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tiredofthis7910 · May 9, 2009, 07:46 AM

What do you think it means when you're girlfriend whom you gave two kids with and have been with for the last 5 or 6 years, wants to stay at her mom's house everyday? She only comes to have sex and then gives me attitude the next day. Last night I had her call her mom after she got off work and telll her something had happened and that I had to go their right away, pretty much leaving her mom without a choice when if came to having the kids sleep over for the night. I figured that spending some alone time would help us since she'd told she'd been wanting that, but we got home and she was in a bad mood and went to sleep. What gets me upset is that she didn't want to be in the living room with me cause she was sleepy, but when a friend of mine came over about half an hour later she came out and was hanging out with us. This is the part that upsets me, my friend left, she wanted sex and I said no that first we should hand out a little. She got mad and went back to sleep cause she was tired again all of a sudden. That makes it more clear to me that she only comes for sex, and as far as being tired, she hung out while my friend was here, then she was tired when she had just wanted sex and I said no. we have two kids, I just wish that if she didn't want to be with me anymore she would just be honest. She only thinks of herself and not the kids. All these years she hasn't had to work, I've paid everything working 6 days a week. I don't know. (0.61 seconds)

nitelight198073 · May 9, 2009, 07:52 AM

She is a spoiled child... I would dump her she is using you it is wrong

shazamataz · May 9, 2009, 08:16 AM

Have you talked to her about this? Let her know that it is becoming a big issue for you?

It's hard when children are involved. Maybe you could have some date nights... or get away for dinner, or you could both take the kids to the zoo, anything to get you out and help you recconect.

Biggest thing though is to talk to her about it.

N0help4u · May 9, 2009, 08:22 AM

She may be holding something in.
Maybe she doesn't want to be with you any more. Maybe she has issues that she is upset with you about and afraid to tell you. Like maybe she feels you are being selfish or controlling or something. Therefore she uses sex to her advantage.
Try and talk with her to get to the root of what's bothering her.

talaniman · May 9, 2009, 08:41 AM

After 6 years, and a couple of kids, maybe you should be talking more.

These are the very things that couple have to work out, through honest communications with each other.

Never assume, and presume.

tiredofthis7910 · May 9, 2009, 05:01 PM

Thanks for your input, I'm seeing that its going to have to come to that. She does things that are convenient to her, just sucks cause I've put so much effort into this relationship.

tiredofthis7910 · May 9, 2009, 05:05 PM

I talk to her about it almost every time that we do talk, but she just doesn't want to hear it and hangs up or leaves. She just acts like she doesn't care, says its her way of not letting herself. I tell her one thing is to not let yourself but not when its destroying a 6 year relationship involving kids, especially when what's being talked about is to help the relationship.

tiredofthis7910 · May 9, 2009, 05:09 PM

Its not sex she's using to her advantage, it's the ability to act like she doesn't care. I can't do that and I don't want to do that. She knows it gets to me and it makes her feel stronger, sex I can reject. Its just not that important compared to our relationship which doesn't just include me her, but our kids.

tiredofthis7910 · May 9, 2009, 05:18 PM

Talking is what I try to do pretty much every single time I see her, especially when she's in a good mood. All that happens is she becomes upset and leaves or doesn't want to hear it. She thinks there isn't suppose to be any arguments in a relationship, she lives in a fairytale. She doesn't want to talk because it doesn't involve her having a good time, because of the fact that it is a serious matter. Its frustrating that cause of that she is willing to let what we have get destroyed. That's why she's at her parents right now, cause they're acting nice with her when before all they did was fight. I was always there for her, I got the apartment cause she said she couldn't take being at her parents anymore. Now since having an apartment requires responsibilities, cleaning the house, not as much money as we'd like cause I was the only one working and paying all the bills and she would still get mad at me for not giving her more spending money. I was giving it all I could but even at 16 an hour, 6 days a week, that's not enough. So its easier for her at her parents, she doesn't have to clean her mom does that, her mom helps feed the kids, she got a part time job so she gets to spend it on whatever she wants and not have to worry about paying a bill cause she's not here.

makapuu · May 9, 2009, 05:34 PM

It seems like you have it that "seven year itch" stage when relationships reach a point where everyone else is more interesting to be with than with your partner. I've never hit that stage, but I have many friends that have.

It seems like couples that get together mainly because it's "a good idea", or "the right thing to do", or "because we both want kids", or "I'm getting old and I won't find anyone else" seem to go through this. Couples that get together because they are crazy in love don't seem to go through these episodes.

I believe that true love conquers all. If the love is not true, then you have to work a bit.

ordinaryguy · May 9, 2009, 07:01 PM

She sounds like a spoiled child who doesn't want to grow up, and both you and her parents are enabling her immaturity. She needs a wake-up call. Don't feel guilty about being the one to deliver it. What you're doing now is worse for both of you.

How old is she, anyway?

ajGambino · May 9, 2009, 07:26 PM

You need to seriously leave this brat. I know it's easier said then done but you're trying to salvage something when she's not willing to the same.

It takes two to succeed in a healthy relationship and she is doing all she can to poison it. You should leave her at her parents. She's not willing to take responsibility of herself and more importantly, her kids. Do whatever you can to make contact as minimal as possible, nothing good can come from you trying to salvage what she's trying to destroy.

You deserve better and much more mature, time to live for your kids and yourself man. I wish you the best.

Gemini54 · May 10, 2009, 01:45 AM

Look, I think it's really easy for people to say that you should ditch the relationship. It's clear that you still care about her, you have 2 kids and you want to make a go of it.

I suspect that when you've tried talking to her she just hears it as the same blah, blah, blah. So stop the blah blah and communicate. Talk to her about her, not about you. Try and find out why she's behaving the way she does. What is she feeling? Why the sex? Why the staying at her parents place? What does she want? Tell her that you care about her and want to make the relationship work, but that you can't do it alone - she needs to do her share.

See if she'll go to counselling with you - it may be that you both have to learn how to communicate better.

Once you feel as if you've given it your best shot, then you'll be in a better position to decide if you want to stay or leave.

talaniman · May 10, 2009, 06:15 AM

Maybe its time to shift the focus on the kids, and not the relationship, that only requires you to be civil around them, and be a loving caring Dad.

Let her do her thing, and you do your own.