[jamster06]

So my ex, Greg, and I began dating in January (2006) of our Senior year of high school, we were both 17 and we had hung out and/or talked to each other almost everyday from the June (2005)... We had told each other that we loved each other before we even started dating - in the middle of December (2005).

When we got together, he knew that I didn't believe in dating without the plan to have a future together. Our relationship moved pretty fast from there, at least physically wise.
After just one year of dating he gave me a promise ring - yes, I did check with him to see if it really was a promise ring and what it meant. He knew I was someone who liked to plan things and wanted a future to plan with him.
He lived with his mom and step dad and I lived with my parents - my parents didn't like him and his step dad was a jerk...
I had wanted to be engaged for a long time - by the time the 2 year came up he had a ring on hold, we went together to pick it out... but for the 2 years he got me a necklace (which we also picked out togetehr)...
We eventually had an argument, many arguments and I asked him if he wanted a future with me - he didn't know... So I drove to the jewellery store and told him that if he didn't know then he had to cancel the order for the ring on hold. So he did. I think we broke up for a dayish.. He told me he wanted to be with me and that he wanted a future with me and that he loved me.

I started to grow more anxious for it because we were pretty much acting like we were engaged, we had talked about where we would want to live, kids, and all that good stuff...

A while later we had another argument and broke up for another day - I was growing more and more grumpy and started not being as nice to him as I should have.

We looked at rings again another few times - he ended up actually getting one - not the exact one I wanted, but I would have liked it either way. It's still in his drawer.

He knew I wanted to be engaged before moving in together, but an apartment in the same building as his dad, step mom, brother, and sister had opened up and was in our price range... oh, and his cousins were in another apartment in the same building... So we ended up moving in together anyway - he had said that he'd rather live together first - so by the time we moved in together we had been together for 3 years and 3 months...

For the first week we slept in the same bed, but I really disagreed with living together so I decided to sleep on the futon from there on out. I started being more mean and distant - but I think I saw him more when we didn't live together since he was always at his dad's or cousin's. We started not doing anything physical, hardly any hugging, no kissing... rarely saying love, we weren't happy like that, and I still didn't want what I wanted from him...

So last Monday I was trying to have a serious conversation with him about our relationship... he was ignoring me like he usually did... but this time he was texting someone - I thought he was texting his cousin about plans for later... so thought nothing of it.
When he got home for the night I had cooled off and he gave me a hug and everything was okay.
So the next day, I found out that he had been texting another girl, a mutual friend - asking her things like how she was doing and what her plans were for the night (nothing happened between them, I know that for sure)... I confronted him about it and asked why he was texting her and he said to make me mad, to hurt me... I asked if he had anything else to say about it and he said no, I asked if he felt bad about intentionally hurting me and he said no, he wasn't sorry for it and he didn't feel bad...
I told him I'd give him till the next day to think about it and if he still didn't feel bad then I'd plan to move out and things would be over.
So the next day - things were over.
But the weekend was the best time to move for me... So we still lived together for a few days. Every time he'd come into the apartment he'd ask "Watcha doin?" like nothing was wrong... on Thursday he even called me after work and asked where I was and what I was doing, told me he was on his way home and that he had plans to go to his cousins for dinner and a haircut. He came back down and asked me what I was doing and then how his hair looked, I just asked if it really matter, and he said no. He left again and then came back and went to bed and said 'night to me.
Friday we talked a little about me moving and then he was walking in when I was walking out and he asked if I was leaving (for school)... I stayed out late and when I got back to the apartment the light was on outside.
I moved out yesterday - and went to his moms today to get stuff I had over there - he was there and we talked, but just about what was mine and his and who bought what...

I love him still and I miss him... he was my best friend, we did everything together, we have all the same friends. What am I supposed to do? I have no one to do any of that stuff we did - I loved everything about him - other than his thing against commitment and lack of respect for me...

I keep thinking/hoping that he will just text me or call me and tell me that he is sorry, that he loves me and misses me and wants to spend his life with me... Is this realistic at all?
Does he even miss me? Will he realize what he is missing out on? Should I try to keep at least a relationship with him or try to forget him and try to avoid him at group things?

