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ahayes09 · May 12, 2009, 04:58 PM

I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years now. And he finally told me he likes this girl that he works with (after I basically confronted him) She has a boyfriend also.. But This girl and my boyfriend keep texting each other secretly behind my back telling each other they miss each other. I've tried so hard. I'm at the point where I just want to walk out the door - but I love him and I know everyone makes mistakes, and this is his first one! But I don't want to wonder if he's talking to her when Im asleep, or if he's with her during work.. They've both told me their just friends, but he likes her! And she's putting out all the signals for liking him back :(

Oh I do have a two year old daughter to think about to..

none12345 · May 12, 2009, 05:05 PM

Don't let him walk all over you. If he can't be faithful, walk out the door like you said. Take good care of your daughter! Cheating is not a mistake! Its intentional and they fully know the consequences and aware of what they're doing. I have zero tolerance for a cheater.

jhens05 · May 12, 2009, 05:11 PM

I have to agree. He could be taking you for granted as well, and not truly realizing what he wants in terms of he wants to pursue this other girl, or if she's just an interest. I don't know how black and white things are. But I'd imagine that the best thing to do is honestly not talk to him, and allow him to think and make whatever decision he wants. You as a person deserve someone to be honest with you if they want to put up a front of being in a relationship with you. If they won't be, you have to let him go and worry about yourself.

IWHO · May 12, 2009, 05:16 PM

This is a hard call... he works with this girl... so it's going to be hard to know whether he is doing anything behind your back or not... I think you need to sit down with him, calmly, and discuss this whole situation, and tell him how you are feeling and what his options are... you DON'T deserve to be cheated on, if that's happening... you deserve better than that, so if he plans on starting or continuing a relationship with this girl, you have a right to know, so YOU can decide what YOU need to do... respect yourself Hon... don't stay in a relationship that is unfair to you...

ahayes09 · May 12, 2009, 05:21 PM

I have sat down with him and talked to him calm about it - and it seems like he still doesn't know what he wants.

IWHO · May 12, 2009, 05:26 PM

Hon, if this guy can't tell you he loves YOU, then maybe you should leave, or tell HIM to leave, until he can... to let him keep you in limbo is wrong...

ahayes09 · May 12, 2009, 05:28 PM

He tells me he still loves me, but he's not sure if he's IN love with me anymore.

IWHO · May 12, 2009, 05:33 PM

He apparently is interested enough in this other girl to change his feelings for you... so I would say, separate for a while, maybe go to a counselor if he would agree, but you can't sit and wait for him to "come around"... that's not fair to you...

jhens05 · May 12, 2009, 05:33 PM

Well, you don't want to hear that either. I'm sure that part of it is just the feeling of closure and knowing what's going on.

Honestly look at the options:

1. Call, talk to him all the time about it and never get a real answer.

2. Give it time, and allow the situation to play out.

Either way, if he likes this girl, and wants to be with her, it WILL play out the same way with either options.. but at least in the mean time, he won't have the satisfaction of knowing you are there to control, and he will be the one thinking. If you go with route 1, I'm sure more negative situations will come out of it.

ahayes09 · May 12, 2009, 05:37 PM

Yea, I'm glad he was honest with me. It's just after our daughter was born; everything got harder and harder.. I took my frustration out on him that was building up from the new baby and everything else. I just can't tell if maybe this is it - there's no trying to make it work, cause he has to be with this girl everyday all day. And he's told me he can stop talking to her outside of work, but probably not at work.

IWHO · May 12, 2009, 05:40 PM

Do you think going to a counselor would work? Considering now, that maybe you have been pushing him away a little from all the stress? Sounds a little to me like he is willing to try since he's willing to stop talking to her after work...

ajGambino · May 12, 2009, 05:50 PM

I understand things are complicated right now but you shouldn't allow yourself to be played like that. You need to talk to him and let him know that he's either here to support and care for you or he's out.

It sounds too fishy for it to be just a friendship. He's secretly texting her and doing it BEHIND YOUR BACK.

ahayes09 · May 12, 2009, 06:57 PM

Yea, he said he would go to a counselor if it all comes down to that. I just want to work at this as hard as I can, for our relationship and for my daughter.

IWHO · May 12, 2009, 07:58 PM

Well, if he said he would go to a counselor, then I would definitely seek one out... and don't wait...