[islandude2]

Hello, my first post here. Me and my girlfriend have been going out for 4 1/2 years. We're both out of high school(im 22 she's 20) and I am now going to school 6 hours away for the next 6 months. Before I left she said she wants to break up for this 6 months because when we met she was pretty square and never had a single life(never even kissed another guy) and she says she wants to be able to have that experience of being single if we end up together in the long run then she can be sure we're meant to be. I actually agreed to this then I got here, missed her a lot, called her a week later saying I don't want this I just want you and can't bare the thought of you with another guy. She says no I still want this break up. It pisses me off because I feel like a fallback plan. It makes it tough because she texts, emails and calls quite a bit and it feels like we're still together and she says she 100% wants to be in 6 months but it just doesn't feel right to me. She also wants to visit and for me to visit within these 6 months a few times, but its what she called a "free pass" for me to hook up with other girls while I'm here(I just want her). Where do I go from here? Move with her plan and start meeting girls here or what? This is causing me a lot of emotional stress. Thanks in advance.

[I wish]

Even if you don't move on with the plan, she's going to do. So you can stay faithful for 6 months while she's hooking up with other guys... while you're the backup plan.

Or you can have your own life and have her as a backup plan too, which makes it fair.

I'm sorry to say, but her feelings for you have definitely changed... If she really thought you were the one, she would not have broken up with you.

[artlady]

She has a very valid point.
You have not experienced other relationships and you were both very young when this relationship started.
If it is meant to be ,it will.
Give her the space she wants so that she can make an informed decision based on experience and not simply settle for what she is comfortable and used to.
The same applies to you!

[Wondergirl]

That's what my longtime boyfriend and I did when he went off to college. Both of us were free to date others. Neither of us liked the idea, but we both did it and had fun while we were at it. Back then, when rocks were still cooling, there was only snail mail and a rare phone call between us. We had the same agreement when I went off to college. We stayed together through both college experiences, although we never married for other reasons.

[I wish]

That's what my longtime bf and I did when he went off to college. Both of us were free to date others. Neither of us liked the idea, but we both did it and had fun while we were at it. Back then, when rocks were still cooling, there was only snail mail and a rare phone call between us. We had the same agreement when I went off to college.

This is a very good point. If both of you agree, then it's fair. But right now you don't agree.

Just keep in mind that whether you agree or not, she's going to go ahead with the plan. You can't force her to do something that she doesn't want to do. So you mine as well accept the arrangement, or else make it a clean break so there are no more strings attached.

[talaniman]

Of course you can do what you want, and be loyal, and patient, but she sure won't be.

She will be having the time of her life, so I suggest, you do the same.

[none12345]

There is a reason why couples break up in the first place. Would it still work when they get back together? It might, but stats show they ll just end up breaking up again.

[islandude2]

Its a lot harder for me than it is for her to even get to the next step. She's hot so gets hit on by every guy at the bar and has a good connection of friends to go out with. I don't know anyone where I live now so I spend too much time overthinking this. I don't want to lose her so I know I shouldn't be so clingy but I'm scared of losing her for good by going through with this agreement.

[talaniman]

What makes you think you have a choice in all this? If you were not feeding you own fears though you would see what I see. Your dependent on her to be happy. Your solution, look at what your g/f has taught you, and learn from it.

She's hot so gets hit on by every guy at the bar and has a good connection of friends to go out with. i don't know anyone where i live now so I spend too much time over thinking this.

Plain language, get a life that you enjoy without her. What you have now is not love, but dependence, (like a dope fiend), and that's not healthy, or attractive.

[none12345]

its alot harder for me than it is for her to even get to the next step. shes hot so gets hit on by every guy at the bar and has a good connection of friends to go out with. i don't know anyone where i live now so i spend too much time overthinking this. i don't want to lose her so i know i shouldn't be so clingy but im scared of losing her for good by going through with this agreement.

Its never about the looks. Sure it is a plus but the inside, personality the heart is what really matter. You can have a beautiful outside and an ugly inside. Dude trust me I know for girl, the inside is what matters.

Friends? I don't have much friends either. But you will make some over time. Do you have a few close friends? Hang out with them more you ll get introduced to new people. You are addicted to her. Of course you don't want to lose her but you needa, she isn't your's anymore. I think you're just scared of being lonely. Don't be. Be happy single and you ll attract the right person.

