[kctiger]

Well, I wasn't sure if I wanted to post my problem on this forum for public view as people have bigger issues, but I am hoping any advice I get will also help others out. As most of you probably know, I am fairly over the whole break up ordeal, however there was a HUGE setback to my progress on Friday night.

Long story short, one of my BEST friends now dates my ex's room mate. This friend and I were out on Friday night having a good time. Lots of adult beverages were being consumed. At any rate, later that night we start talking about my ex and how much she has changed... and not for the better. I don't really care anyway, but I was pretty drunk, so I didn't have a problem talking about it. He then tells me that his girlfriend wants to move out because my ex is just not the same person, and they aren't really getting a long. This is where it gets interesting. Among the many things that have changed about her, he mentions her loud moaning being fake while having sex (his gf's room is right next to my ex's). It was at this point, I just left the place we were at and immediately drove home... very angry and just floored by that comment.

He apologize for even mentioning a topic like that, and I know he wouldn't ordinarily do that to me, EVER. It hit me pretty hard on Saturday, and even still bothers me a bit today. Had this happened a few months ago, I would have been devastated. At any rate, hearing about the ex and her sexual activity set me back a bit, not too much, but it did sting. Just needed a vent more than anything. Before anyone says it, NO I am not getting rid of my friend. I guess I just have to continue to get this stuff out of my mind and distance myself from him for awhile. Thanks for reading the long, drawn out story of my weekend... :cool:

[Romefalls19]

Kc, it's normal to feel this way. I would have felt the same way, I had a mutual friend put on her away message " My ex's name, is getting laid tonight, wahoo!" so I know the pain you're feeling.

I won't suggest getting rid of your friend because it was a slip up and he acknowledged it(more than most people do), since you already talked to him about it, I'd say regroup and continue on the path you're on. Go read your first posts, see how far(even with this) you have come

[I wish]

KC, I know you already know all the answers to this type of situation. So like you said, for the benefit of others, here are some helpful tips.

We have to realize that these types of situations are sometimes inevitable, i.e. we are making fine progress, but something major or minor hits us and reminds us of our ex and we feel some sort of setback. In this situation, we cannot control what others say, especially when alcohol is involved. The road to recovery is not always going to be a smooth ride, there's always going to be some bumps on the road. What matters the most is how we handle these bumps. You handled it very well. You drove over the bump and kept going, instead of stoping on your tracks. Some people may be tempted to contact their ex to vent at them, but instead, you choose to vent with us. Keep moving forward.

[kctiger]

Both of you fine gentlemen are right. Contacting my ex would have been out of the question, but that is a fine point. A few months ago, I probably would have done so, in tears, and gotten blasted by her... that isn't the case anymore. It is just something you DON'T want to hear about, no matter how long it has been, you know? At any rate, I hope some of the other people who are just now going through a difficult break up read this, as even some of us veteran guys hit a bump every now and then.

[talaniman]

I though you handled yourself well, and no harm done. When it gets uncomfortable your supposed to remove yourself from the situation. That's what you did.

[jmw0713]

I would have done the same thing. You handled yourself well. I think your buddy realizes what he said hurt, and will not make that mistake again.

This is the risk you run when the topic of the ex comes up.

That's why when I hang out with my friends, I always try to change the subject to something else fairly quickly. Not that I can't talk about her with them (I do from time to time), but I just don't want them to bring up something that may sting, like in your case. They have also been pretty good about not bringing her up anyway.

Although, since she came back, none of them have called me to hang out... oh well:rolleyes:

[kctiger]

The past couple days after he has told me I find myself going on ups and downs of emotions. It is hard to get the picture of this out of my head at times... I am just trying to put it out of my head. Obviously I know the reality of the situation, I just NEVER need to hear about it. He did feel extremely bad though. I did sleep with his ex, so I guess we are even (poor attempt at humor).

[jmw0713]

Yep... the feelings will stick for a few days, maybe a week, but they will not be as bad as before.

At least you didn't break NC, like I did a few weeks ago. I'm still trying to stop "missing her" after all this time.

I have both up days and down days. Recently I've been having more down days because of the whole breaking NC thing, but I'm pulling out of that funk as we speak.

It's times like this where doing something fun and worth while really helps. For me, the distraction of the month has been going to the Orioles games with friends. That keeps me occupied long enough to get me through the evening. Plus, all of the female fans at the bars afterward helps too! :D

[Justwantfair]

(((hugs)))

You handled it well. Just a minor setback which you came out ahead. :D

[Alty]

KC, you did well, you left, you regrouped, you realize that this is just a minor setback and you'll continue to move forward.

You're a toughy, know it, live it, move on. This is a tiny bump in the road, not a huge hurdle.

[Arzy99]

KC, I have learnt so much from yourself and others on this forum!
I can feel your discomfort man, I know I would be the same if I heard something like that about my ex. But, at the end of the day... you are the one that has learnt so much and taken so much from this breakup (whilst she has changed for the worse), you have become a wiser, more controlled person because of it... and that will definitely serve you in the future.
You want to stick to that road my friend!. because you're one of the great success stories on this forum.
Something like that is never something you want to hear... its kind of like a sharp sting, it makes your head go dizzy when you hear something like that, and you think "damn, she's doing what?!"... but once its settled into your system, I can guarantee you will be thinking "what was I even stressing about"... it's a minor issue dude. Just think of the long run.. you have gained so much from this experience and you have grown and improved yourself as a person expenentially. One day you're going to find an amazing woman you will connect with and these experiences will help you in that journey.. just think about the long run.. and how far you have come... I think it'll make you feel better!
(PS. Maybe a few hours at the gym will let out some emotion... it always helps me)

[Triysle]

Something that helped me (and I don't know if this will help you) is to force myself to think about stuff like that. I put those images in my head, on my own, and left them there so that I could deal with them and eventually accept them.

I know distracting can also be helpful, but part of the reason I have been healing is because I make myself think about the things that hurt. That way, if I have a random thought later on, it doesn't hurt as much.

I'm not saying you have to try this... I'm just saying that it worked for me. Use it at your own risk ;)

~ Tee

[kctiger]

but once its settled into your system, I can guarantee you will be thinking "what was I even stressing about"...

Had to spread the rep Arzy, but that is exactly what I felt like since yesterday afternoon... Why am I stressing over this BS? Well done my friend!

[Arzy99]

So glad to hear that KC, keep it up!. I knew you'd be fine my friend!