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danni c · May 1, 2009, 04:28 AM

Help please.

My husband and I had been experimenting with the camera and had taken some very adult photos.
We all have our own pc's and laptops so the photos were stored on one I know my son never has a reason to use as he has his own.
This morning for some strange reason he used my PC and saw all the photos. He is 13 years old.
When he had left for school I went into his room and found a note saying he hates me and I am a whore a porn star and a prostitute.
How do I explain to him this is normal for married couples and is a part of a healthy sexual relationship and I had tried to make sure he never saw them.
He is obviously very angry and I don't know how to explain this. I have looked for websites that explain it but cannot find any

Sphira · May 1, 2009, 04:34 AM

Dang you poor soul

Hey your right it is part of a healthy relationship I know my parents do it but it keeps them together and happy it doesn't bother me and I'm 14 but how to approch a situation like this? First you should sit him down and have him hear that parents need their own time to be together but also explain how sorry you are he'll appreciat it but when parents are experamenting with a teenage BOY in the house its best to take a weekend away and do it and for godssake don't put it on the computer files I understand where you coming from just it seems that he has changed his opinion on you and like all boys he compare girls to his mum until he has an ex then he compares girls to her

I tried to help GOOD LUCK :D:D:D:D

DoulaLC · May 1, 2009, 04:58 AM

I'd have you and your husband both talk with him. If you haven't had "the talk" with him, this might provide a unique opportunity to do so. Obviously include this being an adult situation, in a loving and trusting relationship, enjoying and providing pleasure to the other person, etc.. However you are comfortable discussing it.
Acknowledge his discomfort and anger in seeing the pictures as well, don't dimiss it. He is at an age where he will be dealing with a wide variety of feelings towards himself, girls, his own sexuality, his parents, etc. Let him know that there may be something's he simply won't understand at this age... and that is OK.

jenniepepsi · May 1, 2009, 10:07 AM

I agree with all said so far. Sit down and explain to him what the pictures are and what they are for. They are NOT for his eyes, I would put your pictures on a thumb drive (a usb jump drive that detatches from the computer and can go in your purse or locked away somewhere)

Meredith1978 · May 1, 2009, 10:15 AM

Okay I am not sure this is a good way to open up "the Talk" I have a teenage son and he would flip out.

I guess I would explain it was intended for spouse and he was not supposed to see it ( for the love of god, say you are sorry) and if you have any posted on the internet, seriously consider removing them, if his "friends" happened across them it could destroy him at school. Kids are cruel. If it is handled right he will move on, but keep in mind what it feels like for a teenager to be humiliated and embarrassed (add humiliation times 10 for teenage hormone imbalance) he is probably assuming this is the end of the world.

I walked in on my mom tied up getting spanked... it took about ten years to wipe that out of my brain, good luck

jmjoseph · May 17, 2009, 12:10 AM

I think you should get him some counseling, and fast. Let him share his feelings with a professional before his confusion gets any more advanced. It's certainly not going to hurt. He's going to need to talk to someone about this, and it needs to be with someone who has good answers, not another child his age. Otherwise he's going to be an angry young man. On top of that, he's going through puberty too. GOD bless you all.