[islandude2]

I guess when we made this agreement I didn't realize how much she would jump on the opportunity of being single. Its about looks when your girl is getting hit on by everyone including your "friends" while your not around. She called me yesterday(and has been calling alot) saying how she's all busy evenings this week and is hanging out with a couple different guys. I was thinking why the hell is she telling me this stuff. At the same time she's saying how she still has feeling for me and can't wait to see me. I hate this it hurts so much more than if we just FINSIHED it but I love her too much to make no contact happen. I appreciate the comments it is helping me out.

[none12345]

Dude you are probably new at this relationship but there are mature, nice young ladies out there that don't care if your extremely good looking or not. Isn't that true ladies?

When it hurts, get rid of the hurt. It is your decision to make no contact or not but I can tell you if you keep contacting her you will get hurt more and it will never stop, speaking from experience but if you want to learn that the hard way go ahead. Sometimes people won't realize it until they've been through it themselves.

I know I can't be with a girl that treats me horribly. If you don't want to put no contact in place, sit down with her and have a serious talk about your feelings face to face and se where it goes from there. Keep mind if you love her, you will also be willing to let her go for her to be happy even if that means its not with you.

[islandude2]

I finally listened to you guys and sent out a email to the girl. What do you guys think?



So I've been thinking logically lately about our situation and I think we're in 2 different mindsets about what we want and how things might go. From what I hear you have been very happy lately and very social(which is good!). Maybe I held you back from being social and meeting new people, I hope not, but I don't know. I'm happy for you about this but I feel that your feelings about me have definitely changed. I've been talking to friends from **** just to chat but you got brought up and they also think that you have changed. When we made this agreement before I left **** I thought sure you would go out and have fun and flirt it up and make out with the odd guy and that's totally cool but I guess I didn't realize the extent in which you would take advantage of your single life. I know you haven't even kissed anyone yet but I can tell that you have changed. I feel 100% like your fallback plan in your life and I love you too much to be a fallback plan, and I just don't feel that you love me the same. We had plans to see each other basically once a month till I'm back but I can't be close with you on the weekend and know that you're on dates on the weekday. Even once a month is enough to keep a good relationship strong. I know you will hate that I bring all this up again, but these are all things that need to be said. I either want to be finished, as in completely broken up no strings(and heartache) attached. This would mean no trips for you here and I'm not going to see you when I come to ****, and there's also a good chance that you won't be lucky enough to ever get me back. The other option is to be together as a long distance relationship. I would come down there every couple weekends and would love you with all of my heart. I know this is unfair that I put you in this situation, almost like trapping you in a corner, but trapped in a corner is exactly how I've felt lately. I just can't keep going like this it feels like a stab in the heart, like you're cheating on me when you go on other dates even though we're "broken up". I don't know about you but these past 4 1/2 years have been the best years of my life. Just follow your heart on this decision is what I ask, because being in a relationship that you don't want to deep down to be in is much worse than breaking up. I've been trying so hard to act fine about everything and meet girls to follow the plan(feels so wrong to do anything but friendly conversation) but I just can't do it any more. I've never told you this before but I do want to get married and have kids in the future, just thought I'd say it because it may be my only chance. Email was my choice on bringing about this because it gave me time to clearly think this through and let you know EXACTLY how I feel. If we are done for good then I hope that some day we could be friends, but that wouldn't be any time soon. Take your time in sending a reply and figuring out what you want. I love you

[islandude2]

All she did was text back "you're an "
I guess its over.

[islandude2]

"you're an ***hole" it was supposed to say in previous post

[I wish]

That emailed seemed completely unnecessary. Talk about burning your bridges.

I hope you are ready to face the consequence that she may never return to you. I hope that you are prepared to move on with your life.

[islandude2]

Yeah now I also think I wrecked everything. I talked to one of her good friends yesterday about what's up with her and I guess I just fell apart after hearing it. This sucks.

[I wish]

If anything, it will help you move on...

[islandude2]

Damnit. I wish I just sent that to my drafts folder and waited a week to think about it, I'm so impulsive sometimes. I wish I could take that email back. :(

[islandude2]

There's no way of coming back from this now is there