[merina]

I have been married for 20 years,I am 38yrs old with 3 kids,16,14 and 2 yrs.I am living with my hubby in doha since my marriage,from the time of marriage I have been facing a strange problem,its my husbands obssession with females,he always love to be stand and mingle too close with other females and when I used to question him he used to flare up and say he treats them like his sisters,it used to hurt me a lot that I wanted to end the marriage , but my father advised me saying men are up to an extend like this once you get kids he will be fine as he matures,3 years back my parents passed away, and after living in gulf for long years it is as if I have no friends at all,otherwise my hubby is a fine person , its just that when he comes in contact with a female who gives him a little attention he just wants to flirt so freely, which has been causing so much distress and fights that I feel like an isolated being on earth, I cannot live alone becoz my parents death has left me almost half dead.every year we go to india for vacation he wants somebody or the other to live with us and he starts his romance act inside the house, when confronted he says I am mentally sick, here in doha also he gives me so many doubts that hez philandering, after bearing so much I also started talking freely to other males, and he accused me of being over social,some times I feel maybe itz like he says I am mentally sick
I am ready for a counseling will it help?

[Gemini54]

I don't think you're 'mentally sick'. I think that you're sad, tired and burnt out - you married when you were 18, have had 3 children and have lost your parents. Plus, your husband is a compulsive flirt which distresses you.

I would suggest that counselling could help you to feel better about yourself and to respond differently to your husband's flirting. It's very difficult to change another person's behavior - but, you can change YOUR reaction to it.

(It may also be that he behaves in this way so that he can get a reaction from you - which seems to be successful because you feel insecure and argue about it with him.)

Try to ignore him when he conducts himself in this way, and DO got to counselling - if only to get all of this off your chest and to get some coping strategies.

[DoulaLC]

It's unfortunate that he doesn't respect your feelings more to curb his flirting. Even worse that he causes you to feel as if you are being unreasonable for feeling that way.

Obviously it is part of his personality so it is unlikely to change unless he really wants it to.
Do your best to ignore it... if you don't feel he has acted on these flirtations, then it is likely just something that makes him feel good about himself and means nothing more.

You are not mentally sick because you don't like your husband flirting with other women. Try to be assured when he says they are like sisters to him. However, if you are saying he asks another female to live with you when you visit and then flirts with them, that is not right. Why would he want someone else to stay with your family?

If he comments on you talking to other men, ask him how is that any different from his being overly social with other women? Is his talking to other women just talking or is it definitely flirting?

Maybe when he starts to see how it feels to him when you talk with other men he will get an idea of what you have been feeling for a long time when he flirts with other women. He may just never have realized what you were feeling... perhaps this will open his eyes to what his behavior has been doing.