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mbutrfly11 · May 4, 2009, 09:35 AM

My husband and I have been married for almost 9 yrs. Just recently he finally admitted to me that he cheated on me with his 1st ex-wife ( I'm wife #3) and they have another child ( a 4th) a 7 year old daughter. Says he got drunk while visiting the kids and that it was an "ACCIDENT" and happened "ONLY once or twice... SURE.it was... :mad: We are now separated and I am temporarily overseas caring for my ill mother. He said he wants to file for divorce.

We used to live in Cal. but gave up our rented apt because of financial problems and put our things in storage. Since we had to move and my husband is an over the road-long haul truck driver we changed our address to his work address in Minnesota where he is based out of. etc.

My questions are these:

1) Can he just keep the things we have in storage since he has the only key. He says it is all his because he paid for it since I was not working. I want my share of the furniture, etc He said he has already given away my computer to a friend of his. My hands are tied since I am overseas and don't know when I'll be back...

2) He has said that he will NOT be giving me spousal support, just what he wants to give me, even if the judge orders it. Is there ANY way to force him to pay, like putting a lien on his truck since that is the only asset we have. After almost 9 yrs I do not want to be left without anything since I don not have a home anymore, am not working, all our money is gone etc.

3) We have about $30,000 worth of debt in C/Cards. But he doesn't want to pay them since he says they are in my name and that they are my problem but we only got C/cards after we came to the USA in 04 and after he got his permanent green card - I am American ex-pat /he is from the Middle East... He wants me to sign divorce papers that say he does not owe me anything and I do not get anything in this divorce. CAN HE DO THAT? Of course I would not sign such a thing but since I am overseas again he can get the divorce without me. I don't have money for a lawyer...

PLEASE SOMEBODY - ADVISE ME WHAT I CAN DO ABOUT THIS NIGHTMARE... Thanks ALL

Jake2008 · May 4, 2009, 10:42 AM

I don't think you can afford not to see a lawyer.

You need to at least seek a formal separation agreement, to stop him from getting rid of assets that you are entitled to.

This has to be negotiated. He cannot arbitrarily do what he likes, and say what he will or won't do with regard to marital debt, property, or anything else.

Seek out a way to either return home and retain a lawyer and get yourself protected, or make enquiries through contacting a lawyer via internet/email etc.

If you can't find a way to protect your interests, you will be left with nothing by the time you do return.

If you have family here, maybe one of them can be given legal status to act on your behalf?

susangpyp · May 5, 2009, 07:55 PM

California is a community property state. There are some exceptions (inheritance for instance) but over all it's an even split. The problem here is which jurisdiction's laws govern. With all the property one place and you guys another place, it's going to be difficult.

But almost everything he's told you is nonsense in all states.

Go see a lawyer. Like the previous poster said, you can't afford not to. I'd consult with a few as well. Not all lawyers are competent when it comes to multi jurisdictional issues.

Fr_Chuck · May 5, 2009, 08:27 PM

So what you need to do is stop listening to him, of course he WANTS to keep everything and not pay you a dime. Who wouldn't if they could get by with it.

So you need an attoreny, file for divorce file for your share of all property, see what alimony is due from the years of marriage and his income ( and yours)

And if he does not pay, you take him back to court for contempt,