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Lindee · Jun 20, 2008, 06:56 AM

My daughter is in a messy divorce. Her attorney told her whom ever stays in the family home will have custody of the children. Is this true? Her husband is still living in the family home with her and her children. He refuses to leave. He said, If he leave then he is deserting the home. And will loss his rights in the divorce. He had a few DUI and anger issues. The judge referred him to go get help in AA and Anger management classes.He don't believe he has a problem. He never did follow the judge's advice. My daughter is on medication for anxiety from there marriage problems. He will owe her back support and spousal supper since they filled in October. He has a full time job and a 401k Her lawyer advice her to not to take the money he owes her so she can make an agreement to keep the house. She is an license Hairstylist. She only works part time when the children are in school. She has to take off for the summer because he won't pay for summer camp. Her credit is not that good because he has not been paying for her bills. With her little pay she has to buy food for the children. She is trying to get a mortgage for $70.000. So she can buy him out of the home.She did find a broker that said, With her credit and no money down she gets refinance the house with only her name on it for about $1000 a month. How in the world can she pay for that, When the child support won't be until after he moves out. We don't Know if this lawyer is steering her in the right direction. So we would like a second option. My husband and I are helping her as much as we can. We also are paying the lawyer fee. We has paid so far $9000 and has seen very little results. She will go to the masters June 25,2008. She don't know what the results will be. I hope this lawyer knows what she is talking about.
A concern Mother

ScottGem · Jun 20, 2008, 07:04 AM

I've never heard of this business of whoever gets the home gets the kids. But unless the mother is unfit, she is more likely to get the kids. Nor does moving out (once the divorce is filed) mean giving up on a family asset.

N0help4u · Jun 20, 2008, 07:07 AM

I think what some people do when neither can afford to buy the other out is sell the house,
Split the money and move on. Might take awhile but doesn't sound like he is going anywhere anyway.
If he moves out she should still have time to buy him out.

froggy7 · Jun 20, 2008, 07:12 AM

Well, I think that the mother may be a bit confused. Whoever is the custodial parent of the kids tends to get the family home (if it's not being sold), so that the kids lives are disrupted as little as possible. However, if neither can afford the house on their own, then the best option may be to sell it, divide the gain or loss, and have both adults move into a place that they can afford.

Lindee · Jun 20, 2008, 07:16 AM

Not an unfit Mother. She lives for these two kids. She wants out of the house as soon as possible with her two kids. She only has a part time job. She is waiting for child support and the decision of the house. She wants her share and get out of there as fast as possible.

N0help4u · Jun 20, 2008, 07:24 AM

The only two reasons I can think of a Judge to say whoever stays in the house gets the kids is
1 He wants to see how they work things out
2 Usually the one that can prove they have a stable environment --home and financially security gets the kids
What doesn't make sense is why the Judge would rule that before the one that moves out
Gets a chance to prove they can provide a secure stable environment
I guess it does have to do with the Judge not wanting to uproot the kids, but kids being uprooted is common these days.

ScottGem · Jun 20, 2008, 07:34 AM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

The only two reasons I can think of a Judge to say whoever stays in the house gets the kids is

Read the OP more carefully. It wasn't a judge who said that it was the lawyer for the OP's dtr.

N0help4u · Jun 20, 2008, 07:42 AM

Yeah I forgot to reread when I reposted
Getting senile in my old age
Does sound like bad advice from a lawyer

