[CageWalk]

Hey guys, I've returned seeking advice on a strange friendship I've had with a certain girl. It's long, but details are needed to put my situation in context. I will try to keep it interesting. Here goes:

I met her 3.5 years ago (late 2005) when I was a poor first year student in uni working at a skate shop. She was in her last year of high school and would rock up in the afternoons in her Led Zeppelin t shirt like she owned the place. She was hot and she kind of knew it.

We got talking over a period of weeks. She used to hang around the mall by herself, waiting until I had 15 minute break and we'd go outside to chat just for a little bit. I remember once, she waited almost 90mins by herself, texting me repeatedly to hurry and come outside.

I could tell she was popular with the boys. She was a model, but beyond looks, she was one of those rarities who happened to be extremely quick witted. She liked to play it mysterious and enigmatic. She could wear tartan pants and make it look good. Even cut her hair purposely stupid and still get comments from others about how pretty it looked. But I also got the feeling she was a compulsive flirt.

I think she realized I liked her, or at least I was curious to know her, BUT had a girlfriend so would never do anything. She did used to send me flirtatious messages like 'you need more of me in your life' etc. in her peculiar joking way that was never quite serious. My girlfriend at the time hated her, but trusted me enough to blow it off as a joke. It's pertinent to note that she also had a boyfriend during this time. We never ended up becoming more than acquaintances. We had separate groups of friends and we never really hung out as such. After a while we kind of stopped talking besides the odd myspace comment.

She ended up leaving school and coming to my uni. I ended up switching work places. We stayed acquaintances and would stop to chat if we ran into one another.

Fast forward to 2007/2008- It got to a point where we'd run into each other at uni but would both politely 'not see' each other because it would be too arduous to make obligatory catch-up conversation.

I ended up dropping out of art school to pursue a career in writing. She stayed in uni but every now and then I'd see her on TV in some random advertisement for pizza or skincare. I did Facebook her wall twice at the most since then, but didn't get a reply. Never thought too much of it as people just tend to lose touch after awhile. She just became another person on your Facebook who you haven't spoken to in so long it would be weird just to message them out of the blue.

2009 - With money from two books, I decide to fund my education and study law. I'm a freshman again. Out of the blue she messages me on Facebook chat yesterday.

I think 'Why? We haven't spoken for 3 years.' But keep the thoughts to myself and make conversation. She tells me she's going to see a Lukestar concert tonight.

I say - 'Dude, we don't speak for ages and this is the best news you've got for me? That's terrible. Try harder,'

We get talking and find out we've both transferred universities and have ended up at the same one (again). It was an odd conversation that went something like:

Her: Oh we should rendezvous.

Me: Well you're in luck. I have a free on Friday.

Her: Rendezvous! Where to? My place, say 2
And we can do anything you want to do
Hey, toniiiight is your niiiiight yeah

Me (Thinking someone has hacked her account): No thanks. Don't like sleeping at others peoples houses.

She then says 'No. That's a Craig David song lame-oid.

(What you have to know is, this is girl likes to push the boundaries of flirting)

We talk for abit more. Then she says she has to go but we should definitely meet up and gives me her number.

So that's it. After about 3 years of not really talking she Facebook chats me out of thin air and gives me her number? I don't mean to sound suspicious, but I know she has a boyfriend. What would make a taken girl randomly hit up a long lost acquaintance and then arrange to meet up?

For those who read this far: Thoughts? Comments? Past experiences? Insights?

[jjwoodhull]

She sounds like a big flirt who seeks attention. And you sound like someone who gives it to her.

If you enjoy her friendship, then there is nothing wrong with trying to be friends again - provided it does not cross the line while you are involved with other people.

[crazychick56]

Take this from somebody who is a big flirt herself. I am a VOLUMINOUS flirt. My friends use to always get so agitated with me because of it that they would want to rip my head off. She likes the attention. I did. She sounds like she likes you, but she also likes her boyfriend. I guaruntee you (because I always did the same thing) when I would flirt with a guy when I was dating another, I didn't notice what I was doing. I am not trying to reproach her or anything but she probably goes home thinking 'God what do I do to those men?'. Again... I did. I still do. Then the next morning she wakes up forgetting everything doing it all over again in a repeated routine.


That's what it is buddy... a daily routine for her. Flirt with some guys. Love her boyfreind, then go to bed. Example uno right here. But she does like you apparently... just not any more than her boyfriend. Its OK to date one person and date another... as long as you stay true to them and don't do anything just idiotic. So therfore she does somehting before thinking... she flirts.


If you don't be careful, you could be stuck in her gravitational pull. I had a few guys stuck in mine as well, even when I was dating someone. I guess I've gotten better but don't think I don't know this stuff. You seem wise to your decision to not fully give into her and grovel for her attention... that's what she wants, though she may not realize it... but you do, (or you should).


So stay friends with her... that's fine... just learn her ways and avoid it... last thing you want is a big flirt like that to confuse your head and have her boyfriend hating YOU too.
Much luck to your decision... thanks

[crazychick56]

Its ok to date one person and date another...
I meant to say its OK to date one and like antoher... that make sense? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention much.

[CageWalk]

Makes fine sense. I'm already wary of her flirtatious manner.

What strikes me as odd, is that it has pretty much come to a point where we might as well be strangers. She obviously has plenty of guys to flirt with. Why bother looking me up?

