idea to date a co-worker. So proceed with caution. Be prepared to get transferred to another part of your company or change jobs to avoid possible conflict of interests.

talaniman · Jun 12, 2009, 07:31 PM

Be friendly co workers and if she is interested when she is ready she will let you know. Doesn't matter if you wait to long as its up to her whom she dates and when. For now she has said she isn't ready so don't push it, that could be messy since your co workers.

I would be waiting for her either as that's as bad as stalking. Look around for other options and opportunities, and not hold your breath for any female that's not ready to date you. You'll find others that will.

falchion3 · Jul 19, 2009, 01:11 PM

Threads merged for the whole story folks.

When a girl tells you that they are staying out of dating for awhile due to being recently hurt, is there anything that you can do to change their mind ?

artlady · Jul 19, 2009, 01:12 PM

Tell her to let you know when she is dating again because you are interested in dating.
She may also have said this because she is just not interested but does not want to offend you.

HelpinHere · Jul 19, 2009, 04:25 PM

Here's something you can do. Be available, and wait until SHE is ready. If you have to convince her she wants to date you, then she would never be happy with you.

MissRissa · Jul 20, 2009, 01:48 PM

No, there isn't a lot you can do. You can be there for her, but you can't change her mind. You can only wait until she feels like dating all on her own.

N0help4u · Jul 20, 2009, 03:22 PM

Be there for her
Be her friend
Be a good listener

slapshot_oi · Jul 21, 2009, 09:42 AM

Originally Posted by falchion3

When a girl tells you that they are staying out of dating for awhile due to being recently hurt, is there anything that you can do to change their mind ?

Don't let her pull the wool over your eyes, this usually means she just doesn't want to date you. I and many other on here have heard that line quite a few times in our day, and then a month later she has another boyfriend.

Actually, the last girl who said this to me (about nine months ago) is now engaged to her boyfriend she dated about four months after our break-up. That is quite the step for someone who, apparently, wasn't "ready" for a serious relationship.

So no, there isn't much you can do. Keep your pride by forgetting about her and moving on.

I wish · Jul 21, 2009, 11:07 AM

If she said something like that, chances are she's not interested, but it also leaves the door open.

She already knows how you feel, so if she wanted something to happen, she will let you know.

If she comes to you then great, but no sense waiting around for her. You can't force someone to feel a certain way, it's got to be natural.

Torrid13 · Jul 21, 2009, 11:12 AM

I'm going to have to agree that she probably isn't interested.

Don't try to change her mind. She'll think you're a Creepy McCreeperson.

But this is actually good! Why? Because now you don't have to worry about knowing if she's interested or not, and that means you can move on and find a chick that digs you!

Yay!

crisluvsu731 · Jul 21, 2009, 11:20 AM

If you really like this girl, then just wait it out. I have been hurt and I know how that is.

You can't always expect the worse and think she is blowing you off, but don't be naïve either. You will know in time from her signals if she likes you or not.

Go with your heart, best wishes and good luck! ; )

DrJ · Jul 21, 2009, 11:22 AM

I kind of have to disagree. Yes, I'd say her "mind can be changed".

I have to put that in quotes because that's not really what you need to do.. because the reality most likely isn't that she isn't into dating. It's just that she isn't into dating you... OR, she is, you are just going to have to do a little harder than whatever you did.

Of course she wants someone that isn't going to hurt her but why waste her time on you? Well, there could be a very good reason why.. but you are going to have to show her... somehow.

Granted, that's easier said than done... but doable just the same.

Torrid13 · Jul 21, 2009, 12:02 PM

Originally Posted by DrJizzle

I kind of have to disagree. Yes, I'd say her "mind can be changed".

I have to put that in quotes because that's not really what you need to do.. because the reality most likely isn't that she isn't into dating. It's just that she isn't into dating you... OR, she is, you are just going to have to do a little harder than whatever you did.

Of course she wants someone that isn't going to hurt her but why waste her time on you? Well, there could be a very good reason why.. but you are going to have to show her... somehow.

Granted, that's easier said than done... but doable just the same.

Doable, yes, but I'm still sticking with the "Creepy McCreeperson" idea.

DrJ · Jul 21, 2009, 12:22 PM

Originally Posted by Torrid13

Doable, yes, but I'm still sticking with the "Creepy McCreeperson" idea.

Oh there is DEFINITE potential for that... and unfortunately, that happens all too often. But I guess that's a good thing since we can't just have any creep off the street swooping up damsels in distress.