Thanks

JudyKayTee · Jun 20, 2008, 09:25 AM

Originally Posted by Lindee

My daughter is in a messy divorce. Her attorney told her whom ever stays in the family home will have custody of the children. Is this true? Her husband is still living in the family home with her and her children. He refuses to leave. He said, If he leave then he is deserting the home. And will loss his rights in the divorce. He had a few DUI and anger issues. The judge referred him to go get help in AA and Anger management classes.He don't believe he has a problem. He never did follow the judge's advice. My daughter is on medication for anxiety from there marriage problems. He will owe her back support and spousal supper since they filled in October. He has a full time job and a 401k Her lawyer advice her to not to take the money he owes her so she can make an agreement to keep the house. She is an license Hairstylist. She only works part time when the children are in school. She has to take off for the summer because he won't pay for summer camp. Her credit is not that good because he has not been paying for her bills. With her little pay she has to buy food for the children. She is trying to get a mortgage for $70.000. So she can buy him out of the home.She did find a broker that said, With her credit and no money down she gets refinance the house with only her name on it for about $1000 a month. How in the world can she pay for that, When the child support won't be until after he moves out. We don't Know if this lawyer is steering her in the right direction. So we would like a second option. My husband and I are helping her as much as we can. We also are paying the lawyer fee. We has paid so far $9000 and has seen very little results. She will go to the masters June 25,2008. She don't know what the results will be. I hope this lawyer knows what she is talking about.
A concern Mother

Always something new being presented - I've never heard of the "keep the house/keep the children" rule of thumb. I have seen Judges reluctant to move children, particularly during a school year, and ordering temporary custody for that reason.

Whose name is on the house? It's very possibly a joint asset which could be ordered sold and the proceeds split. Then neither party has the house and your daughter has the funds to start a new life.

Is the Attorney trying to push a Separation Agreement instead of a divorce hearing?

Do you know why her husband isn't responsible for at least a portion of your daughter's legal bills? That would be the next Motion I would make in Court.

smokedetector · Jun 20, 2008, 09:52 AM

I don't know about Penn, but when my parents got divorced my dad kept the house and my mom got the kids, first joint custody, then sole when he bottomed out there for a few months, then back to joint. Whatever this lawyer is saying might be for better chances, as other people have said, less disruption of the kids lives, but it's definitely not the law and doesn't happen in all cases. She shouldn't go bankrupt trying to keep the house just so she can keep the kids. It doesn't work like that. That's just dumb to me. Good luck.

cdad · Jun 20, 2008, 12:57 PM

Im alitle confused. What state or country is this taking place in. In the U.S. many courts will not allow for a divorce unless there has been a period of separation. And since both parties are sharing a roof then they can't get a divorce decree until the separation period has been met. Another thing is I don't see someone getting an award for child support while living under the same roof either. She may be wasting her time thinking she's going to get a pile of money. Again it might lay in the fact that where you are laws are very different from my understanding of them. If your not happy with your lawyer then your allowed to fire them. Staying with a bad lawyer can mess up things for the rest of her life.

N0help4u · Jun 20, 2008, 01:30 PM

In Pa we have no fault mutual consent divorce
I am not sure what the separation time for that is.
If divorcing for abandonment they have to live away from the home for one year.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 20, 2008, 01:44 PM

I would say that I would get a second opinon from a second attorney, either she has misunderstood, or she is not explaining it well, or you misundertand what she is saying. But to be honest normally the mother unless unfit will always get at least joint custody, and almost always one person moves out, either can move out anytime they want and even take the kids with them, that is most normal, then they fight over everything, and he is offering to pay and she is refusing,? I would think that could be used against her in court, saying she was not willing to try and work things out.

Personal advice, a second lawyer to review and give advice.

JudyKayTee · Jun 20, 2008, 03:37 PM

Originally Posted by califdadof3

Im alitle confused. What state or country is this taking place in. In the U.S. many courts will not allow for a divorce unless there has been a period of seperation. And since both parties are sharing a roof then they can't get a divorce decree until the seperation period has been met. Another thing is I dont see someone geting an award for child support while living under the same roof either. She may be wasting her time thinking shes going to get a pile of money. Again it might lay in the fact that where you are laws are very different from my understanding of them. If your not happy with your lawyer then your allowed to fire them. Staying with a bad lawyer can mess up things for the rest of her life.

Hi CalifDad - not in NYS. My "ex" and I lived under the same roof during the entire divorce process. His Attorney and my Attorney advised us not to "abandon" the marriage and to look for other grounds.

Makes for some interesting dinners.