Oh yea, and moving - just about everything was mine and I had paid for almost all of the food - so I took it all. Left him with just his bed, TV, a chair, dining set, and coffee maker (with no coffee or filters)...

What should I do? I love him and it won't go away and I want to be with him or at least have him in my life as my best friend or more...

We lived together for the last month of it. I was his first girlfriend, ever.

It's been about a week and a half and I don't call him much or text him, but he'll still text me back sometimes and he'll still answer when I call most of the time. I've only called him to ask him about me getting my stuff and once to see who was replacing me on a bowling league - for the bowling league thing, he told me it was none of my business - but later text me to say who was on the league. All the text said was 'lane is bowling,' the only lane I ever knew of was a girl he had met almost 2 and a half years ago - she's 4 years older than us.

The main reason we broke up is because I was ready for a more serious relationship and he wasn't (even though he already had a ring), oh, and he intentionally hurt me.

He told me that he doesn't miss me at all, and one of his friends told me he's a lot happier now. But I told him something was wrong with my car (he's a mechanic) and he told me to bring it up to his work right away and he'd check it out (even though he knows my car is under warranty and I'd need to take it to a dealership to get it fixed).

If he doesn't miss me and if he wants nothing to do with me and doesn't really love me or care about me... why would he offer to check out my car? Why would he answer when I call? And why would he make a point to tell me who was on the league after telling me it was none of my business?
Am I reading into this too much? I mean, how can he honestly not miss me after talking to me every day for 4 years?

[De4rest]

I think you are reading into it too much. He might miss you but I don't think he's emotionally available now. He might be hurt and he has think it through that this is the best for both of you. What's your objective out of this?
It seems to me that you want him back.

[jamster06]

He was my best friend for 4 years. I was planning to spend my life with him.
I want/ed him back, but I'm not sure. He's hanging out with a guy who hasn't made very good decisions for his life. But we also have all the same friends... I think I mostly just don't want the last 4 years of my life to have been wasted on someone who didn't really love me. We'd talk about the future and being together and everything, I'm the one who broke up with him, but I'm the one that's hurting.

So, honestly, I don't know what I want anymore.

[Fr_Chuck]

I would still go help my ex with her car, that is only being polite.
And as long as you keep calling, and it sounds like you are a lot, and he answers some, he knows he still has some emotional control over you.

What took so long to move in, unless you were very young and just old enough now to do it..

I would look at what happened the last month, if things were so great you could move in, did he lose perhaps some of his independence when you moved in ?

And I bet you hurt him when you moved out, but he will not let it control him and he is moving on.

[I wish]

So, honestly, I don't know what I want anymore.

If you don't know what you want, then you made a good decision by being alone. Now that you are single, you can spend the time to reflect on your past relationship and what you want for the future.

I suggest that you do not contact him anymore and do not pick him or answer him when he contacts you. Take more extreme mesures if you have to, like blocking him from your social networks and IM.

Follow the no contact rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

It will help the healing process and avoid mixed feelings. When both of you have completely recovered from the breakup, then maybe you can talk to him again.

Focus on yourself!

[jamster06]

Fr_chuck - we are kind of young, we started dating in the middle of our senior year of high school.
I've had to be out on my own (for co-op jobs at 3 months at a time) but I was still living with my parents and he was still living with his mom and step dad before we moved in together, he had never been out on his own - and everything in the apartment was mine (but I never brought that up). So anyway, he never really had complete independence and we actually spent more time together before we moved in together than after we did.
Oh, and he wanted me to move out. But I was planning on it anyway.

As far as contacting him, I haven't called him everyday and most days I've barely texted him and when I do it's mostly to see about getting my stuff back (he still owes me money... ).

[talaniman]

You were together for a long time, and it will take a while for you to get over this failed relationship and make some adjustment to your life.

It's been about a week and a half and I don't call him much or text him, but he'll still text me back sometimes and he'll still answer when I call most of the time.

I think its best if you stop all contact with him, even as friends, until you heal completely, and can move on with your life without him.

The main reason we broke up is because I was ready for a more serious relationship and he wasn't (even though he already had a ring), oh, and he intentionally hurt me.

I also have to say you were a lot more emotionally invested than he was, and that has to hurt, as you planned a life together.

It will take time, but eventually you will regroup.