[angelcelestial]

I suffer from a jealous husband. He accuses me of cheating on him with no reason whatsoever. We currently live in an apartment complex and accuses me of cheating on him with our next door neighbor with no reason at all. I don't understand why he accuses me of such thing? I am a serious, reserved type of person. I would understand if I was loud, outgoing and a partier but I am not. When I was younger I was sexually mollested by my aunt's husband. It happened between the ages of 6-8 years. When I told my family at the age of 10, they decided not to go to the police department because he fled to Mexico and my family members said he would never return. For a long time I hated him, but the recent past years I decided to forgive him and move on with my life. My husband accuses me of liking what he did to me because I would talk to him as if nothing happened. But the real reason I would do that is because I decided to forgive him for the sake of my aunt who is suffering of diabetes. She is on dyalysis and I don't want to make her angry because it will affect her. She was like a second Mom to me growing up. Anyway, he accuses me of such things and I wonder why sometimes. Sometimes I think it has to do with his insecurity and low self-esteem. Everyone tells me he is traumatized because his older brother drowned and died right before him when he was 10 years old. His brother was 12. Everyone tells me it is because of this and that he is traumatized and needs help. He is so jealous that he doesn't even like me having a myspace.com. He says it is stupid and doesn't like me sending messages or accepting messages from other people. I would never cheat on him. My question is does he have reason to think such things? :confused:

[artlady]

As you said,his past trauma of losing his brother could cause him to have abandonment issues.

You also stated his lack of self esteem.That would cause him to react this way.

He needs to understand that his accusations could push you away.

In essence ,he would be getting the very result he is trying to avoid.Not cheating but distancing yourself from him.

Aside from giving him loads of verbal and emotional declarations of your love and fidelity,there isn't much you can do.

He owns the problem and only he can fix it.
Perhaps counseling is an option he should consider.

[N0help4u]

Tell him how unattractive and how unromantic his unrealistic accusations are. That you want to feel closer to him but he is putting a wall up with his delusional thinking.

[Gemini54]

There was a similar post to this one recently, with a jealous husband scenario and I thought that I'd essentially repeat what I said in that post...

This is a difficult situation because it's not about you - it's about him - and you're trying to deal with his fears and insecurities. Unfortunately, it doesn't matter what you do or say because it will always be viewed through his conviction that people cheat in relationships. You'll end up turning yourself inside out to no avail.

You need to put your foot down. If the marriage is important to him, then he needs to go to counselling. His behavior is making you both unhappy.

It's really convenient for him to keep hassling you about what he perceives you have done wrong, because then he doesn't have to change himself.

It's time to turn the heat back on him.

Ask him what he's prepared to do to support and save the relationship.
Ask him if he's prepared to deal with the tragic events of the past.
Ask him if he's prepared to seek the assistance of a therapist so that he can understand and control his behavior.

This is the big test for him - is he prepared to stop behaving like a petulant child, grow up and change his own behavior?

[I wish]

Problems like these won't magically go away.

You must continue to talk to him and work it out between the two of you. But his problems sound very serious and I'm not sure talking to him will help much more. I'm sure you've tried your best.

We already know what he has to do, but the problem is he might not be able to do it himself. You two need some professional help.

He needs therapy or counselling.

After that, you two need some marriage counselling.