To be honest, the crush I had for her disappeared somewhere in the past 4 years. I see her as a potential friend and nothing more.

I broke up with my previous lady simply because between my study, my projects and my college wrestling I have no time for a healthy relationship.

So yes, I wouldn't mind catching up as friends but my instincts tell me 'something is up', things don't quite add up here.

[crazychick56]

well, also something could be bothering her. I mean maybe she is hiding somebthing... because behind all that beauty and flirt... there is always an emotion screamin help me. Its like another me all over, just maybe not as bad haha


but maybe it would be good to be her friend now yes because ,aybe she just needs one. She probably was going thorugh memories and thought of you. Even though it may not seem as so... you were probably something s[ecial to her, though she didn't show it. I mean I never do, she woudn't either.


You have to understand the only way to figure her out is to get in her mind... like I can because I can relate. But she probably just thought over the years and thought 'he is somebody I could just talk to right now' she may think she could flirt with you again. I mean you said you used to fall head over heels for the girl right? Even with her outragious flirting?


Well, then, it sounds to me like she wants to relive the past, maybe start up flirting again. There is no answer to your question why would she just randomly do that. Girls ARE random... get that and girls are very complex. SOmething is probably roiling her, or she is just lonel and just happened to come across with you, soemthing she never thought of doing again.



Girls will and can do things that will blow your mind away good ro bad thing it doenst matter, maybe both. So girls like us... there really is no explanation for it. Just give her a friend, sounds like she needs one. Again... something probably came up, something dier or just maybe slightly important... but either way it doesn't matter. Everybody needs a friend sometimes. I'm not saying flirt with the girl back or take it... I'm telling you the exact oppsotei. But again... nobody but her own self can answer your question there. Talk to her about it... don't be afraid.


good luck:D

[Gemini54]

I reckon crazychick has made a couple of good points about the motivation behind someone that is a 'compulsive flirt' - she talks from her personal experience.

I suspect that the reason for 'Led Zepplin's' unexpected contact with you is her need for attention and a desire to push boundaries. Let's face it, you're not really her friend anymore, but when you were you gave her the attention she needed. She may want to see if she can re-create that old 'zing' with you.

Trust your intuition on this one. If it feels 'not right' then respect that. You don't have to be available or even take up her offer to ring unless there is a really good reason to renew the friendship after all this time.

[CageWalk]

Crazychick, that's very insightful of you. Thanks. The only thing I'd say is that I was never head-over heels for her.

As I said before I had a girlfriend at the time. She knew I was interested, but I've never put her on a pedestal.

I don't want to ring her (that would make it seem like I am declaring a formal meeting). But when I'm on campus Friday I might text her for a quick coffee. What do you guys think?

I want to imply that I don't mind being friends, but I'm not going to progress to anything else. Will that get the point across?

[crazychick56]

Yes CageWalk... that point will be very loud and clear to her... and I think that coffee meeting is actually a good thing... and you're right... you don't have to progress to anything more... you probabyl shouldn't... and if she tries... lay down the law... so good for you and let us kjhnow how it goes:D...

Much luck... :D

[talaniman]

I know she has a boyfriend. What would make a taken girl randomly hit up a long lost acquaintance and then arrange to meet up?

The fact your suspicious of her motives, says it all, and you should be very cautious in your dealings with her.

No way would I be having anything, but friendly conversations with her, and no way do you let your buttons be pushed, or be fooled into anything your not completely comfortable with.

That includes letting her have a coffee with you, behind her boyfriends back.

[CageWalk]

Update: Having neither called her msged her since our chat Monday, she Facebook poked me today.

I don't want to be completely rude by ignoring her, on the off chance she does just want to be friends at a new uni campus. Suggestions?

[talaniman]

Think about it before you do anything, as what's changed and besides being rude what other reason should you have for even talking to her. What has removed your suspicions??

[Gemini54]

Update: Having neither called her msged her since our chat Monday, she facebook poked me today.

I don't want to be completely rude by ignoring her, on the off chance she does just want to be friends at a new uni campus. Suggestions?

Is it rude to ignore her?
Perhaps you can just wait, or does a 'poke' require an instant reply?

[CageWalk]

Nothing's changed my suspiscions about her. The more I think about it, the more I start to think it would be better if she remains a distant acquaintance.

I don't want to be rude, but I think it'd be best if I left it well alone. She does seem like trouble and she likes to play games.

[talaniman]

I agree, all that drama can't be worth it.

[roxypox]

My first thought about this is that she might have made contact with you since you both go to the same uni, and you used to give her some attention (even if you didn't put her on a pedestal)

A Facebook poke doesn't require an instant reply, some people use it as a joke between one another... other use it to flirt; like a HEY there! LOL or something like that.

If your gut tells you its better to stay away, do so... It doesn't sound as if the two of you were close friends, and some people are def. better to leave in the past. If you have no need or desire to pick up this old friendship, better to leave it alone.

LOl and also, what was up with that craig david joke..

Ps: its not rude to ignore her, she gave you an opportunity to get back in touch, still doesn't mean that you HAVE to take it. Some old friends of mine has done that over the last couple of years... (note: we were prob closer friends then the two of you were, two of them used to be my best friends in high school) but I have no interest in having contact with them, there was a reason we 'lost touch' because we chose to.

[tylerwyler]

Hey dude.. don't mind

But what happened with that bookstore gal?? /

Just curious to know.

God bless you all